Dear Walter

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

Lesson learnt? Ask the right questions of the right people. Otherwise, just say "I'd love to answer that but it's not within my pay grade to do so"

Raise Them Right

The right way to raise your offspring and spotting the genius in them.

Ad Man's Dream

The stuff ad men dream off. I fink. Or maybe good candidates for a caption contest.

Coma Sutra

A new festive creation from TshirtHell.com.
Try this on for size.

Suck on This

For heaven's sake. Don't they put disclaimers on beach chairs anymore?
The "Balls may get stuck" kind.

Power Volley

It was a simple volleyball tournament. The different factions [Red, Blue, Green, Yellow] of the institute I was in would square off round robin style and then the victors will gain points accordingly to see who was the "sportiest" faction for that work year. Simple concept? Not so simple when you view the management of the institute proper that had an imbalance of a certain "coloured" people.

So, the first game got underway. Yellow and Green went at it. Everyone loves to hate Green so it was not too painful to watch them lose though we actually have more Green friends than Yellow friends [make that 0 Yellow friends].

Then, it was Blue Vs. Red. Blue is us, and we were there in full force. Masculine pom pom-mers. Players kitted out in their regalia and coach reviewing the team list. We had mass participation from middle management to the lowly scrubs, it was a real team affair.

Alas, Red was nowhere to be seen! The rules and regulations clearly state that in the event of a no-show after 15 minutes from the promulgated match time, there would be a walkover for the opponents. The organizer, notably not highly ranked in the social echelon enough to put his foot down and make that decision decides to "wait it out", going to the extent of calling up the Red teamsters enquiring as to where the hell they were!

The truth unfolds slowly. The bald dude in charge of forming the Red team, had gone on "my wife is pregnant" leave. Neither did he bother to forward his mail to someone else who could handle his duties in his absence. As a result, they were none the wiser. Now I show you the org chart.

Although, the organizer on hand was of the lower 'uns, the main man in charge of the smooth flow of the tourney was .... drumroll.... a RED man [Red 2]! He's a friend of mine so I shan't go about too much on his ass. In the crowd, there were murmurs of dissension. Was there gonna be a legal and righteous walkover or not? Or was the kelong element going to rear it's ugly head again based on the handshake pacts and hush hush phone calls of the top echelon. Namely, Blue 1 and Red 1. Now, we consider the implications.

In the event that the Blue PPL had already plonked their effort and ass on the court awaiting the match and there was no walkover forthcoming, a lot of "face" will now be lost. The Blue PPL are gonna be generating some chewy phlegm to greet Blue 1 in the event that he allows a "friendly-let's just play it another day" end state. Red 2 as the overall co-ordinator is gonna be looked down on for seemingly siding with his Red counterparts although his position should in fact guarantee impartial judgments.

End? There WAS a walkover. Not before lots of badgering and foul faces. Still, it was a thin line between polluting the minds of 18-19 year olds that rules and regulations are just superficially there to look good on printed paper whereas they're easily bent and rendered void based on some top echelon agreements. Though, this didn't occur here, it IS permeating thru all levels of our society. Work, school, social settings and what not. The moment you show it obviously that rules can be bent based on whims, then why the fuck do you bother to pen out rules anyway?

Still, there is another group of bozos who don't even know why a regulation is there and what exactly it regulates. As long as it is in a nice red leather covered binder. Observe below.

When asked why a certain rule was such back in Secondary 3, a brilliant teacher retorts:

"Rules are meant to be followed because they are rules!"

Adieu!

Soccerama

Just reminiscing about the past 4 months with the boys and yeah, I'm gonna fuckin miss them. Each and everyone of the cadets. One of the happier moments apart from the daily "chanting" we receive that has landed at least one of us one step closer to an appointment with the ear doctor.

Why does one voluntarily come up with a proposal to organize a street soccer tournament? Cos, you're damn cock sure you're gonna win it that's why.

A small tete a tete with the a member of the team that finished 3rd reveals all.

He: Wah, you damn steady ah. Organize the tournament. Go and choose the medal. Buy the medal. Collect the medal. Later, awarded the medal.

Me: Ah boh. If not do for what?

Ma boys, the winners, in white vests. Staff in white too. Yellow are 3rd. Orange are 2nd. Booya! Interestingly the only 3 who didn't play on our team are the three "sideliners" from the course:

I wouldn't dare close this topic without some bragging. A vid of the magical steal and shot and "almost" goal. "Almost" Goal 3 of a 7-3 routing:

For maximum appreciation, do rewind and play, rewind and play till you get it in your dumb numbskull, Jabroni!

Risque Rice

And so it is just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me most of the time. And so it is the shorter story. No love, no glory, no hero in her skies.

And so it is just like you said it should be. We'll both forget the breeze most of the time. And so it is the colder water, the blower's daughter. The pupil in denial.

Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you......
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind.........off you.

Uniformed Politics

What kinda political system are we really in? Democracy? Socialist? Democratic socialism? Socialist democracy?

I say we're actually really communist. Judging from how workplace politics works in most of our civil and corporate joints.

Not going into specific details and time periods lest I get banged for getting factual incidents wrong, this is a comparative study on the great tiger, China and us [all aspects of our daily work].

