Loyalists

Sorry for my absence. Still, I'm not staying for long. A short anecdote on re-affirming my way of surviving in the office environment. I've always been a firm advocate that whatever else happens the one thing that will get you through the compliments and detriments of your working life is never your talent, not your attitude, not results not blatant cock sucking but the existence of FRIENDS. Sadly, people like the P-Man never got this, even with 30 years of slogging through the service. Antics of the P-Man HERE.

A small example on what it means to have a familiar face and voice on the other end of the phone. Firstly, the players in this tale. Me, a colleague whom I always smoke and shoot the breeze with, a superior [nice guy yet not so gullible to little stunts].

Me: Morning, who is this ah?
Friend: This is ****.
Me: Oh, eh brother, ah neh here la. I don't feel like coming in, KNN feel one kind, how ah?

Now the charade begins

Friend: Oh, you are very sick ah! [tone much louder than earlier, so that superior understands this is a "real" thing]
Me: Urmz, yeah man, damn sick.
Friend: What, high fever is it? [Maintaining loud tone]
Me: Yes, that sounds like a good reason.
Friend: What temperature Sir?
Me: What is a good temperature?
Friend: 37.8 degrees ah? Wah, better go doctor fast. Call us later to update us.
Me: Thanks man. You the best-est.

Simple? Now go out and be friends with everybody. Leave out the fellas who are dependent on muscle supplements [their brains one kind], the immature rich brats [their mouth one kind] and the ones who no one friends either [something must be very wrong with them].

Adieu!

Why we love Jack Black?

JB: What's it gonna be Kyle? You have to decide... Tits... or Destiny.
KG: [Lifting up his shirt] Tits.

If you hadn't already realized, the PICK of destiny refers to a guitar pick and not to pick and choose something. Though, the twofold meaning could have got viewers to actually try and derive the meaning of life thru this 1.5 hours of Jack Black madness. Not his best flick, not his worst either. Ah, back to why we love watching Jack Black on the silver screen.

Oh the dragons balls were blazin' as I stepped into his cave,
Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles,
With a long and shiney blade!
'Twas I who fucked the dragon,
Fuckalize sing-fuckaloo!
And if you try to fuck with me,
Then I shall fuck you too!
Gotta get it on in the party zone!
I gots to shoot a load in the party zone!
Gotta lick a toad in the party zone!
Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!

After this he gets whacked on his bottom by a nice fat leather belt.

If you think its time to fucking rock, and fucking roll, out of control,
and then you know you got to rock the block,
and fucking suck my fucking cock,
'cause when you rule, you fucking school all of the fools, out of their jewels,
'cause if you think it’s time,
if you think it’s time,
if you think it’s time to fucking rock.

After this, Kyle Gass tells him to shove up his opinions where the sun don't shine and walks.

I can't get to sleep tonight
No matter how hard I try
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the wind is a whistlin'
And I can't seem to put out the light
Momma's been searching for baby
But baby been tryin' to get home
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the moon cannot light the way
And Daddy's gone - (bye bye)

After this, the dudes from A Clockwork Orange come club the shit outa him.

Now how could you not like a guy like this?

I am looking for Tenacious D shirts. If you happen to chance upon them in Singapore or just decide to be overly Christmassy with me and order it online, do gimme a shout.

tenacious d, pick of destiny, jack black, kyle gass
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Suicide Protocol

So, this is what you'd end up as the next time you figure the MRT is the way to end your cowardly life. Do what you have to do to end it, my personal suggestion is carbon monoxide and car with engine running. Don't however, inconvenience poor bastards who gotta get to work and elsewhere on time.

Excuses are seldom heeded in upper management. They figure trees never fall across Lornie Road, bodies never fall across MRT tracks and canals seldom overflow with floodwaters when they are on their way to work. The next time you have a bright suicide idea, at least ensure your final send off isn't packaged with the curses of random onlookers.


mrt, yishun, suicide
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History of a Hack

So, I got hacked right. Or did I? A brief history of what happened. But, I must say, Microsoft beats Google hands down in Customer Service Support.

1. All your e-mails have a personal employee name attached to it.
2. You actually feel you are talkin to a human being and not a machine.
3. You actually think your problem MIGHT be solved.
4. Microsoft kinda gets it that the true owner of an account is the one who can provide the most information about it.

First, what was done when I realized I had lost control:



This was why I had this strong feeling it had to be Singapore-induced. I mean which other countrys' clowns are soo into this particular social networking site. There's tons others where these came from.


