Drive me Crazy

Now you know why they shouldn't drive? Go ahead flip your finger with no reservations at all felines behind the wheel.


NB: This post went up only because you said this was becoming a joke of the day site. I had to re-read the message to see if what you meant was it was becoming a joke. My problem? Grin.

Blue Heeler

A ranter I'm impressed with: The Blue Heeler.

Commentary on both sides of the Johor Straits coupled with evidenciary links that take you to sites you wouldn't normally trawl for info.

Adieu!

Kid's Say The Darndest Thing

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.

- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

- Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.

- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

- Lynnette, age 8

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that. Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.

- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

- Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

- Kelvin, age 8 *my personal favourite, the child genius

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

- Ricky, age 10

Stand by one. Minor overhaul and deleting of spare parts past their warranty in progress on this page.

Carcinogen

Laughter, peace, motherfuckin' fun and ME. Something everyone needs more of.

Seen at the workplace, pasted just below the window ledge in the rest room where we eat, rest [doh] and catch up on ChannelNewsAsia:

Please do not throw your cigarette butts out of the window.
The cockroaches are getting cancer.

Adieu!

We are the Bhai of Mumbai

When gangsters wax lyrical. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the subtitled version. Just ask a friend will ya.

Adieu!

Christian Calling Cards

The Bible has many urm, interesting passages:

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message : 'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins with : 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'

Genesis 3:10 reads : 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

Push Ups

A: Good morning to you Sir.
Me: Let's dispense with the formalities. Just give me 20 push ups.
[pregnant pause]
A: Urm. I don't use those.

HHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA. KNN. I have not laughed liked this since like urm Wacko Jacko was still black.

Adieu!

Are You Clear?

Because everyone needs a credit card they don't really need.

New Sintercom

I write for New Sintercom too.
Click HERE.

Modern Protocol

Modern Protocol

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever ! you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong! and she agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

Adieu!

Dear Walter

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

Lesson learnt? Ask the right questions of the right people. Otherwise, just say "I'd love to answer that but it's not within my pay grade to do so"

Raise Them Right

The right way to raise your offspring and spotting the genius in them.

Ad Man's Dream

The stuff ad men dream off. I fink. Or maybe good candidates for a caption contest.

Coma Sutra

A new festive creation from TshirtHell.com.
Try this on for size.