Ah Kow's Pigs

I have a friend. Her name's Div. And she's a damn good read. An example in reference to rising minister's salaries:

THE STORY OF Ah Kow, the Singaporean FARMER


Ah-Kow was overseeing his herd of animals in the last family farm in Singapore when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the peasant, "If I tell you exactly how many sows and piglets you have in your herd, Will you give me a piglet?"

Ah-Kow looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the peasant and says, "You have exactly 986 pigs and piglets."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my piglets," says Ah-Kow. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Ah-Kow says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my piglet?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a MP for the PAP", says Ah-Kow. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the Ah-Kow, "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid inspite of your million dollar salary for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.

You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about pigs...this is a herd of goats. Now give me back my dog."


And she unearths gems like these. Before this clip, I thought Dick Lee was some sissy who should have been bitch slapped after writing Fried Rice Paradise (nasi goreng very nice..over 40 varieties...come and eat...please please):

And at the same 30th anniversary concert, we have Hossan, Kumar and the portion prior to his Lee Kuan YOU melody.

Nothing

Foolish Games

Blast from the past. A song we all sang to as the random MP3 playlist brought it to the fore. Some feeling more than the others. Rare, this air of somberness about us:

Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar

You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back

Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself

These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart.

Exam Excellence

Sometimes sitting through the night at the newly christened "beach", an open terrace with benches at S3.2 garners much interesting gossip. And time and time again, with the open topic of exams comes the side dish of how to approach it. To be direct, I learnt my fair share of how to cheat, who cheats and what to cheat on and what you can just forget about even scribbling notes about since it won't help.

It is not a very hush hush secret that most undergraduates cheat. Bits of paper, scribblings on erasers and protactor covers and inner linings of pencil cases. No idea it was so prevalent. Perhaps I am naive in the ways of the "Dark Arts". God bless Severus Snape. He martyred Dumbledore though. On a side note, pre-order the next Harry Potter instalment through SingPost.

So, I was asked this question "You mean you've never cheated?!?!? No wonder la, you taking so long to get through school.". Ah, now it all makes sense. All that money wasted on photocopies and prints and staplers and clips and clear files and sticky thingies. Since I think I've enough information to last me a lifetime and yet won't put it to use because of some clearly unwarranted phobia, I think sharing this wealth is apt.

How to Cheat

1. Write formulae on your forearms and wear a long sleeved jacket into the paper. When in doubt, proceed to the toilet, scroll up and mentally photograph.

2. Write on bits of paper and invisibilize it within your calculator or pencil box. Retrieve with care during the paper. Cover with question paper and NOT answer booklet because it gets turned around more. If you fear this method, just be one of the first to get to your seat when the doors swing open and then hurriedly cut and paste from this bit to the back of your question paper. Technically, you haven't committed a crime yet.

3. Write on the portion of an eraser which is covered by it's cover. Use all 4 surfaces for maximum efficiency. Also, purchase an extra large eraser so you don't attempt to set the world record for minute handwriting and ease of sight during your exam.

4. Write on inner lining of your pencil case. Do up random words and lines to make it seem like you're one of those kinda psychos who get off by liquid papering Manchester United or Metallica to show you know how to spell the names of your favoured icons.

5. Write on bits of paper and put it in the pockets of your boxer shorts. Even if you suay-suay kena check and made to empty your pockets. No invigilator typically feels the need to check your boxers or briefs. Make sure paper type in use does not irritate your ass or provide much unneeded friction under your gonads.

And the winner is...

6. True story - Wear a snow cap, since winter fashion has long been the bane of university dressing. Strategically place an MP3 player with only 1 file in it playing on loop. Pre record this file with ALL the goddamn formulas in the world you might need. Plug it into your ears. Pull your snow cap over your ears. You the man.

Precautions

Although everyone is on the bandwagon, do exercise precaution. No one likes a pretentious cheat or a disillusioned one who ends up spoiling the market.

1. When referring to folded bits of paper, usually full A4 sized ones in the cubicle, always flush before reaching for it. Sound of unfolding paper tends to resonate via ceramic tiled walls.

