Great Wave off Kanagawa

The 36 Views of Mt. Fuji by Hokusai. I need to do up this montage of the 36. I heart Great Wave off Kanagawa [above]. In a 9 by 4 rectangle. Done up all artsy and to be mounted gallery like. Anyone knows where I can go to get it done? A one stop shop thanks. Not print it here and bring it there and mount it there and bring it there and frame it there and bring it there and.... you know what I mean. Block 9 off La Salle doesn't count. Neither does Peace Centre nor that huge ass printer blokes at UOB Centre. kthxbye.

Compilation

You know I wanted to write about this whole mudderfuckin crazy week. From the nocturnalitis to the booze to the poker to the broads. But I shall digress.

This be the cast of We Will Rock You. Ruby and his stolen shot. Actually still shots aren't criminal, it's those who video it who oughta be whipped. As some shit fuck of a colonel once said "Yes, the rules are written this way. But what was the intent of them writing it that way. You must not grab one sentence or para out of context and interpret it. Interpret the orders in its entirety".

Much thanks to all those who managed to turn up on Friday sans Selva. Not often we get to hijack some establishment's birthday and make it our personal fiefdom. Much love to Mavis [big jump no, admin asst to project whatchamacallit at a civil eng firm] and the rest of the faces I think I recognize but I don't remember your name because my handphone directory is full. Pre-post drunk pics are all on FB so have a go. And yes my nose is genetic.

Other than the ICJ saying, we get the lighthouse and our northern neighbours get a coupla rocks [what does one do with rocks? set up deck chairs and gaze and what could have been?], the world I guess is still hyped up over the top stories:

1. Obama vs Clinton [did she bring up Bobby Kennedy's assassination cos she was psychic?]
2. Earthquake and all natural disasters in the region [I'm going all Buddhist cos apparently only the Buddha statues survived the carnage.]
3. Holland Rd cave in due to Circle Line works [no brainer. Reference: Nicoll Highway]
4. GSS [discount coupons galore. I have one thing to say, sashay shante, shante, shante, shante - RuPaul]


This is the event I missed. And I couldn't care less. No love lost looking at the schedule in June. God bless carrying over of leave. 42 mudderfucker days yo. Fo sho.

Now don't go on and on about the GSS. The art of shopping is now for degrees, dips, certs and various "I say you do" upgrade courses. For all that you can't possibly get awarded from a foreign university for, there's Kinokuniya / Borders.

You really wanna know how to make big money out of this booming education industry? Referrals. 300 a pop. Interested already? Buzz me.

Adieu!

P.S. To the affable Priya who said such nice stuff on Friday, get in touch no?

Ipod vs Jaw

I shouldn't have been listening to my Ipod when you had it caught in your clamp like jaws.

I apologize.

Curious

This is our world now. The world of the electron and the switch; the beauty of the baud. We exist without nationality, skin color, or religious bias. You wage wars, murder, cheat, lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals. Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity.

Marshal me to ERP

Started on my week long break. The hiatus from one and all. No exceptions, except pre-approved applications. I marked my last day before the break shocking the hell out of one of the aircraft marshallers we work with.

Aircraft marshallers are the dudes who wear reflective gloves, ear defenders and basically help an aircraft to park. The spot to stop is usually denoted by a little yellow T, quite impossible to guage from the cockpit of an aircraft. Hence, a little thing like the height of an aircraft has spawned thousands of jobs for a needed role. The wonders of job creation. These dudes are also often what controllers are mistaken for by old aunties and uncles and unshockingly also the younger ones like Gen X/Y-ers. A typical conversation:



Ah Soh: Boyyyyy, where you working?
Me: Air force.
Ah Soh: Pilot ah.
Me: No. Controller.
Ah Soh: Oh, the one stand in front and do like this like this one ah. [gestures hands like marshaller]
Me: No. In the glass tower.
Ah Soh: Oh, "roger roger" ah.
Me: Yes, I say it 50,000 times a day.

Fuck all you uneducated, ignorant fools.

In other news, Nal and me went on a grand dame tour. The coming of the full moon tour. Butter was boring. New Asia had typical Bhangra-ites [maybe they missed the boat to the gig at Indochine] and Attica was just too smoky. Overall we got smashed. Life's good. Pity we had to ditch the Esplanade material. There's always Google.