1. People were often forced to make self criticisms by people who apparently were incapable of mistakes.

I see this every fuckin day. 2 cases in point. See, I have a bloke who works with me. To call him a colleague would be to fuckin glorify his already scum like presence. He's the kind who stands on a lower footing than one and yet "good naturedly for the good of the people" decides he is qualified enough to teach and impart his already limited knowledge on the subject at hand. Have you ever come across people who don't know jack shit yet profess to be experts? Yes, a handy skill when you are chatting up a chick who is into Impressionist Art. But, not if you are talking about technical expertise on a highly isolated subject and job scope. Did I mention, he is infallible? The Debrief King we call him. He fucks it up, he debriefs you. You fuck it up, he debriefs you too. What gives?

Recently, there was another major incident that could have resulted in the death of someone who had collapsed just cos of major incompetency and lack of balls to take a decision-itis. Yet, when the shit hit the fan, people didn't quite rush to the defence of the guy who DID have the balls to make a quick decision to possibly save a human life. Instead, they held back their comments in support to see what tack the higher-ups will take. Just like if Chairman Mao says you are a "capitalist roader", these are the ones who will quickie label ya and even pay for the tattoo for it on your forehead willingly with their last penny as long as their immediate boss says that's the way it goes.

P.S. None of the characters in the second tale is me.

2. Don't be fooled by being asked to speak up about your grievances. It is a death-trap.

I believe the fashionable word for this is "open reporting" or "workplace climate survey". Something like when the Communists said tell us your grievances and we'll sort it out. Most of them got labelled as siding with the capitalist powers trying to inject poison into their foolproof system and got tortured and hanged as a result. Or imprisoned in-house.

Last year, when a similar climate survey was done. 4 people I know flagged up very pertinent points on the incompetency of their big boss vehemently. Guess what? They weren't even given the survey to do this time. How cool is that? Less paperwork. Less bad press more importantly.

Personally, you speak up against someone who thinks they got it all sewed up just fine just invites a labelling of "bad attitude", "going against the grain", "attempting to incite the innocents against the system". Seriously, go fuck yourself. If you're wrong and basically sometimes suck at doing your job, you should be told so and not be a sensitive teenage prick when told so. If you're wrong all the time, you should be thrown out of your appointment and asked to take a hike. Because every second more you occupy that seat is a danger to the mental and physical states of everyone under you.

3. The Boss is right. Whichever boss it is.

Ask anyone who is involved in a permanent job. No one really gives a flying fuck how the entire organization functions, except when it comes to salaries and bonuses. What matters most is your immediate and direct superior. See, you may go through 3 to 4 levels to hit the real Big Boss, but it's the one you directly report to first that's the most vital. Most vital to mental incapacity that is. Interestingly, when addressing any manpower grievances, the organization you work in probably thinks flinging money at you will make you stay longer and keep your gap shut. What about job satisfaction? What about working under incompetent losers? People who claim their own typographical and oral errors are of your stupidity and bad hearing.

Back in Communist China [like as if their political slants have changed], the local councils or chapters meant shit to the main man. If he says, make steel. You make steel. No one cares if you can't eat steel as opposed to crops. You just make steel.

Weed them out! Cut them with shears. Hear them scream. The next time you think the one directly above you is crap and looks out for their ass more than the hundreds below him, ask for a transfer. Better yet, quit. Trust me, it will be the best decision of your life.

Adieu!

4 Values

It's the norm or fad these days to quickly institute a plethora of values or principles we should adopt and follow to the T to ensure that the organization follows the same frequency and achieve maximum results.

Even at primary school, some values are fed into the syllabus and case-studies shown or talked about subliminally reinforcing the need to uphold that value. In my workplace we have 4 values we're supposed to abide by. Competency, Tenacity, Fortitude and Dynamism. And so, one fine day, like on many other fine (and rainy) days, some smart dude told another smart dude: "Hey, wouldn't it be great if we could do a presentation to correlate the 4 values? It'd look great!".

And thus the bow was strung, the arrow flew and it pierces all in its path, mercilessly. Regardless of race, language or religion. How do you put these 4 supposed all encompassing values together and still make it look seamless? Thankfully, we had beer.

This was the most brilliant thing I've ever heard or come up with in my lifetime. Pity, of all things lacking in my organization, a sense of humour is top on the list.

Now, visualize:

Slide 1: Welcome Slide
Slide 2: Scope
Slide 3: The Lottery Game [in big bold letters with Star Wars accompaniment music]
Slide 4: "Every week without fail, we buy 4D. Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday, everyday also we go and buy" ---> FORTITUDE
Slide 5: "When we buy, we buy damn fierce wan if we think we sure tiok. Sometimes 50 big 50 small" ---> TENACITY
Slide 6: "When we decide what number to buy, we know which circles to shade on the forms. Never has a 4D slip gone to waste under our watchful eyes" ----> COMPETENCY
Slide 7: "Notwithstanding 4D, TOTO and Singapore Sweep also we whack on a weekly and monthly basis" ---> DYNAMISM
Slide 8: Conclusion
Slide 9: QnA


Adieu!

Touch Me Education

Self - explanatory sequence of pictures. To think we wasted our goddamn time reading Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and The 3 Investigators. Life skills cum fairy tale stories. This is the new age kiddie story book. Enjoy.

Second Wind

What if you could get a second wind and do it all better again? Like your O levels or that soccer final you lost cos that last minute goal crept in, rolling painfully across the line way past everyone else's outstretched legs?

Seek your second wind. Might be one of the few things you actually are lucky to have.


Adieu!

NLBrouhaha

The NLB recently sent out many many letters, all in professional 3 fold, tear away papery thingies to recover the millions of fines that errant book borrowers like yourself owe the gahmen. Unfortunately, I wasn't sent any. I just borrow your book and never give it back.