Ah, the way to a man's heart. Go after his blogs. Thank god I prefer Gmail's interface to Hotmail's.

And thus after Microsoft's impeccable service and assistance, I managed to retrieve my Friendster password. Lo and behold:


Now, shall we all go on the legendary witch [muffin23] hunts of Salem? Anyhow, if you wanna keep my Gmail MSN add, do so. Unless you are pretty anal about redundant adresses then I think it's pretty safe to say I have reverted back to my original MSN add.

If you ever get caught in the same situation, assuming you are the victim and not an aggressor, keep this info close to you to take back control of your account:

1. Your Windows Live ID Sign in name:
2. Your First and Last Name
3. Date of Birth (Month/date/year):
4. Country or Region:
5. State (if applicable):
6. Zip or Postal Code:
7. Your IP address (List the IPs from each computer that you used to access your account). You can go to http://www.whatismyip.com to find this information: (The numbers that appear at the top of this page will be your IP Address).
8. Answer to your Secret Question (if applicable):
9. Alternate Email address on account (if applicable):
10 Your Internet Service Provider (home or work):
11. Last date and time you successfully signed in:

Windows Live Mail:

1. Any folders you created (aside from the default folders):
2. Contacts in your address book:
3. Subjects of any old mail that is in your inbox or mail folders.

Windows Live Messenger:

1. A list of Contacts in your buddy list.
2. Your Windows Live Messenger Nickname (your Messenger Display name)

Adieu!

hack, gmail, google, hotmail, microsoft
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The Quiz

So, legend has it that NTU should not be calling their class tests, "quiz" or "continual assessment" because the words themselves do not describe the event taking place.

See, to "quiz" somebody would be to investigate someone's knowledge and the word brings to mind some rapid fire round in Jeopardy. Yet, the only talent you need possess is the optimum angle to crane your neck and shift your beady eyes in order to peer onto the foreign worker student's paper next to you / in front of you / behind you [if you are extremely talented].

A "continual assessment" however would bring about imagery of a consistent work flow with adequate progressive checks and balances along the way to achieve the set goals. Not the case in an institution where even attendance in tutorials has been ejected for the sake of accommodating our rowdy study style [attend nothing but the final exams giving you 3 months of solid holidays].

Yet, some tutors place such great importance in these quizzes and CAs that it is quite weird the way they are so anal about attending them. For example, for a module I already know I failed [results aint even out yet], I had an MC for one of my tests. Granted, an MC gives you immunity, in the normal context of the rules and regulations. However, my anal tutor decides to tell me I now qualify for a "makeup quiz". To make up what? Make up the lack of attendance.

Let me get this straight, I queue for 20 odd minutes behind a phlegm spewing old man and seated beside the most nastiest 3 year old you could ever meet, pay 20 dollars for medication I don't need, just to sit for this test? Now, why the fuck would I have bothered to if I still have to write the goddamn thing? So, I reply my tutor saying I don't think I can make it cos my leg very the pain, due to an unfortunate street soccer incident. With much care and concern, he replied: "Well, I can arrange another one for you on Friday. This is your final chance."

I was seething by now. Which part of I don't think I will pass a test on Ordinary Differential Equations even if I studied for it don't the fuck do you understand? I CHOOSE the easy way out. I pay 20 dollars for immunity not a re-chance to relive the glory days, you fuckin prick!

But truth be told, some tutors make it all worthwhile. They know that the only times they are gonna see some of our faces are during these twice a semester tests and they had better make use of that 1/2 hour to impress upon us that they ARE intelligent beings, not by virtue of their PhDs but by their talent in setting a question paper.

A group of young undergraduates walk into class one time hoping to ace their quiz. Some spent the whole night mugging, some though preferred to morally encourage those who would be pulling all-nighters and hope their support would equate to a 5-letter redemption. [MCQ quiz ma. 5 questions. 5 letters. 5 answers]

So, imagine the look on all these blokes' faces when the question paper turns out to look something like this:

Q1. What is the name of your tutor?
Q2. What is the name of your lecturer?
Q3. On what days and times are the lectures held?
Q4. Related to subject matter
Q5. Related to subject matter

As you might have already realized, for the "visit my tutorial lesson twice a semester" students, an immediate failure was staring them right at their faces. It didn't help that the tutor was Chinese and all the choices listed were Chinese names either.

So what do you do when put in a tough spot like this?

You walk out.

