Atheism

All I said was I wanted to go to the temple, and 3 ppl exclaimed. You mean you believe in GOD?!!?!?

Well, apart from how I explained it to you guys. The real reason is this:

I wanted to become an atheist once, but I gave up.

They have no holidays. :(

Longoria 2

Sister Mary: Well, you know money can't buy happiness

Gabrielle Solis: Sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to stop them from rioting.

Keling Kia

From Wikipedia:

Keling is a degrading slang for Indians in Malaysia (Singapore). The term was originally used to describe migrants from the Kelinga district in central India. However, there is a theory that it started during the British colonial days when the country was known as Malaya.

Being the world’s biggest rubber supplier, contract workers were brought in through British India Company to work in the rubber plantations of Malaya mainly from southern states of India.

Recently, this was used by Members of Parliament in Malaysia, resulting in uproar by the Malaysian community accussing the MPs of racism. Popular usage in Malaysia also suggests a tone of general disrespect to Indian Malaysians.

The similar mistake is done by Malay-speaking communities, Sikhs are called Bengalis, but they are Punjabis who speak Punjabi and come from Punjab. The Bengalis come from Bengal and speak Bengali as also do the Bangladeshis.

The word keling can be used in a non racist context where describing migrants from the Kelinga district, as is used in the name of a mosque in Penang called Masjid Kapitan Keling.

Nice shit. I like Indians, I just hate Keling Kia Anjadi Kuppais. Visit our site, have something to share? Email me and I will put it in. Or just leave a whole load of ass whopping comments.

Click here : KELING KILLAHS

Illegal Out

I have pledged from today henceforth not to indulge in anything illegal.

As soon as I'm done with this carton of Philipine cigs. And as soon as I withdraw the latest winnings from the bookie-san.

Oh wait, as soon as I stop my video and music piracy.

Damn, ok, I take it all back.

Fuck pledge. Highly impossible. And for all you "clean" and "decent" ppl out there, don't even think for a minute that in that sanitized lifestyle of yours, you've never been on the wrong side of the law. You break the law everyday. Just that you don't know it, or choose to ignore it.

Of course, for those special people that I think about everyday, even staying alive is illegal.

Do me a favour, just jump.

Need a nudge?

Ah Neh's Shop

Ah Neh's Shop is now open. The link is on the link page. If you're too lazy or never knew that you could click beyond the second box. Well here, AH NEH'S SHOP .

For starters, a favour for a good ole buddy in selling V-day inspired wire framed stuff. Order fast for it to be fulfilled by Valentine's day.

All of this is done non-profit, i.e. I don't take money for the publicity and neither do I have a hand in your pocket in the sales.

When I do update it, I'll let you know here.

Cheers.

FHM Girl next door

So, like FHM held their Girl Next Door competition right, outside Caltex House. And the chicks all had to go around and urmz strut their stuff and get the public to vote for them. By the way, the chick who is posing IS the ultimate chio-est of them all. So no use looking at the rest. But then, when there're soo many bikini clad women around, what do the passers by do?
Here's TT Durai look a like taking a pic, from here looks like a 7250i, uncle standard cannot make it la. Later at home how to zoom zoom and see the girl's neh neh pro-per-ly.
Chick: Hi, can you vote for me?

Guy [right]: Nice tits. I had to wear shades to view them in best resolution.

Guy [left]: Damn, where did you get your navel ring?

The proverbial stick up the arse pose. Or is it the, damn-I-can't-move-if-not-my-erection-will show pose.
Woman: How I wish, How I wish, How I wish ......I had tits like hers.
Indian KLK: Eh you know ah, I heard this so-and-so fucked that so-and-so before you know?

Malay dude [in his mind]: Fucking maapillai, always talk cock want. Think he still virgin.

Primary School kids

I have a question. Like night starts when the sun is missing right, and day begins when the sun is up right. Why is it, only in Singapore does the "day" start even before the sun has come up.

If you went thru the thorough fare education system over here, you'd know about 730 assembly times for primary/secondary/jc schools. Well, even if you are staying right next to the school, you'd probably need 1/2 hr in the morn just to get stuff sorted out, books packed, breakfast chowed and bus taken to school right. What about those who live quite a wee bit away, then they'd probably be up like 1-1.5 hrs before having to meet the 730 deadline.

And of course as KIASU singaporeans, we all know the pain of assembly starting at 730 but the damn school insists everyone's gotta be formed out and ready to start at like 720 right. Wait to rush, rush to wait syndrome.

So, the day never ever starts with the sun does it? You wake up each morning and its still night! Why?

I only recently thought bout this after watching an episode of The Sopranos where Tony asserts that wherever he is, whatever he does, he's back by 7 in the morning to make breakfast for his kids.

You know, that cosy little picture. Good old American dad/mum whipping up scrambled eggs, bacon and toast coupled with milk/juice for their kids and then rush them thru it to get to school on time. Well if you do notice, all thru the breakfast preparation the sun is always up and shining like its no tomorrow.

Schools in other so called civilized nations everywhere else start at like 8-9 and end like in the afternoon about 3. I'm sure given a choice a lot of the population would want school to start later cos as long we get up later it don't really matter how long school goes on for. These days, you start at 730 and could be in the building till 530 depending on remedial lessons and CCAs.