So, ultimately my dad, god rest the soul of his defunt library card got sent a fine for 30 cents for 2 books he apparently didn't return in 2002. Quite fair I suppose, that the NLB's system is so solid to keep the database accurate like even 5 years down the road. Still, some discrepancies are to be noted:

1. Why would a man who reads The New Paper and only that, borrow 2 cookery books?

2. Why wait 5 years?

3. Didn't the cost of the fuckin 3 fold paper thingie with irritating perforated sections PLUS postage become more than 30 cents anyway?

4. How dumb is it that the NLB says, any fines over $60 they are writing off but they are chasing blokes for their meagre 30 cents. [30 cents being the amount of spare change the average taxi user drops in the backseat due to the ample space in their jeans pockets.]

5. Wouldn't chasing the big money criminals be more worthwhile?


But wait, there IS an Indian angle to this too. As I tottered into home, the night of the great Street Soccer Gold medal win [story to be told later], before even my non-regulation DKNY socks came off, there was a distant voice of oppression echoing around the living room.

If there's one thing I enjoy most about observing our middle aged parents receive an official looking letter, it is the absolute superficiality they view it with. Case in point, my dad who threw away as soon as he glimpsed a Starhub letter with some footy stuff on it. His assumption? Fuckers gonna make us pay more money for channels we don't need. The reality? Fuckers were giving us 2 new free channels for the money we were already paying. Goal TV 1 & 2.

So, with this NLB inject came new assumptions.

Assumption 1: Who is the one who took your dad's card and went to Marine Parade library to borrow books?

Follow up: Must be you shanker, borrowed some cookery book for a girl la must be. 2002 you were in secondary school right? [I was in the fuckin ARMY already! I only had time to book out, drink till smashed and book in!]. So, must be you then [finger pointed in direction of younger sibling], your school was near marine parade so you went there! [urmz, what the fuck would i borrow cookery books for?!]. Ok then, think it must be me. Maybe I forgot. But I've no idea why I would have used your dad's card. [All nod heads in unison.]

Reality: This assumption that the books were borrowed from Marine Parade library were due only because of the return address stamped on the mailer. Obviously the main HQ address, here being Marine Parade was printed on the upper left.

Myth busted!

Assumption 2: See, la this Varaprasad, take over the library only start chasing people for money.

Follow up: This is what all those new people who come into the job do la. Chase people for money try to make a name for themselves. Assholes.

Reality: Dr N Varaprasad took over the appointment as CEO of NLB on 15th Sept 2004. It has already been 3 years and more. The NLB wrote off $3.5 million worth of unrecoverable fines last fiscal year. This assumption came about because the man who signs off on this "Pay up your fine motherfucker" letter is the CEO himself. Perhaps to put across that the order comes from the very top. Alas, like as in all organizations, the one who takes the brunt of the displeasure that arises from new developments is the man who signs on the dotted line.

Myth busted!

Addendum: Did you know that the bar codes on your IC or library card or whatever other card that can read your IC number are not dependent on the magnetic strips they are printed on. What I'm trying to say is, information on your IC number is not stored within the magnetic strips. Bar codes use a complex way of different widths of lines to denote each number that the scanner reads. It has nothing to do with the magnetism of them all. Implication? Anyone with a photostated IC can also borrow a book. [Practice is quite prevalent in some organizations where lunch rations have to be accounted for by scanning your IC in a machine]. So, the next time you photostat your IC conveniently for the M1/Singtel/Starhub bloke or when you send in a credit card application, you're just setting yourself up for another barrage of fine payments in the year 2012.

Well, at least the mailer will take 5 years to come. Good on you if the amount is over $60, at least it'll get written off.

Adieu!

The Burmese Brawl

Why not help out a good cause, like as if Aung San Suu Kyi really ever mattered to me. Smash up all those ancient works of art I say.


Hi Friends,

We've been watching this on the news, and have all been equally horrified at the senseless violence perpetuated against a peaceful people.

Last tuesday, Buddhist monks and nuns, revered in Burma, began marching and chanting prayers. The protests spread as hundreds of thousands of ordinary people and public figures joined in, finding the hope they’d lost. Now they’re facing crackdown – so please, show your solidarity to this movement towards reconciliation and democracy and sign the emergency petition supporting the Burmese people -- it'll be delivered to United Nations Security Council members and international media all week:

Burma is ruled by one of the most brutal military dictatorships in the world. For decades the Burmese regime has fought off pressure--imprisoning elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi and democracy activists, wiping out thousands of villages, imposing forced labour, creating refugees-

In the past, Burma's military rulers have massacred the demonstrators. The world must stand with the Burmese people at this time, to show the military rulers that the world will not tolerate repression and violence.

Right now, global leaders are gathering in New York for the annual United Nations summit. In speeches, press interviews but also in real actions, we need them to show Burma's military junta that the global community is willing to act in solidarity with the protesters.

Show your solidarity to this movement for peace and democracy and sign the emergency petition supporting the Burmese people. It'll be delivered to UN Security Council members and the UN press corps all week:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/stand_with_burma/tf.php?cl_tf_sign=1

Thank you for your help guys. We might not be able to do much, but that doesn't mean that we have to do NOTHING!

Sign the Petition. Please

Divya

Chinglified

As an air traffic controller, the least you expect one of us to be proficient in is the command of the English language. We use big big words on a daily basis like "expedite", "accomodate", "facillitate" and other high level upper primary vocab so that dumb fuck pilots one and all are able to take instructions and follow them to the T.