Do you notice that anytime guys from work or your buddies need to plan to meet or go someplace and they all drive, the conversation steers to "the route with no ERP". And then you get people with photographic memory trying to close their eyes and mentally drive through the roads in question. Hilarious but important. That 50 cents, that 1 buck goes a long way.

Never ask my Dad for directions. Firstly, it is an opening to let him do his necessary CID work. I believe he harbours an inner desire to be a cop. I relate the occurrence:

Me: Pa, how to get to Park Mall from here without hitting ERP?
Dad: What day you need to go?
Me: Weekday night, about 6 pm.
Dad: What time?
Me: I just told you.
Dad: Oh ya, will kena ERP during that time la.
Me: Don't I know that? That's why I'm asking if there's some way not to go through the gantry?
Dad: Hmmm. Ok, take CTE and come out Cairnhill.
Me: Uh huh.
Dad: Go down Scotts Road then Paterson and turn into River Valley Road.
Me: Ok.
Dad: Then go past your "area" [MS] and make a left turn at Tank Road temple.
Me: Go on. [quite impressed that I'm getting a solution here]
Dad: Then just stop before the ERP and walk over la.
Me: ???!?!#?!@?#?@!?#?!@#!@??!@$?!?#$?#$?#?$? Stop and walk!
Dad: Aiya, just take the bloody train la then don't need to worry about ERP.
Me: I give up.

You know wan. [this is for you Gina]

Kenny Sia versus Mac Dees

Kenny Sia shows why he's Malaysia's all time favourite blogger. And no, he didn't contest the General Elections. He's too busy doing photoshoots with part time models for all that. Tis be Kenny Vs. Mac Dees, or as you will see, it wasn't him per se.

Click HERE.

Enjoy.

The Randomizer

Random thoughts boggle. Booger woogie. Nose studs gleam like a satellite. Wisdom teeth and deep throats. No clocks in Vegas joints. KK told me KK takes 40 grand a month scamming punters on Texas Hold'Em. YKK makes millions ensuring your dick stays in your pants. Flutterby becomes Butterfly. The Lord , your God, the Lord of Hosts has two of mine. 6 toed Monroe puts her skirt down. Saw CXO at DXO. My colour state goes up and down like a whore's pants. The Marlboro owner dies of lung cancer. Smoking kills, but kills who?

Where the fuck are her eyebrows? King David used a spade, Alexander clubbed them to death, Charlemagne was Casanova to the French and Caesar's with Kanye's blood diamonds. Honey never spoils. Old wives tales are valid for old wives and beyond their time Majors. Get some, get none. Duty on duty off. Disgruntled drivers and dissident deputies. Sexy (hairless) second left-te-nants. Mao's Mein Kampf. Hydrazine is not purple. Barney is. Barney isn't gay. Dumbledore is. Godiva killed my dog. Lankans shake their heads in approval. All continents end and start with the same letter. Pangaea was Pandora's wet dream. Lick your elbows. Can't. Lick ALL your teeth. Can't. My grave has a horse with 2 legs in the air. Yankee Doodle riding fair. When I move, you move. Just like that.

Arigato gosai mashita. Domo.

McHappy

What you waiting for?

You know wannnnnnnnnn. And what smart mofo actually managed to invent and successfully market a bun infused with maple syrup.

This is just wrong.

Myanmar Mire

It's the latest natural disaster to whack mankind and it's closer to home this time. Not as close as the Tsunamis but close still. The death toll is mindboggling, the number reported missing [and most probably dead too] is shocking.

Even the total fatalities recorded for Katrina wasn't as earth shattering [pardon the pun] as what the Burmese have been hit by. Expect a lot of pledging of supplies, food and medical aid to be flowing in [pardon the pun] by observers worldwide. Singapore will be expected to follow suit and not to give the game away, expect a response not unlike how we went forth to help our Southern neighbours during the Boxing Day Tsunami.

The Yangon government though does not seem to be pulling it's weight well enough to be assisting it's citizens quick enough. But wait, this is a charge leveled at every governmental body through every other disaster. Bureaucracy's a bitch to move. And the gears lack good ol' SINGER oil most of the time. The "holy art thou" Buddhist monks have rallied together with the locals to remove trees [which block roads], provide what little aid they can provide and assist survivors to relocate or locate lost belongings and family. Cambodia should take a leaf from this. Don't hurt the monks. They are useful in times of need.