Also a thought for working parents who fetch their kids to work. Weird aint it? Their work day starts at 9 am, if they're a typical 9 to 5er CBD worker. But they drop their kids off at urmz 715. So what the fuck are they up to for the next 1 hr 45 mins? Stoning? Reaching the office early to fulfil another portion of the KIASU syndrome?

What if my dad starts work at 8 like in other industries. Then, how the fuck is he to rush to work after dropping me off, discounting for ill-timed traffic lights and fucked up CTE traffic.

Give the parents a break man. Petrol is expensive as it is.

So, school must start later. Give the kids their chance at sunshine man. Don't make them zombies since they're 7 waking up to total darkness and then suffering the rays of light on the way to school like some drunk walking out of a club at 9 am after binging.

And then, when we love the night and worship it and become nocturnal. These same clowns who made school start at 730 then say, "oi boy, you must sleep early, don't sleep in tutorial". Haiz.

Heart pain.

Adieu!

Engrish

It seems spending years in the SAF, ruins ur english. That's quite true you know.

Because ah, the time has come where Hokkien is so interspersed within English, we might as well call in HoKKlish. Now, that'd be real ticklish.

Cheers.

Evangeline Lilly

Evangelline Lilly from the series LOST.

Arch, this is for you and only you man. So please stop wanking off in front of your webcam. on IRC is really not the nubile 18 year old you thought she was but that pen pushing post-baby boomer insurance salesman who point to the dotted line with the same pinky fingernail he used to dig his bottom with.

Cheers mate!

Chechnya

Who said this:

"So what shall we make of Chechnya, asking the West for protection? She is like a beautiful virgin, escaping the clutches of a lecherous bear... and running to Bill Clinton to save her maidenhood."

As you might/might not know I come up with novelty shirts from time to time, depends on what stuff I can come up with. Anyone interested to purchase a beautifully designed tee with this text. Do gimme a shout.

Front of shirt:I am a bomb technician. If you see me running

Back of shirt: try to catch up

Illustration will be up in a bit. Photoshop rusty liao.

Lord of War

Lord of War. Don't want to give away the story too much but Nicholas Cage is a gun-seller, in weird ass places too. Fucks a great actress and a whole lotta shit happens. Oh yes, quote in previous post was from Layer Cake. Fantastic Brit flick. Sheesh, how come movies bout crime are the only well written ones. For choice tidbits from Lord of War, check out these quotes.

There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

I sell to leftists, and I sell to rightists. I even sell to pacifists, but they're not the most regular customers.

There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.

The problem with dating dream girls is that they have a tendency to become real.

Always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstacy.

They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."

After the Cold War, the AK-47 became Russia's biggest export. After that came vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists.

You know who's going to inherit the world? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is too busy killing each other.

I sell guns to every army but the Salvation Army.

We're with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacoo and Firearms.

Let me guess... this isn't about the alcohol or tobacco.

and of course the classics, haiz, this is wit la, no matter how simplistic. Paiseh la Arch, wanted to put the Ava Fontaine photo for you since you hard up, but then again. Sod off ;)

Can you bring me the gun of Rambo?

Part One, Two, or Three?

I've only seen Part One

MWahaahhahahhahahhahhaa...buay tahan.

Adieu!

You're born, you take shit.

You get out in the world, you take more shit.

You climb a little higher, you take less shit.

Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like.

Welcome to the layer cake son.

Longoria

"Say what you want, but John Rowland loved me like no one ever has.

Not as a trophy, not as a possession but for me.

He loved me.

[Carlos Smirks]

No, he really did!

Lemme count the ways:

1.Gently

2.Savagely

3.Frequently

4.Upside down"
And.............Carlos loses it.

Hahahaha...I love Eva Longoria. You should to. Desperate Housewives, sEason 2 on TV soon. I'm on episode 12 by the way.

Adieu!

Kushi and Tabla

Yesterday was a Friday night. A night I was supposed to stay in or at least not stay out late so I could keep my Saturday morning plans alive.

Alas, dumb fuck me, had to test the odds. Firstly, the apology. I'm so so sorry my dear, I didnt mean to. I mean I was awake, but still fuckin shack. And you keep giving me the option to flee. SO i took it. Cos it's the lazy ass thing to do. Cos I'm laziness epitomized. And yeah, not defending my case but don't angry k. I'll make it up to u. IF you don't throw your nice white shoes at me. I'll even let you beat me up [of course, the rule still stands: not in a public place].

As I was saying, last night. On second thoughts now, I should have just stayed home. A lot of shit hit the fan. For starters, it is a real sickening feeling when you get bored barely 15 mins after saying the hellos and sitting down at a club. Cos, then you start thinking, why it's still 12 and how u're gonna last till 6. Then what sickens you is the freaking evident politics that almost always covers a club like the proverbial dark cloud.

If you don't see why a club/pub/watering hole can have politics. It's simple. You just have not been a 'regular' at a certain joint before. You're probably the 'roving' type. Whereas the people I know and myself prefer to hit the same joint week after week. In this way, the bartender, security staff, waiter and owner will be on your first name basis.