Secondary in priority is our knowledge of basic geometry. Turn right 360, turn left 030, knowing if you can turn a guy's head towards another's tail elegantly. Basically, making sure, you never ever bring two guys together but "Keep 'em seperated" [hola! Offspring].

Now and then you come across the much praised and exalted JC population, some hailing from smart fuck institutions like HCJC, NJC, SAJC and other monuments who sadly think English is just a substitute language for the times when you can't speak Mandarin. It's like how we switch to Tamil when we don't want someone else to eavesdrop. It's quite an obvious switch, yet we do it anyway, claiming it as our minority right. Well, to most of the blokes I work with, English is their minority right. They only use it to cleave away the roots of uncertainty.

Trust me you. It is much much easier screaming "Whole lot KNOCK IT DOWN!", then attempting to do the same in Mandarin which may/may not elicit sniggers instead. Found a tale that describes the pain of the non-Chinglified. [not me.]


Ah Kow was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is how:

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me.. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7 -eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.


10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Adieu!

Overheard at Work

Scene 1

So, we was having some discussion on pretty high level matters albeit in low level surroundings over smokes and beers.

Big Fuck: So, what do you think can be done about "this this this" and "that that that"
Me: Frankly, Sir, I am not going to answer this question because it is not within my pay grade to do so.

Scene 2

There's a lot of talk these days on how the workforce manpower management and culture is going to morph with 3G this and 3G that [woe begone the days where 3G was only meant for mobile phones].

Big Fuck: So, how are all of you getting along with this new 3G system?

Smart Alec: Sir, doesn't what 3G really mean is that now 1 man does 3 men's jobs?

Big Fuck: [now, this blew us away cos we thought he was gonna get defensive] Yeah, I suppose you could say that in a way. Apparently SOME people feel that the more technologically advanced we get, less people need be there to run the show. Still, I have but one piece of advise for those of you caught in a piled up work fix now.

Smart Alec: And what is that?

Big Fuck: Hear this and hear it good. My own boss told me this before. "What you can do tomorrow.... Don't do today". There you go. This should solve the problem.

Scene 3

After sussing out a lot of suggestions from the ground on how to improve Workplace Safety, a decision was made to put a red warning box outside all doors at work that open outwards. Brilliant idea and it did have its desired effect.

Via e-mail:

Biggest Fuck of the Joint: So, tell me, why did you choose red as the colour of the box instead of anyother colour? Nothing important just generally curious.

Guy who enforced the idea: Well, Sir, initially I thought of yellow so that it gives a better contrast against the grey concrete.

Biggest Fuck of the Joint: Yeah, I thought so too. So why didn't you?

Guy who enforced the idea: Sir, there are really no lack of idiots in this joint. I am willing to stake my half month bonus on the fact that some idiot sooner or later will be using the warning yellow box as a smoking point.

Biggest Fuck of the Joint: You mean there are idiots here?


Adieu!

2nd Paradox

A competition in the Washington Post on paradoxical second lines to follow a romantic first line.


My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your sister.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
Whose dick did you suck to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

Aft Note

On an aft note, regular posts will resume. What other hilarious happenings are there then what occurs day to day in the life of a soldier.

B.D.A.Y

So, the birthday came and went. Thanks for the wishes and the very "useful" presents. I'm sure edible panties will be a good munchkin after I saddle up on a good book after a long day.

Big up to the boys in camp. I liked Anand's cake better though [mostly cos I was the one who personalized it], still fruits is better than no fruits. Good thought on my part to play footy with my keys in my pocket lest my bed frame, mattress and cupboard go missing whilst I was kicking it.

And thanks lovelies for the pre, ongoing and post-dinner entertainment. Release release release.

I'm beat.

Adieu!

Open Legs

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 5 more children. She finally died after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?

The friend replied, "I think he means her legs"

Stupefied Students

Clearing out junk mail from months back, why should only I suffer the torture of viewing "has beens".

For your viewing pleasure:

Early Retirement

ASK anyone who has ever bought a lottery ticket what he would do if he won,and the reply will invariably be: "Quit my job." This leads me to believe that many of us seek fortune not because we want a second home or a third car, but rather, because we seek an end to the chore of our daily work routine.

So, for those who are seeking to retire comfortably, early, here are 10 tips:

1 Don't buy a car

Why, oh why, would you buy a car in Singapore? A vehicle, unlike property, never appreciates in value, petrol prices are astronomical, and parking is often a waste of time and money. Besides, Singapore has a world-class public transport system.

2 Rent to live, Buy to invest

With property prices hitting the roof and interest rates soaring steadily, buying a home now has never been riskier. Rent the house you intend to live in and only buy property when the economy is mired in recession. Surround yourself with liquidity when the going is good, because cash truly is king when going gets tough.

3 Don't drink or smoke

There's a perfectly good reason for all those heavy duties on alcohol and tobacco ?they're bad for you. Liver cirrhosis and lung cancer are not pleasurable ?and it's not cheap to treat them. Quit now.

4 Don't gamble

It may not seem like much every time you place a wager. But consider this: Instead of blowing $500 a month on gambling, saving that amount in your CPF Special Account at 4 per cent per annum would yield a total of $350,000 at the end of 30 years.

5 Credit cards

With interest rates of 24 per cent per annum, credit cards spell disaster when they fall into the wrong hands. If you use a credit card because of the perks and privileges, make sure you can afford to pay off the debt in full. If you find yourself only paying the "minimum sum", you're in trouble ?so switch to using a debit card or Nets.