I did. [I failed this quiz in honour of this prof's talent. I respect talent. Enough to sacrifice 6% of my final grade for.]

Chanced upon this in this guy called Sara's post of a professor and his MBA students. Good read, here.

ntu, professor, quiz
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Hacked!

Ok, it's official. It wasn't the residue of alcohol or invalid psychomotor skills. I have got hacked. My MSN and Hotmail to be exact cos they share a password. Karma maybe, yet the last time I tried it, I went on the extreme and just deleted the entire online presence of the party not just hold on and think "now what can this 5 year old do with this toy".

1. Good job in changing the secret question. The new question is "Favourite teacher?". Knowing well beforehand I would have NONE. [and don't think I didn't try "none", "nobody", "no teacher" already]

2. Mofo must be Singaporean. The traits are all there. First the Hotmail and immediately the Friendster. Is it such a show of power? Taking control of one's Friendster account? What's the most you can do? Change my occupation to Gigolo? Non-existent nude photos? What? What?

3. Thank you though. It's been heck of a long time I did proper housekeeping on my MSN list. I was running out of categories to store everyone perfectly. Blame my OCD tendencies if you will. Now, we start from scratch. Just like the first time you lose your handphone and think to yourself the world is over, yet it works out good, cos only the worthwhile ones will hunt you down again.

4. To all, add me at ahneh69@gmail.com

Adieu!

Tag Me

If you tag me about this post I'll :

1. respond with something random about you.
2. challenge you to try something.
3. pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. tell you something I like about you
5. tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours

So you have till tomorrow to tag and i'd comment about all those of you who tag saying you want me to do the above!!! In return, you gotta post this on your own blogs!

I'm reduced to blatant cut and pasting and reliving my tween days. Such anguish. Still, if you're game for it, go for it.

Tis is also the season for tributes. And I thank me lovelies for knowingly or unknowingly doing it in the space of a few days apart. Good refresher from mundane work and externalities.

This is just a tribute!
You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there!
Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck!
Good God, God lovin' ,
So surprised to find you can't stop me

Adieu!

100 Influential Men

Now, there happens to be this bloke. Michael Hart, who decided he shall dredge through all history all the way to the first caveman and pick the 100 most influential people in history. It could be pretty boring to just trawl through the list and think to yourself, "Who is this again?" , "What did he do? Was he a rocket scientist?". But, since the book did get rave reviews, maybe you should take another look at these 100 folks and ask yourself, how much DO you know really about the people who have shaped history as we know it?

That's if you can get your head out of the next guy's arse for the next five minutes. What? You like the constriction? It's therapy? Ok, then, skip along, Polly Pocket.

I've coloured the ones I know at least a teeny weeny bit about. My score is thus: 49/100. Well, isn't this the season of failure all of a sudden?