And aint everyone looking for CHEERS: Where everyone knows your name.

If you don't remember that series or the song, it's ok. Don't rattle your brain too much.

Oh ya, footnote, Cheekys is closing. On the 26th if I'm not wrong. IF you're an ardent fan and want to know where they're moving to. I have no idea..couldn't care less too. Cos I won't be there, neither was I there last night.

So, at the first place I was at, the politics resulted in urmz a couple of fellas sporting blood stains on their white shirts and later laughing it off as a scratch. The blood donator however I didnt get to see. Fella must have grabbed the first cab and hauled ass. Terrifying? Nope. Irritating? Definitely. Cos, for starters no one wants the music stopped. And you know whenever there's a scuffle, the music always stops. Except in Raagawood, there the band plays on even if some drunk clown flies into the bass drums.

So, all bored, and irritated with the damn tension, I got conned into following 3 clowns to Kushi. This is one club I really hope someone has the good judgement to close down, fast. I have been to Indian clubs and gone thru nights WITHOUT witnessing a fight. But at N.Indian places, it's a guarantee. So it did happen. Although not in the classical sense of the word. The night ended close to 5+ am, with a good buddy of mine getting arrested. His elder brother pleading with the cops and me getting brushed off by another cop although I was pretty adamant that he was the victim and the assaulter was kinda standing freakin 3 feet away!

The inefficiencies of the police force. When you don't need them, they're crowding all over the place tripping on themselves. Like the police cars in Need For Speed. When you do need them, they arrive late, and catch the wrong fella. Reminds me of the time I got arrested. Now this is a hoot. I have no idea why I went in, but I was out in the morning liao, with nary a charge. IT was a goddamn waste of manpower and time and probably the only thing it achieved was probably our dear young NSF corporal's quota of the day. Well fuck you, understand!

Oh yes, did you know that if you have the misfortune to get caught in a CNB raid, that even if you DIDNT test positive for any known drug, it is still considered an arrest? And you'll be released on personal bail. If your only contact with the men in blue is thru "Dear MR Policeman" in Pri 4, then personal bail is permission granted for you to leave police custody and you gotta come back on another stipulated date just to let the bail lapse. I.e. to say a goddamn waste of your mudderfucking time. So, yeah, it's sad times we live in when you're innocent but yet out on bail. Think about it.

That's about it. I'm tired. and oh yeah, VotE PAP. So we can get more ERS.

Adieu!

Elections And Us Part 2

Ok, the by-elections should be called anytime soon. If you are of the voting age and want to check that you are in the register of electors, do go down to www.gov.sg and search for the link to check ur eligibility. Small kids not counted, don't waste your time.

However, big kids also not counted as it seems in recent years. Damn been 3 years since I was of the voting age and since then 1 presidential election has gone past. Elections after Independence used to be just awaited for the Public Holiday but then again, we do seem to be a little more aware of political situations. And noticed, good opposition MPs [Chiam See Tong] and of course useless mofos who'd rather pack their bags and run and lie bout their whereabouts [Chee Soon Juan].

I'm not gonna be voting come elections. Even if some gutsy indie candidate DECIDES to take on the likes of PM Lee Hsien Loong in my constituency. I mean like what the hell right, no brainer. Only siao fella will try to unseat the top man of the country. But then again, Goh Chok Tong did issue a masked challenge for ppl to come try luck at Marine Parade. Anyone up for it? I help you do nomination.

I met this guy on deliveries in the lift yday.

Me: Wah, working hard ah uncle, chinese new year delivery is it?

Uncle : Yeah la, ppl rich ma, order things.

ME: Ppl order better for you ma, they rich also make you rich what.

Uncle: But that's not what the govt thinks right.

Me: Maybe. [These days anyone can be MSD hahaha..might as well keep your mouth shut bout ur political tendencies]

Uncle: How come ah, you all AMK, lee hsien loong town still the lift never upgrade to every floor.

Me: Might as well, upgrade Hougang or Potong Pasir right, help to win votes. Down here sure walkover upgrade for what? Not say ppl gonna vote against him also ma.

Uncle: Yeah lor, Old Man and his sons really got the country by the balls eh.

ME: URmz..... "....." no comment la ah chek...this kind of things don say too loud ma, sekali lift also got bug.

Foregone conclusion, Singapore is a democracy, no doubt bout it. A one party democracy that is, or a "forced" democracy. Yes we don't riot, and yes the labour unions are much more skilled at opening supermarkets rather than wanting to raise worker's salaries. Yes, we do have walkovers even for the top position in the country. I mean come on....There's only 1 fella who is FIT enuf to sit in that chair? COme to think of it, he also doesnt sit there. He behaves more like a retiree living off his pension than a head of a nation. What with the Saturday walks at East Coast with his dog and living out his own rustic, kampung inspired lifestyle.

I have immense respect for Mr Nathan, don't get me wrong, although the best president to date was definitely Ong Teng Cheong. He was more of a behind the scenes president but he got A LOT of laws changed, especially those regarding the national reserves.