To offer your own aid, please choose reputable organizations and not any tom, dick and harry motherfucker who rattles a recycled aluminum tin under your nose to catch your dripping mucus in this searing heat.

My personal suggestions:

International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent

World Vision

Credible and donations can be via credit card, cheque, wired transfers or any other means listed in their webbies.

The Myanmar Embassy website ought to have been the first cut to information about the disaster their country is facing and the subsequent aid relief efforts, but it is a highly dissapointing site to visit. The only news about the relief effort is hidden in a nook and when you click that link, you get HERE.

Nuff said. The power of the Internet has still not permeated through politicians worldwide. And it's not only the Malaysians who are finally wising up to it.

God Bless.

End of the World

The end of the world inspires such great creative thought all around. Check out this great anime-skit.

http://www.endofworld.net/

Follow this by reading Nostradamus and trying to decipher if all his verses truly had mega poetic license going on or was he so literal that he shouldn't have been classified a prophet. We all know all the great prophets never said things straight.

Adieu!

Engrish

Because it is such a global village and it's hosting the Olympics. Big up you batti boys.

Batam Bambinos

And so once upon a time, four chicanos headed off to the lost land of Batam, one of a thousand islands our southern neighbours had to offer. Rife with rumours of 12 year old sex, second wives [we actually spotted the condo the ah peks put up their sidelines at] and cheapo currency, we let Courier [name protected in case he gets lynched] make the booking.

Alas, this was a man who did not comprehend that the RATIONALE of wanting to go to a 3rd world nation, was so we could spend less and achieve the same. He however was a 5 star traveller. He eats Michelin stars for breakfast, we however make do with Nestle HoneyStars.

The main event was to learn how to ski/wakeboard. Not slow and steady tugged by a powerboat that has seen its beautiful days lost to the algae, but by a cable, to a winch to a circular circuit. Pulled off your ass at breakneck speed, expected to keep your balance and STILL manage some X-Games tricks along the way.

This was not an adventure for the wary. Sore butts, torn groins and boobs popping out of ye bikini tops was all so common. It's no wonder it's fully booked. You pay to get slammed into water. I mean that should be a sport by itself. We'd do famously.

Oh, I haven't introduced the rest of the cast. There was Courier, Jekyll. Nigel [he didn't read The Game so he didn't get awarded a callsign], and me. We tried and tried and tried. Twas like a course we all were so used to hearing about. SCSC. Some Can, Some Cannot.

Courier could. And how lucky we actually figured out how to use the damn video function on the camera in time.

Nigel on his 2nd time around still couldn't. So much for "if you fail, try and try again" and "practise makes perfect". He wasn't reading the right books.

I'd love to talk more about the massage with excruciating pain inflicted on untested soles of feet. The next time someone claims they know reflexology, make sure they don't own a blunt object to dig your pressure points with. I'm sorry, I still managed to sleep amidst all that. How immune to pain, some people can be.

Ultimately, although we spent more then we should, like typical Singapore wankers. I still had a blast. Thanks KJ. Fuck you Courier, for your room that had a jacuzzi while ours only had a bath, fuck you cos you had a safe while mine was "invisible". Haha. And the next time you want to "stay for one more beer" at PP Banana [apparently the island's only lapdance joint], I'll make sure you get the company of Cicy for the rest of your stay.

Full photo stream at:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2860&id=227800219
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2858&id=227800219

Adieu!

Audit Cx

Dear Alexis, no matter how much you stir me to sign off the way I sign on my credit card; I insist that initialing in the log book is A-Ok this way, as long as I always initial the same way. So, quit it. It's pretty irritating already darling. And keep the tupperware container the kueh lapis came in. My mum buys and stores them, I donate them for the good of mankind.

Nuff said.

Star Gazing

Hot girl at a party. In one of those, let me show you how poetic my facial expression gets when I gaze at the seldom seen night sky.

She: Waaah. So nice that star. I'm gonna make a wish.
Me: Which one? That one?
She: Yeah.
Me: Not much of an astronomer are you? That aint even a star.
She: Really?
Me: It's a satellite. You know cos the light doesn't twinkle. Forgot your nursery rhymes did ya? One of 40,000 circling the earth together with about 40 tons of space junk.
She: Bloody fucker. Had to spoil the moment right.
Me: I do my best.

Adieu!