6 Own a business

If you have the right idea, relevant expertise and helpful partners, no other investment can match the kind of returns that owning a business can give you. If you don't have the inspiration to be an entrepreneur, then buy a piece of an existing company from the stock market.

7 Avoid unit trusts

Unit trusts have always marketed themselves as these glorious bastions of out-performance, run by dedicated professionals. But a Wall Street Journal study showed that, on average, professional fund managers are not any better at stock picking than chimpanzees throwing darts at a newspaper.

After taking sales charges, management fees and so on into account, you are almost always better off buying a benchmark index-tracking Exchange-Traded Funds, or ETFs.

8 Don't buy insurance unless you really need it

Insurance is an undoubtedly useful instrument. But think carefully again when your insurance agent starts saying that you should start early to "lock in low premiums" (because they will only get higher as you age).

The facts: At 5 per cent per annum compounded annually, a 30-year policy will cost you twice as much as a 20-year one, all else being equal. This means that buying an insurance policy 10 years earlier than necessary will cost you dearly, even if you do pay marginally lower premiums annually.

9 Have three or more? You can't afford it!

I adore children but, let's face it, kids really are financial black holes. Consolidate all your expenses, from hospital bills to tertiary education, and you realise that the baby bonus does little to alleviate the epic costs of raising a child. And parents regularly pass up promotions and raises for the sake of their young ones.

10 Live simply

Perhaps the most crucial point. Michael Jackson was worth over US$1 billion ($1.5 billion) at his zenith, but the spendthrift frittered his fortune because of his decadent lifestyle. Remember that income is only half of the wealth equation. A lack of fiscal discipline can still spell financial ruin.

Migration is also an option, but plan carefully, because amenities like healthcare are appallingly inefficient and/or expensive in other countries.

Money may be a terrible master, but the mastery of money makes many things possible. Even early retirement.

The writer is Charles Tan, currently studying MSc Finance and Economics at the London
School of Economics and Political Science

Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "You know Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late and we're all going to die."

Moral: Any job can be done with the right method of execution. I fink.

Contribution: ArchVik

Bee Bee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BEE BEE
!!!!

7 Nations

See la bee. Can't get it out of my head now. Thump, thump, thump.

I'm gonna fight 'em all
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
They're gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back

And I'm talking to myself at night
Because I can't forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette
And the message coming from my eyes
Says leave it alone

Don't want to hear about it
Every single one's got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell

And if I catch it coming back my way
I'm gonna serve it to you
And that aint what you want to hear
But thats what I'll do
And the feeling coming from my bones
Says find a home

I'm going to Wichita
Far from this opera for evermore
I'm gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore
And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding
Right before the lord
All the words are gonna bleed from me
And I will sing no more
And the stains coming from my blood
Tell me go back home

10 Simple Rules

Amen. I think this should be printed and kept for when our daughters are born.

Top Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Adieu!

Gahmen Gems

Don't you love it when the loving ones you pay $100,000 a month to come up with gems?

“Retrenchment is good for singapore. If there is no retrenchments, then I worry.” - SM Goh

“I don’t think that there should be a cap on the number of directorship that a person can hold.” - PAP MP John Chen who holds 8 directorships.

“It’s not for the money because some of the companies pay me as little as $10,000 a year.” - PAP MP Wang Kai Yuen who holds 11 directorships.

“If you want to dance on a bar top, some of us will fall off the bar Top. Some people will die as a result of liberalising bar top dancing… a young girl with a short skirt dancing on it may attract some insults from some other men, the boyfriend will start fighting and some people will die.” - Vivian Balakrishnan, Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports

“I would want to form an alternative policies group in Parliament, comprising 20 PAP MPs. These 20 PAP MPs will be free to vote in accordance with what they think of a particular policy. In other words, the whip for them will be lifted. This is not playing politics, this is something which I think is worthwhile doing.” - SM Goh

“If you sing Jailhouse Rock with your electric guitar when others are playing Beethoven, you are out of order. The whip must be used on you.” - SM Goh again, on a dramatic u-turn, rethink or backtrack, whatever you call it.

“Save on one hairdo and use the money for breast screening.” - another gem from Lim Hng Kiang

“We started off with (the name) and after looking at everything, the name that really tugged at the heartstrings was in front of us. The name itself is not new, but what has been used informally so far has endeared itself to all parties.” - Mah Bow Tan on the $400,000 exercise to rename Marina Bay as Marina Bay.

“Having enjoyed football as a national sport for decades, we in Singapore have set ourselves the target of reaching the final rounds of World Cup in 2010.” - Ho Peng Kee

“Only 5% are unemployed. We still have 95% who are employed.” - Yeo Cheow Tong

“Singaporean workers have become more expensive than those in the USA and Australia.” - Tony Tan

“People support CPF cuts because there are no protest outside parliament.” - PM Lee

“No, it was not a U-turn, and neither was it a reversal of government policy. But you can call it a rethink.” - Yeo Cheow Tong

“…I regret making the decision because, in the end, the baby continued to be in intensive care, and KKH now runs up a total bill of more than $300,000…” - Lim Hng Kiang, regretting the decision to save a baby’s life because KKH ran up a $300,000 bill

“Without the elected president and if there is a freak result, within two or three years, the army would have to come in and stop it.” - MM Lee Kuan Yew

“Please do not assume that you can change governments. Young people don’t understand this” - Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, post-2006 General Elections

Source: Singabloodypore

Multi Racial Ma

"We owe our security, we owe our stability, we owe our economic success to our multiracial society and to the fact that our different races are able to live together and build our society together. This is actually our core value."