Which is why I say, abolish walkovers. At least put the candidate to the test. Like I know in certain hall elections in school, the winning candidate must procure at least 2/3 of the votes. Now, that's quite fair. Even if you're the only one who is eligible to stand for the election. At least, you'll be the popular choice and not the "bo pian" choice.

Adieu!

MRT irony

I wanted to do my whole elections underhand post, but the Xiaxue - Xialanxue fiasco is a real hoot and it hijacked my attention. When you have the time go to Xialanxue and sift through the entire story slowly and objectively. Then you'll realize that some prick who just swears and gains acclaim as Singapore's oldest and most popular blogger is just a little girl after all.

Machiavellian as it seems her scheme was, use your brains la. And also affecting the integrity of the moderators of Tomorrow.sg, that's a low one, even for someone "lovingly clothed by Local Brand". Alas, another brand name with nary a creative vein in branding AND designs.

But, for starters till the main bomb hits tmrw, see this:

So, of course you look for the seat right?

Where the fuck did it go? IF you are as colour blind as sum ppl who saw it on my phone are, the white part is the wall of the train, the grey part is that lining along the floor and of course the little orangy bit is the floor.

Too much right, haha. I know the old folk and pregnant are not really our favourite public transport commuters but still? Thank you SMRT. Obviously someone there has an eye out for humour.

Elections and Us

Ok, Elections are coming up and this is my ABCs on it. As if I will get to vote, me being in PM Lee's stronghold of Ang Mo Kio. But still, this is the general what's what in the division of the electorate. When seen with a bird's eye view, it doesnt feel as dumb as sometimes when we pass by the north side and see remnants of Punggol GRC.

Single Member Constituencies (SMCs) :

A single MP representing the interests of those residents in the constituency.
The Parliamentary Elections Act requires that there must be at least 8 SMCs at any time.
We currently have a total of 9 SMCs.

Group Representation Constituencies (GRCs) :
A group of Members of Parliament (MPs) represents the interests of those residents in the constituency.

The group may be made up of 3, 4, 5 or 6 individuals. The President declares the group number for each GRC by law. At least one of the MPs in the group representing a GRC must also belong to a minority racial community, either the Malay community or the Indian and other minority communities.

The President designates by law the GRCs whose MP must belong to one of these minority racial communities. However, the number of GRCs that can be designated as those belonging to the Malay community cannot be more than three-fifths the total number of GRCs.

The GRC system was established in 1988 to ensure that the minority racial communities in Singapore will always be represented in Parliament. To ensure this, the Parliamentary Elections Act requires that at least one-quarter of the total number of MPs must be representatives of GRCs.

We currently have a total of 14 GRCs, represented by a total of 75 MPs.

Scar san

If you receive pain, you can sleep.
If you inflict pain, you cannot sleep.

Morning Blues

Monday Blues.

Who doesn't get them, hell even our bosses hate Mondays. I never known a mudderfucker who walks in all sprightly and happy on a Monday unless his fav soccer team just pulled off the win of a century, or he got 'some' early in the morning. Lotsa chicks hate doing it early in the morning. Why is thaT?

I still don't get it. Yes, your teeth aint brushed and you prolly have some dead skin cells that oughta be scraped off when u bathe. But damn! Do you seriously think getting a blow even after washing up is going to be all Dettol-sterillized? Enough bout sexual grouses... Still do enlighten me. I know you won't. Cos you, yes you the clown reading this goddamn shit i spout day after day just aint gonna come and say it like this: "I do have sex, I like sex, I think I'm addicted to sex and this is the answer you're seeking Shanker."

Oh yes, that is the way you spell the name. With a fuckin 'E'. A capital one. Like this: ShankEr. Ok?

One more arsehole that saves my name in his phone as shankAr is going to get a nice ass whoopin.

Why am I awake? Cos I chose to wake only at noon. YEs, despite my heavy heavy schedule, school from 8 to 8 today. Woke up, a bit too early for comfort, went back to bed and let my soil/mom/chem and environmental tuts fly away with the dusky sun. It's about 5:50 in the evening, entertaining myself with Martin Lawrence's stand up routine. Yeah I do have a whole collection of stand ups, feel free to call me for a loan. CDs not cash.

Talking bout cash.

I needed some money urgently recently, and i just L.O.V.E.d the response I got from one of my friends, if u do still call ppl who don't help you that. Friend, such an overrated word. Yeah, this was my question: "Got some dough, return you mid Feb?". Her response: "I'm not a loanshark". I replied "Well, then give it without interest".And she went "...". Ah, the sweet scent of bitchiness.

Lo and behold, I get the same kinda call from my friend just 5 mins before i started penning this bullshit down. Hmm, I should have responded the same way. But no I shan't.

I lend money responsibly. People say, lend only when you know it aint coming back. Tell that to a pessimist, heck a pessimist wouldn't even entertain the idea after one too many screenings of Baasha. Oh well, if any of you lot have two thousand hiding in the bottom of your torn up Levi's do lemme know. In fact listen to this plan. Haha, sales pitch coming up.

Lend me 2, I'll give it back to u in 1 month. Lend me 6 on the other hand and I will give you back 8 in exactly 3 months time. Don't ask me where the money is going and what it's going to do. Just think of a major 33% profit in just 3 months. Hmmm, find me a fixed deposit that pays these rates man. Have a think about it, I'll even help you protect your arse by doing it all legally with a lawyer countersigning as a witness.