1. Prophet Muhammad
2. Isaac Newton
3. Jesus Christ
4. Buddha
5. Confucius
6. St. Paul
7. Ts'ai Lun - Inventor of paper
8. Johann Gutenberg - Developed movable type and advances in printing
9. Christopher Columbus
10. Albert Einstein
11. Karl Marx
12. Louis Pasteur
13. Galileo Galilei
14. Aristotle
15. Lenin
16. Moses
17. Charles Darwin
18. Shih Huang Ti
19. Augustus Caesar
20. Mao Tse-tung
21. Genghis Khan
22. Euclid
23. Martin Luther
24. Nicolaus Copernicus
25. James Watt
26. Constantine the Great - Conqueror and legalized Christianity in the Byzantine Empire
27. George Washington
28. Michael Faraday
29. James Clerk Maxwell - Formulated the basic laws of electricity and magnetism
30. Orville Wright and Wilbur Wright
31. Antoine Laurent Lavoisier - Father of modern chemistry
32. Sigmund Freud
33. Alexander the Great
34. Napoleon Bonaparte
35. Adolf Hitler
36. William Shakespeare
37. Adam Smith - Helped create the modern discipline known as economics
38. Thomas Edison
39. Anthony van Leeuwenhoek - Father of microbiology
40. Plato - Philosopher
41. Guglielmo Marconi - Inventor of radio
42. Ludwig van Beethoven
43. Werner Heisenberg - Creator of quantum mechanics
44. Alexander Graham Bell
45. Alexander Fleming
46. Simon Bolivar - AKA "El Libertador", gained independence for Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Panama and Bolivia
47. Oliver Cromwell - Made England a republic, commanded the Army by having anal sex with his superiors
48. John Locke - Contributed majorly to political philosophy especially liberal theory
49. Michelangelo
50. Pope Urban II - Started the First Crusade
51. Umar ibn al-Khattab - Second Caliph of Islam
52. Asoka
53. St. Augustine - Major development of Western Christianity
54. Max Planck - Founder of quantum theory
55. John Calvin - Founder of Calvinism or reformed theology
56. William T.G. Morton - Inventor of anesthesia
57. William Harvey - Credited with detailing the blood circulatory system
58. Antoine Henri Becquerel - Discovered radioactivity
59. Gregor Mendel - Father of modern genetics
60. Joseph Lister - Promoted idea of sterile surgery
61. Nikolaus August Otto - Inventor of internal combustion engine
62. Louis Daguerre - Inventor of photography
63. Joseph Stalin
64. Rene Descartes - Father of modern mathematics
65. Julius Caesar
66. Francisco Pizarro
67. Hernando Cortes - Initiated Spanish conquest of Mexico
68. Queen Isabella I - Laid foundation for political unification of Spain
69. William the Conqueror - Invaded England and won the Battle of Hastings
70. Thomas Jefferson - Author of Declaration of Independence
71. Jean-Jacques Rousseau - Philosopher
72. Edward Jenner - Introduced smallpox vaccine
73. Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen - Discovered EM radiation
74. Johann Sebastian Bach
75. Lao Tzu
76. Enrico Fermi - Developed first nuclear reactor
77. Thomas Malthus - Political economist and demographer
78. Francis Bacon - Philosopher
79. Voltaire - Philosopher
80. John F. Kennedy
81. Gregory Pincus - Inventor of contraceptive pill
82. Sui Wen Ti - Did a whole lot for China
83. Mani - Religious preacher
84. Vasco da Gama - Explorer, first to sail directly from Europe to India
85. Charlemagne - Founder of France, Germany and some say Europe
86. Cyprus the Great - ???
87. Leonhard Euler - Mathematician
88. Niccolo Machiavelli
89. Zoroaster - Founder of Zoroastrianism
90. Menes - United Egypt into one kingdom
91. Peter the Great - Made Russia into major European power
92. Mencius
93. John Dalton - Advocacy of atomic theory
94. Homer
95. Queen Elizabeth
96. Justinian I - Last Roman emperor
97. Johannes Kepler - First theoretical astrophysicist
98. Pablo Picasso
99. Mahavira - Established Jainism
100. Niels Bohr

Now, for every name you are dumbfounded by. There's always Wikipedia. Otherwise, buy the book HERE.

michael h. hart, 100 most influential persons in history
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The Greener Side

Yinteresting. Hmmm.

SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be too afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

8. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

On a different note, I am in dire requirement of the following:

1. A civil engineer who is currently employed in the industry
2. A person who is adept at creating MIDI files using their PC and plugged in peripherals
3. Anyone who has just got done with their prom night

If you are not any of the above, but can put me in touch with such an individual, please do. MSN me.

Adieu!

World Aids Day

Well, World Aids Day has come and gone. Twas on 1st Dec for the ignorant. Anyhow, at least for this week the local media will be going all out with "Safe Sex" and "No Discrimination" articles at full blast. Of course, expect it to die down once Chrissy season hits.

Is it just me or do the local papers just play football like we used to using 2 dollar rubber balls running around the void deck? You know, no structure, no formation, no delegation, no strategy. Find a new flavour, chase it till it runs dry and foul and then wait for the next hot topic to hit the streets.

The cartoons in the Straits Times were very enlightening though. Especially the one about a woman who was infected by her husband and later was expecting her third child. I definitely didn't know that there is a 95-98% chance that a HIV infected woman will NOT give birth to a HIV infected child. That's pretty good odds. God is gracious.

There is another subterranean movement on the world sex charts. Global Orgasm Day.


Read more about this subtly kooky yet so logical intiative, HERE.

Exercise great prudence when reading the papers is my thought. They want you to fuck, yet they want you to fuck safe [condom mana ada shiok?]. They want more kids to be born, yet they are steadily raising the costs of raising one. The coppers are the reason behind our fine, secure society yet an illegal immigrant can get killed in a prison cell brawl. What gives?

But of course, when it feels like the world's in shambles and you don't know what to trust and you're quite out of focus; you can always take heart that the blokes running the world are still psychomotor-impaired idiots.



Adieu!

world aids day, global orgasm, singapore
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