Link

And so mused the National Development minister. Apart from the scorn and accusations of ineffectiveness a lot of people throw at him, perhaps he has done one better this time round. This whole issue of "multi racialism" is so overrated.

Mee pok dry is good; multi racial food servers, chefs and coffeeshop workers. Coffee is up ten cents when a 2% increase over previous GST would be 2% of 60 cents: 1.2 cents. Got to be multi racialism and diversity and what not "gotong royong" mish mash we're subjected to. Your MRT runs on time; multiracial drivers and station staff made it happen. Your SBS buses stink to the core; multi racial cleaners, drivers and passengers help to induce the pain. If multi racialism is such a standard attribute of the success of this nation, what about the failures? Don't all us blokes multi racially contribute to fuckin things up in the little ways we can and are subject to each and every day?

Putting it in perspective, these are the dudes who are responsible for each of what he said.

Security: Cops, SAF and the unnamed James Bond types who we still do not know where they operate from.

Stability: SAF and its score of kick ass weapons and operators, good governance and policy.

Economic Success: Good govermental policies and investment arms.

What all this 3 have to do with the fact that we're a kaleidoscope of Indians, Malays, Chinese and Others? No idea except to perpetuate the old adage. Still, the one who coined the term has to be the most brilliant of them all. Reminds me of how the oldies rant and rave about the merits of their caste. "He's so rich ah? Cos he's Chettiar la that's why", "Oh, that boy was quite brave, I think he's Thevar". Balls to you understand?

Adieu!

I've learnt

Quite a stunner of a chain e-mail I received recently. For all manners and purposes, we can safely assume, I'm back. Grin.

I’ve learned.....maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how birthdays you have celebrated.

I’ve learned.....its took me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned.....you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved; the rest is up to them.

I’ve learned.....no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned.....it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned.....either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned.....its not what you have in your life but who you have in life that counts.

I’ve learned.....you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believe it.

I’v'e learned.....you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned.....you can do something in an instant that which will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned.....you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned.....we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned.....real heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned.....sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned.....sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned.....no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned.....it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned.... .no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned.....our background and circumstances may have influence on who we are, but we are responsible for what we become.

I’ve learned.....just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned.....we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned.....even when I have pain, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned.....credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned.....the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. Cherish and appreciate them now.

I’ve learned.....its hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up to what you believe.

I’ve learned.....life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned.....making a “living” is not the same thing as making a ”life.”

I’ve learned.....we are born with two eyes in front because we must not always look behind but see what lies ahead beyond ourselves. We are born with two ears, one left and one right, so that we can hear both sides, collect both the compliments and criticisms. We are born with a brain concealed in a skull, then no matter how poor we seem to be, we are still rich and no one can steal what our brain contains. We are born with two eyes, two ears but one mouth for the mouth is a sharp weapon. It can hurt, flirt and kill: remember our motto --- talk less, listen and see more. We are born with only one heart, deep in our ribs and it reminds us to appreciate and give love from deep within. Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance, but in the heart.

Barbie Kitty

Speed surfing through the day's headlines and of course CNA produced another entertainment gem. The story was "Barbie gets Hello Kitty makeover".

I was very puzzled. Isn't the idea of a makeover meant to make something immensely prettier than it originally was? Alluding to the whole, "you have the potential la.... you just don't know what to do with yourself" theory. Now, why the fuck would timeless icon Barbie want a Hello Kitty makeover? That's like saying Tyra Banks needs an Ugly Betty makeover.

I propose Hello Kitty get a Barbie makeover and quick too.

Note: The writer does NOT own a Hello Kitty nail clipper and does NOT line his study table with a "cheonged" Hello Kitty tablecloth that is more resemblant of Kaijyu Paradise [if you can even remember what that is]

Adieu!

Water Gods

It was a common thing to hear mums warn kids not to go swimming during the Chinese 7th Month, the Hungry Ghosts month. The theory was that since the ghosts were out to roam, those that died by drowning will return to the original site of death [swimming pool, seashore, reservoir, etc.]. Thus, they'd drag little kids [since ghosts aint that strong to drag down Hulk Hogan unless it's a team effort] back with them to their watery graves.

Logical. As of today, "Little Girl drowns in Sentosa" numbers 12 since January. Someone must be really angering the water gods around here majorly. No, maybe not Calypso a la POTC but probably mighty Trident since his weapon is cooler and he doesn't have dark stained teeth and talk in a Caribbean drawl. I can list the major suspects for you:

1. NEWater. One should never attempt to make drinking water out of waste water. It's not right. And to arrogantly bottle it and market it for the world to steal a snigger is unforgivable.

2. Merlion. The symbol of national pride [patriotism is also something mythical to some of our national servicemen] should never have been moved to it's new site next to the Esplanade. A lion [with a cold fish appendage] has feelings too. It's not right holding free open-air concerts right beside it and expect it not to want to crane it's neck to have a look.