I'm rambling. Tired. Exhausted.

I think one of these days I'll just get up in the morning and ramble to my mum in fluent Japanese. Anime is addictive. Don't breach the floodgates if you can't handle it. Series of the week? Full Metal Alchemist. Try it. The forgotten art of alchemy awaits.

Adieu!

I'll be back

I'll be right back. Aint slacking off, just a lot to do. Tired la. Furthermore, these days my nights are more interesting. ;)

Sex-crets

To be a child

Something FD said in the Morning Show, apart from Glenn rattling on about his dumb presentation, I mean like do I really need ur ass kissing of Mediacorp early in the morning at 10?

To all parents:

"It's harder than we remember to be a child"

Escueme's Horoscopes

ESCUEME-BULLSHITAHOROSCOPE:

Follow it. It's true. Over here - ESCUEME

Condoms and such

Damn, I come up with the finest things.

Friend: You know those ppl who keep condoms for "emergency" use in their wallets?

Me: Yeah what about them?

Friend: Did you used to?

Me: Yup, till it stayed there too long, got deformed and the packet simply burst open.

Friend: If you kept it so long and didnt use it, why'd you keep it in the first place?

Me: Well, I'd rather have one and not need it than need it and then not have one.

Friend: *faints*

Logical what. On another note. Keep it a safe year. On the roads, in the bed and of course when you are doing mundane stuff like speaking on a cordless on a rainy day. Shit happens and Murphy is always watching.

Adieu!

Insomniac

There are some nights when

sleep plays coy,

aloof and disdainful.

And all the wiles

that I employ to win

its service to my side

are useless as wounded pride,

and much more painful.

Maya Angelou

Love being me

I'm very happy today. Haha...something I read? Maybe. something happened. Maybe.

Something told me I'm still king and you don't fuck with the man cos he is by far smarter and of more emotions that you could ever derive. Hell Yeah!

To all the folks who've ever got their ego beaten down by me, I know a few by name, those nameless ones sorry but you've become faceless too:

I'm not going to apologize. I love weak people. Reminds me why I'm still living.

Damn, I love being me.

Full Metal Alchemist

The principle of equivalent trade:

1.People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something.

2. You must present something of equal value in order to gain something.

Full Metal Alchemist

Blood and Water

It is a common misconception that the online persona you potray is you per se. Get real can? No one is the same on the phone, online, in person and with a gun pointed up his throat. If someone CAN maintain a unique persona through out, I'd like to meet this prodigal son.

Man seldom behave in a way that doesn't consist of a multi-facetal lifestyle. It's just not practical. Your mum wants you to LOOK at least like a goody two shoes. You can't speak to your folks the same way you do to your friends. You don't rant and rave on your blog the same way you rant and rave to some chick you're trying to tackle. Different faces, all the time.

Don't be innocent. Ignorant more like it. Do grow up? And Aruna..I know I talked bout killing the damn fella, but come on, you know I love him to bits right. Cos I'm Asian, and half Confucian. When in doubt, think: "What would Confucius/Jesus do?"

Carrying on, blood is ALWAYS thicker than water. Don't even start with that goddamn bullshit, my best friend would give his life for me. Ask him to? Please. I'd risk going to the gallows just to prove my point. Ask that dickhead to stand in front of 15 parangs for me and not shit in his pants or give u up and run. Any takers?

Thus, I may rant and rave and bitch and re-bitch bout anyone I want, be it family,friend or foe. At the end of the day though, for the immature kiddos that do read this but run this fantasy in your head that you are way ahead of your peers and years. Do take a minute to observe. FUCK U.

My blood comes first. My immediate family, my first cousins and their parents and dependants. And then the far off cousins who come under the great umbrella of the Kaunder caste. Not that I'm caste conscious, but yeah the far relations in this nation are all descendants from the same village in India.

So, think twice before you go blabbing. Big Mouth Syndrome is such a turn off. Not that it matters to you cos you'd probably find a way to justify that even though you are infected with severe myopia and frog-in-the-well syndrome. Don't push your luck, I'm serius. I hope this is warning enough.

Nuff said, my people (family) know how to handle themselves and they have a good mind to fuck you up the very next time they catch you round. So stop spreading tales, have the sheer guts to be direct bout things. You know that's what I'd do.

Lemme revise earlier proverb: "When in doubt, think: What would Shanker do?"

So stay away. From me, from your tattle tales. And from your insignificant existence. Don't cross me la, you'll burn. Don't believe me? Ask around.

Adieu!

Prattling On

It's been the slowest weekend of my whole goddamn life. For once, let's do blogging the traditional way. Ah Neh is now a coyish schoolgirl writing about her mundane fuckin life that she thinks others should be a part of and give a fuck and then leave tags on her tagboard to either praise her England or diss her fuckin myopic periscopic vision.

Myopia, isn't it a bitch? Especially when you don't really look good with contacts, too lazy to put contacts or just apparently ALWAYS have chilli on your fingers when you wanna put it in. I don't know, tried em once, left eye's one dropped off during school assembly. Never went back to it.

Ah, sorry i'm digressing. Ok, back to my assumed persona. Today, I shall be urmz, lil miss shankeri. I did have a kindergarten mate by that name, she was uma shankeri u know, i kena disturbed all the while by the manjens, she was clueless. In fact, she went on to cedar girls, njc, nus i think, and she doesnt even recall her kindergarten days. So sad right. Haha. Well here goes.

Dear Diary,

I've been drinking too much. Actually it's not about the drinking because that is just part and parcel of the scene. I have just been clubbing too much, much as in Paris Hilton revealed too much in her porn video much. So, after the year broke, I decided to stay in on weekdays and just do the "normal" thing which is to visit an establishment that serves alcohol only 1 day a week. I stayed in on new year's eve too. Boy, was it the worst decision of my life.

Now, going from the devil may care nights out behaving like the Chivas slut that I am, I have become the number 1 prude, even frowning on decent Singaporeans just going to have a decent night of clean fun.

Today, while sitting at home on a Saturday night, I even wished that since it was raining all the ppl in the clubs I would have visited would be caught in it on the way there, shivering their way thru the aircon and then getting out at the end of the night only to face the torrential downpour with no taxi in sight.

I know i'm bad Diary, i'm probably in denial. Like when how, my best friend in Primary school said I was psycho and I also denied that. Or when my pri 5 teacher told me i need learn to be more polite [he did write the exact same words in the report book too]. Or when I went hook, line and sinker onto tobacco and still denied it.

It's time for confessions. Revathi, I'm sorry I threw your pencil case into the bin in pri 2. You were a really goddamn irritating bitch. I couldn't help it. Hmmm, now that i've started on confessions, I don't think i should continue. Too many bridges to burn, I got not enuf kerosene. And there are somethings even a diary shouldn't know about. [Especially when your mum likes to read it].

So, Tata.

Till tomorrow.

Love,

Shankeri

X0X.

I had a friend, whose mum loved to read her diary. Her personal way of keeping up with the happenings in her child's life. Obviously she hadn't heard of "conversation". So, to combat her nosy mum, she purposely penned down "My mum's such a bitch today" or "Mother is so goddamn irritating I wish I could just stab her to shut her up".

As usual, Murphy's Law, where the more you want something to happen the greater the possibility the total opposite is going to happen. Moral of the story, you get to visit the psychiatrist very early in life if you put pen to paper on how you are going to murder your parents.

So do take the easy way out and just pull a big all-nighter rebellion at 15, un-protected sex at 17, pregnant at 18 and shotgun R.O.M. at 19. And when you do get thru all of this, call me. I'll be the kid's godfather. No extra charge. I'm already collecting cash for even attending your sham of a wedding.

You didnt know?

Cheerio!

Ironic

What's the direct opposite to: "You meet the man of your dreams and then you meet his beautiful wife" from the song, Ironic by Alanis Morisette. Queen of cynicism.

Help me out here, will you ppl? Let the linguist in you run wild.

Post secret 3

Number One.

You can't say I don't love you
Just because I cheat on you
Cuz you can't see all I do
To keep you from knowing the things I do
Like erase my phone And keep it out of town
I keep it strapped up when I sleep around
Well I should have known one day you'd find out
But you can't go and leave me now

You know that I love you
There's no one above you
I said it the last time But this is the last time
Don't make me over
Cuz I can be faithful
Baby you're my number one You're my number one .

Now who is she? What's her name?
You don't need to know about everything
We fight about this We fight about that
You hang up the phone and call me right back
Well I'll never be something I'm not
Please don't throw away what we've got
Cuz we've been together for way too long
I was playing around but I'm coming home

I suppose you was told by them hoes I was cheatin'
Thinkin' my heart don't got nothing to do with my penis
He got a mind of his own and he just be seeing shit
And I don't wanna cheat but I don't be saying shit
I try to jack off he ask me who is you playin' wit?
But I know he love you he told me you was his favorite

You're making it hard for me
You're messing up everything
You tell me I gotta leave
Say we over
You saw that she came over Came in the Range Rover
Left with a hangover Say we over
I promise I won't cheat I promise I won't lie
I promise I'll act right Say we over
You can't tell me I can't have you I can't have that
We aint over Hey, it aint over baby We aint over
Oh you don't need to go it's not over We aint over Oh... We aint over Oh it's gonna be alright now don't go now

You know that I love you
There's no one above you
I said it the last time
But this is the last time
Don't make me over
Cuz I can be faithful
Baby you're my number one You're my number one

Coral Island

Front page news of the day: Coral Island property is going to be sold out.

Unfortunately, at this press time couldn't find any link to TODAY or CNA that link the story, at least it's free there not like fucktype Straits Times that believes everything should be paid for. Come on bozos, aint gonna cost you much to upgrade your damn servers right. Sheesh there's even FREE webhosting these days.

Back to Coral Island. Anyone remember the original Coral Island? If you don't know what I'm talking bout, it's an island off the "mainland" [undisclosed], called Coral Island, housing a huge casino(s) and lorded over by bitter rival gambling families.

See the comparison now?