3. Wrath of Mother Nature. It's time to flood out the world. There is no more Moses to part the Red Sea. The Netherlands will soon be awash in water [FYI, lowest point in Rotterdam is 7 metres below sea level, protected only by ingenious dykes, easily disposed off by unpredictable flash floods though]

4. Influx of foreign water devils. With the rise in foreign talent, it is only right that English water devils like the Gindylow [who do the same dragging and drowning] ought to have taken advantage of "globalization" to populate a more temperate region. It's their version of a Caribbean holiday. As Chow Yuen Fatt put it: "Welcome to Singapore"

For further water spirit GK, read HERE.
Adieu!

Gang Exits

So, I was reading in The New Paper, a sorry excuse for a tabloid [If tabloid is defined by size 72 fonts and garish headlines that actually have nothing to do with summarizing the story] about how Malay gang members take great pains to exit their affiliations and erase their past.

Something piqued my interest. Exit techniques to be precise. Now, I've heard and seen huge sums of money being coughed up [If you are in the 369 gang, you might have to pay $369 or with a coupla zeroes after that to gain freedom] and a standard one to one mano a mano mortal kombat with the strongest dude in the group. But, something new was revealed in this article.

These days due to the inherent penetration of video games and creative storylines in almost everything we take up, street hoodlums too have jumped on the bandwagon to come up with brilliant exit strategies.

Solution revealed in this article involved the "member" starting at the 12th floor staircase landing of a HDB block and descending all the way to the 1st whilst fending off attacks from one guy stationed at every subsequent lift landing. This is the ultimate battle royale. A senseless test of fitness and strength [both mental and physical] and stamina. So, one man goes against 12 in quick succession depending on whether he is gridlocked anywhere along the way. You'd think that after the first few guys he'd devise Jackie Chan-like attributes and attempt to jump over the man instead of brawling with him. Or prepare himself adequately with cross trainer Nikes, a tracksuit and a rusty cycle chain.

Staircase Sudoku I'd name it, if they ever called a huge ass meeting to "brand" and "market" this creative practice. It's all about the marketing as the iPod has proven to the world. By the way, the Nintendo Wii is the new age game machine and you'd be a doofus to even think the PS3 is worth more than its weight in aluminium.

Following up on this "how do I exit a gang [one that doesn't even financially enrich me]" conundrum comes the new avalanche of violence based videos on YouTube. Here, amateur criminals take videos of their bashings and post them coupled with their gang numbers or names as the title header. Meet Singapore's Dumbest Criminals. Why hasn't someone even come up with that programme yet since our nation is probably more wired up with CCTV [some unplugged and fake] than it ever has been before. Right, so people used to beat the fuck outa people and then run, and sometimes never get caught. Now, they show their handsome face to the camera in gloat and glee [Attn: Investigation Officer - CID] and also state their affiliations [Attn: Secret Society Branch - CID]. Brilliant.

I bow down to supreme intelligence. Makes me wish I was smarter.

gang, gangster, singapore, youtube
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

The Tuition Game

It is a very interesting industry. The private tuition game. It would have been termed a job or profession if it truly was so, but in all aspects it's a game. A people management game, a discipline game, an effectiveness game and the game of illusions.

Tutors generally come in all shapes and sizes and are usually aware that no other profession coughs up upwards of 20 an hour rates except for entry level professional entities. Rates commanded are based sometimes on seniority, qualifications and pure guesswork.

Typically in descending order:

1. Ex-Teachers, Retirees [of the seasoned, wrinkled variety]

Some are good and then some are real good. This group is aware that a financial supplement to their civil service salary is quite welcome indeed. However, their classroom ideas of discipline and attention span will inevitably translate to the tuition arena. More often than not, they provide extensive knowledge through years of experience and spotting questions; but their students beg their parents to stop the tuition due to the repeat of mainstream nightmares.

2. NIE Trained Teachers [like as if NIE training really matters]

The NIE certification is very very overestimated. Not everyone who graduates from a course there can teach. This is in accordance with friends and friends of friends we've all known who couldn't attract the attention of crows while being a scarecrow even. Still, the tagging of the "NIE" brand is solely for enticing the paymasters, the parents.

3. Undergraduates [Of any field and discipline]

The myriad of undergrads teaching everything from subjects they know to subjects they don't are the main fuel of the industry. Undergrads typically are hungry for money and are exceedingly mobile. It is not uncommon to see an Arts student churning up numbers in A Maths lessons or a Science student professing astute knowledge in History. Whatever you can pitch to land a job.

4. Others [A very wide and encompassing group, usually those that end up spoiling the market]

This group mainly is employed by people who are of the thinking that as long you have cleared that level, you are able to supervise for that level. A very layman's way of terming this would be "If you are Pri 6, you can teach a Pri 5 student". This is where the Poly dudes, ITE dudes and private school students factor in. Why I say they are the market spoilers? Because the most amount of undercutting occurs within this group. Whereas a seasoned teacher will fart at the thought of less than 40/hour and an undergrad at less than 25/hour, this group have been known to offer their services for as little as 10/hour. Very inappropriate if you ask me.

We've assessed the manpower situation that feeds the demand. Now for the creation of demand. Why do people take tuition? A few reasons spring to mind. None of those will be initiated by the actual student. See, parents these days have some vague notion that the longer their kid spends on academics the more his/her grades are gonna grow. Possibly they are also aware that most kids hate school and most teachers are handling 30 odd students at the same time. Not good enough a ratio for personal coaching. So, the reasons would be:

1. My kid is failing the subject
2. My kid needs to improve his grade in the subject [sometimes wishing for an F9 to an A1]
3. My kid seems too free.