Our giant Sentosa IR Project vs. "The Unbeatables"?

When I remember my childhood, I have to remember the hours in front of the t.v., back then Tamil movies were fuckin crap with the exception of Super Star's releases which were often just once a year in time for Deepavalli. We didnt have no Vikram, Surya, Madhavan trio to compete with. Was short n simple, Rajini or Kamal. And the movie of the week was always shown on Sundays at noon. Crazy ass timing I tell you.

So, I had to contend with SBC now TCS 8 or more affectionately known as "ti pa po tao" hope i got that right. And I was glued to all the chinese serials that run for just 13 episodes so you damn sure cant miss even one cos there will be NO replay. Quite unlike Metti Oli or Sorkam or don't know if you guys remember Shanti on then TV 12. Now, those sorry excuses for soap operas you can even miss a whole month and the story wouldn't have moved one bit. This one was so good, it spawned 2 sequels.

The Unbeatables, a lighthouse in the middle of the sea of serials I say. Till now, no other serial can beat it. For the sheer acting of Li Nanxing and Zoe Tay and their tortured love story that began, runs in and would end in the casinos. It did propel them both to be the respective King and Queen of Caldecott, alas Nanxing has since fallen from grace. Even resorted to sleeping at bus stops cos of marital issues. Zoe on the other hand has married an RSAF pilot, given birth to her first child and avid spokeswoman for both baby milk powder and slimming companies.

But he was the man! Yan Fei legendary gambler, only Chinese fella I think looked great in a tux next to Chow Yuen Fatt of original God of Gamblers fame. I wanted to be him!

Ah, those were the days. When TVs didnt even have remote controls yet, or at least not in my household. Only 10 channels available but we only could receive 5. TV1/2, SBC 5/8, TV 12. And to change the channel you gotta push the individual buttons on them, of course been the lazy mofo I am [yes, i started quite young], i managed to fashion a broken off bamboo pole into a prodding device so you could still maintain a safe distance and yet change the channels.

Now, I have 3 TVs at home. 1 expressly for cable, 1 expressly for the Playstation and lazy VCD nights, 1 expressly for my mum when she wants to catch the tamil movie on sat night with peace and quiet when my dad wants to catch up on EPL betting action.

Times have really changed, and in only bout 15 years. Singapore is on steroids I tell ya.

Adieu!

Scouts

As I was saying, my little brother is such a great Scout. Must admit, I hate uniform groups. totally. I don't see the point and they really con you saying that it will help you in NS. Fark la, even a fella who don't even know what's kiwi other than its a fruit will learn to love its smell, its touch, its texture by the first week of BMT. So cut the crap, secondary schools.

I myself was sacked from NCC in sec 3, but yeah I had to work so hard to get sacked cos once the first week had passed in sec 1 they considered it too much of a hassle to return all the uniforms and such so they expected you to remain for good. Not withstanding the fact that the NCC teacher in charge also happened to be the discipline master of the school. You do the math.

Back to my brother,

So, he's represented Singapore, this time all the way to Hong Kong. And on the way, made tons of friends, swigged liquor at every meal like the chinese do, and learnt the proper chinese etiquette on how to serve everyone but urself first when the dish first arrives and how to use chopsticks to wolf down your rice.

Hahahahahha.

I cannot take it la, he just looks too good in uniform. Drat!

Toilets and Inventions

Toilets. Handicapped toilets and why XiaXue didnt see the point of not using one is not the topic however. Let's look at toilet inventions for a change.

First things first, you ever been the first person to use a newly changed toilet roll? You know that terribly huge great ball of roll just sitting there and u're spinning it and spinning it to find the end so you can start on it? Remember how you used to turn and turn and turn [endlessly] and then thought sheesh maybe you're turning it the wrong way and then turn the fuckin wheel for aeons in reverse. And who the fuck came up with the smart idea to glue down the first flap anyway? Does it hurt in any manner to just let it be free?

Ok, assuming you've now already got started on the roll. Remember how rolls used to be when we were younger, thick mofo sheets that felt good on the bum? Now, toilet rolls aint even 4 ply or 2 ply I can't even ascertain if they're 1 ply. And you pull to get a moderate amt of roll and after like the first 3 sections the roll kinda just disconnects? And then now u're wondering what the hell shall i do with this, wipe my nose and throw it in the bowl or go for a second attempt, or combine 2 attempts.

Who the hell puts 1 ply toilet paper into such a huge roll that makes it virtually impossible for the laws of Physics i.e. Newton's Laws of Motion [pun intended] to fulfill. The forward force has to overcome the friction of the turning wheel and the component of the vertical weight of the roll. Goddammit!
Now, you're done with your dump. Or so you think. Recognize now how most toilet bowls come with auto flush? The type that flush even when you're still halfway through? And don't gimme that bullshit that you don't jump in fright whenever it happens. I do. I'm like what the fuck, which cobra is coming up the sewer and roaring to bite me in the arse, which is the most tender spot in a human body for your information. And, as if its not enuf that it flushes indiscriminately, ever woke up after you're done and wiped your arse and it DOESN'T flush?

Now, you stand there thinking. Should I just run the risk of leaving the cubicle, but what if the shit stays there as a warning to other users? Or should I just sit back down and simulate a shit so the damn sensor will pick up on it and flush? Another dilemma to solve, fuck la i got no time man!

Ok, again assuming you're done with that stressful situation, now come the taps yeah. Please DO wash your hands after anything you do in the toilet, if not for cleanliness at least to keep up appearances yeah?

Now, these friggin taps also sometimes got those sensors that decide how much water you need and for how long you need it. And if you got fooled the first time, the fuckin bastard sensor taunts you and doesnt let the water out the second time around. And when you are wary of that old wily mofo by now, that's when less water comes out for less time. This happens until you physically walk away from the sink and simulate yourself as a NEW user of that tap, that's when the microchip relents and gets you back to square one and by now you don't trust machines, like Will Smith in I,Robot, and you rush your goddamn time into getting all the water you can get to wash your hands, wipe your face and do your hair.

Why? Why these inventions. The reason was simple. Toilets harbour the highest number of harmful bacteria of any other venue [this is the common misconception, studies have shown that a typical office desk has tons more bacteria than a typical toilet]. So, smart ass scientists or what not decided that no one should touch anything and everything could be automated cos you'd never know if the previous guy who pressed the flush had some kinda skin disease that's communicable.

Well, good job guys. Great inventions in the name of hygiene and cleanliness. So, Mr. XXX now has total confidence in shitting and peeing in his public toilet cos it is soo hygenic, and then what does he do after drying his hands? HE walks and handles bare-handed, that FILTHY toilet door handle of course!

Why am I not surprised? The ironies of technology...

Adieu!

3rd Jan

School's starting tomorrow. Yes, except for the A level and O level pricks who should have already got a job by now and shouldn't be living on their parents allowances. Tsk Tsk.

It's sad really, spending all ur parents cash till the age of what, 24 for the fellas and 22 for the women. Tuition fees for uni, allowance for school, some get their first car for their 21st birthday, downpayment of course from daddy dearest.

Then there are the less fortunate ones, slogging to help supplement the family income to make ends meet.

I am in neither category yet am money hungry. Read in the papers today of some SMU undergrad saying he wants to be a millionaire by 25 and a billionaire by 40. I can imagine, his own friends laughing at this earnest wannabe.

But what the hell, there are millionaires a dime a dozen in the USA. And most of them are under the age of 25! All it takes is just one idea cos the market is the world. You don't even need all 6 billion of the world's population to buy ur damn product. Just 1% is enough to make u a millionaire many times over aint it?

So, don't laugh at lofty ambitions. Instead make your own.In time for the new year at least.

BTW, If you want to be on my VIP Guest List for my yatch party in Cannes in time for the Film Fest where I'll be bonking yet another porn star. Do let me know. Oh yes, the year will be 2020.

Adieu!

Arul hard at work at yet another Scouts Report. Damn scouts! Haha. Oh well, and he wears that low class casio watch 24/7! One day gonna steal it from him in his sleep and destroy it.

NFS MW

My new desktop wallpaper. I am thoroughly proud of this achievement. Do share my joy.

And the lovelies that got me there.

Write a book

First, new year greetings. It's so overhyped, this holiday. Only serves to provide the wealthy to get even more wealthy and the happy to stay happy by forking out money to buy the goods of the wealthy. Did u get that? or do u think i'm rambling? Read it again.

The 31st was a damn good day. Need for Speed Most Wanted is completed. I am Blacklist 1 National Fugitive, Car Racer supremo of the streets. My very first game that I completed with the exception of the arcade days when one coin would suffice to complete street fighter or marvel vs capcom 3 times over. Alas, I had to do it with my brother's and cousin's help. So thanks mates, that's fuckin teamwork!

Now, I'm stuck in 2 minds as to what to do with the damn 60 dollar game. 60 bucks only buys 1 month of computer fun these days. Haiz, if only I had invested in WoW. For the uninitiated, that's World of Warcraft. Top notch RPG but too complex for even me to sit down and plow through.

Also, Post-Xmas sales are on the road. Now these are the true money savers, ask anyone. Clearing stock that couldn't be bought [i have no idea how this happens], even with the tons of ppl thronging the malls, is sold at rock bottom joints. Though, fashion items are not really the most discounted. Look for furniture, house appliances, PC stuff and general sundry. Ok what, stock up the new year like miserly Indians that we are.

There are no resolutions coming up, ever. I don't make resolutions. Why make something, you know you will end up breaking? Just live life man. No need restrictions. Well if one fine day you decide not to be a smoking alcoholic wife beater then so be it. Let revelation dawn on that day. The work/school year is too stressful to keep to any of the bullshit resolutions clowns have in January let alone the first quarter of the year. I did think of a few, even those that did appear in random thoughts, I've already broken 2 of them.

Typical. Ah neh's tired. I'll just hand over the reins to Ah Seng and Ah Kow tomorrow, see if they can do better.

Sombre. Solemn. Sian.

Adieu. `_^

P.S. I stayed home on the eve to catch Channel 5's movie marathon. So don't msn me with "so where did u party?". I had a huge ass slumber party with my 2 pillows and bolster.