Thus, they go thru the motions and go about their various means and resources to procure a tutor. These are:

1. Ask a friend who has employed a tutor before
2. Call up a random agency, possibly the one which has the best advert in the Classifieds
3. Hook up the kid in an already existing group tuition where his friend is enrolled in

There needs to exist a certified code of conduct and market rates for this industry to succeed, something which is highly unlikely in the near future because this is one of the most cut throat areas ever to work at. Not to mention the high turnover rate. Tutors quit and get sacked at whims and fancies. Also, parents are mostly of the false belief that it is a buyer's market. So, instead of being well-informed consumers and sussing out products and evaluations in order to provide for one of the most sacred of all services; education; these parents work on utter randomness. [Brownian motion of smoke particles comes to mind]

Hence, parents go thru a minimum of 3-4 tutors before hitting jackpot. By jackpot, don't be mistaken that it means its a tutor who manages to help the ailing academics of their unfortunate child. Jackpot means a tutor they can stand. See, this industry is fucked up in the way that the person receiving the service is the true victim in all sense. Victimized by his parents because he doesn't have much say in the selection of tutors and victimized by inept tutors who play the double game very well. These tutors take great pains to please their paymasters, the parents. They smile, go "hello auntie, hello uncle, have you eaten", take their seat, spout out 2 hours of nonsense [inclusive 1.5 hours of the kid just doing his exercises] and then leave. None the wiser.

The parents are overjoyed when they come across punctual, polite, well mannered and "not in a rush for dough" tutors. They treasure these employees and treat them like part of the family amidst the fact their kid's grades have jumped barely 1/2 a percentage point from 30 to 30.5 still earning him his F9.

Where has the focus gone to? Should the tutors be servicing the student or their parents? Granted, you always keep your salary givers in the best possible relations ever but is that what tutoring is about? I for one believe in results. Result oriented education. My self-coined term and I might make millions out of it. For what do you fork out 5 times what a Macdonald's employee earns to a twiddly thumbed tutor if not for results?

I have a tuition kid and he recently cleared his mid-years. Amazingly, he managed to fail everyone of his subjects except the 2 I am tutoring him in. Funny thing is, he is also getting tutored for all the others save one. So, just by general comparison, who is delivering the results? And then I've also had kids who have a distinct jump in grades after jus the first month under me, but yet the assignment was doomed from the start.

See, in line with the entire "buyer's market" misconception, parents [particularly Yindians] still want to grate their value for money out of you. You cease to be just the tutor in their eyes and evolve into being a full time employee under their directorship. By this I mean, punctuality to the dot [give or take 5 seconds], general appearance, "they can cancel but you don't" theory and the like. Cowboys who are "flexible" in timings and days are non-tolerable but "hello auntie" kids who do zilch for their offspring have their virtues extolled to the high skies.

Where is the orientation to results? I say we need to purge this thinking. Most of youse are probably still employees but might one day get to managerial and employer positions. Don't be a fucking doofus and insist on running military precision disicpline when the work really gets done on time and is done well. Defeats the purpose of good work doesn't it? Case in point, Google. Google's offices do not even look like offices. Holiday chalets or each individual's living room is a better description.

Back to the tuition perspective, it's perhaps wishful thinking that the dynamics change to what the student wants. What days he wants, what times he wants, is he comfortable with you and do his grades pick up. By all means, the next time you come across horror parents who believe you are on their payroll and so go all "Give me 20 push ups soldier" on you, do invite them to sit in on your lesson so they can gain the benefits for what they pay for.

Who are we teaching anyway?

Now, the dynamics is clear isn't it? Which is common in this upside down world we live in. Reminds me of 2 different departments I've worked at. In one, my boss sets me work, and doesn't care where I'm at, what I'm doing as long as some basic requirements are met:

1. I come in to work in the morning.
2. My work is shit-hot. [as opposed to dog-shit, both airforce lingo]
3. My work is on time [most of the time, I deliver a 2 week deadline in 2 working days]

The other department I've worked at was like this:

1. Boss sets me work, gives me 2 weeks. I'm done in 2 days, he's on MC/leave etc.
2. I am bored and have no work to do [not a fault of mine]
3. I become the permanent smoking point fixture.
4. Productivity hours are not counted but "sitting at the table" hours are counted.

This the horror department where no one really cares if work is done [their department standard is replying you only after the 3rd reminder e-mail], but they DO care if they don't see you at your desk from 8 am to 530 pm.

But on the other side, there are parents I'd like to flag up as ideal paymasters. Like this one:

Me: Auntie, I kinda need my money in advance cos I'm running damn tight and I need to pay rent.
She: Eh, why you ask until like that? It's your money you know, you have all the right to demand it. I know how it's like to pull off part time jobs. [Lady in question is a top notch financial agent with a local bank]

Same lady, different day:

Me [to the kid]: Eh, your parents not in today? Damn, thought can get my money.
Kid: Wait I tell them.
Later,
She: Sorry, sorry we weren't around. Can I transfer to you early tomorrow morning cos I can't do it now.
Me: Phew. Sure, thanks.

Background of course is that when you start living day to day. You really hope the money that should line your pockets does line it. And when it doesn't, then God help you for the following 1 week that you thought this money would take care of. So, it is advisable not to count your chickens before they hatch. Anything can happen. You can take ill, they can cancel, the world can come to an end. Bottomline is you are 50 bucks poorer at the end of the month.

This is only my personal perspective on the private home tuition market. I've yet to begin my observations on the tuition centre market. Many students [at bargain prices], 1 tutor [at bargain pay] and 1 organization [bargaining everything].

Adieu!