2. Have a nasty shit ready so no invigilator will be snooping around directly outside your door.

3. Time your visit to the toilet. Although you may not be using this person for your technique of information revelation, it may accidentally get you checked. If you are a minority, do NOT rise to go to the washroom just after another minority has returned from it. This has resulted in a full shake down of previously loved cubicle before. Observe the law of non-minority consecutivity.

4. Do not look shifty. If when you look around for the initial scoping of where the invigilators are standing, you catch one of their eyes, look extremely happy like you're on X or look extremely pained as in constipation. Do not scratch your head, look to God for answers or behave nonchalantly. This will inspire them to come to you.

5. Don't write more than you can cheat. The joy of finding out you are capable of being a full fledged uni cheat might compel you to write the entire syllabus down. Don't be daft. Like that might as well just carry in your binded notes with you right? Write only what is necessary. Don't go overboard.


Now, you have been educated. However, if like me, you still maintain stupid phobias and would rather not be shamed in front of 1500 of your peers in the 1 to a million chance of getting nabbed, just do the right thing: Help to catch a cheat. Do that, and you will be a hero and possibly need not write a single appeal letter for the rest of your stay in school.

Other worthwhile ventures are catching those bastards who don't put their pens down when the mike blares "Put your pens down". Start psychotically screaming and going at victim's throat with a sharpened 2B pencil. After connecting with jugular vein and relishing the fountain of haemoglobin that is erupting; collapse with the "What Have I Done" look plastered on your pasty face. This will earn you much brownie points as you are a person who cares about rules and regulations. You might even earn a call up into the ranks of the youth wing of the ruling party.

Adieu!

Tent Vs Kublai Khan

So, the girlfriend and me decided to get our meat fix at The Tent in Clarke Quay. Styled as a Mongolian BBQ Restaurant, we thought it would be mighty happening and a culinary experience. Very dissapointed with the event though. I shall explain.

If you are familiar with Seoul Garden-ish, eat what you choose to eat buffets, you will see that it is ultimately the same experience but you don't do the BBQ yourself. Just one round sans soup will set you back 22 bucks and unlimited soup, salad, meat servings will set you back 32 bucks. It also caters for vegetarians by offering a salad and veggie only BBQ option. You can get a glimpse of the menu on offer and a review HERE.

Run almost entirely by North Indians or look a likes and frequented mostly by white and Indian expatriates, there lay the problem with our dining experience.

I quote "Why is it that when these Yindians come to eat outside with their whole family, always something goes wrong? Why can't they eat like normal people, without a hitch, pay their bill and go?"

The motherfuckers who stare

I as a naive boy would of course just think it that people stare because they are smitten by good looks [the girlfriend's]. However, I think it just runs deep deep into Yindian DNA to stare at anyone who doesn't resemble their 65 year old mother who looks 80. Or their 40 yr old wife who looks 75. Or their sons or daughters who look like they would have graduated from MIT by age 6, soda bottle glasses and all. Perhaps, their glasses are actually the sub continent's take on the big ass Chanel ones that are flaunted in high wealth atmospheres.

So, these 3 Northies, couldn't tell if they were expats took the seat at the opposite corner to us. We sipping on some champagne, bucket of ice and all. They with icy stares. What is their issue, I don't know. Perhaps they were just curious as to why 2 Yindians in their mid twenties would be eating at a restaurant they felt was applicable only to their credit card limit. Or perhaps, they just wanted to know where she does her hair. Or perhaps they are just irritating pricks?

So, un-disguised [more out of ineptness than to be in your face] stares and shaking heads aside, one of these ladies actually decided to check it out for herself if HER vegetarian selection was indeed cooked in a staunch vegetarian fashion. Getting the manager to walk her through the entire cooking process and convinced that different stoves were used for non-veg and veg food, she sat down with an air of achievement. Now, seriously, if you are soo anal about how your food is cooked, then don't enter any establishment that smells of marinated BBQed meat you loser! Wouldn't you be right at home at Komala Vilas? Oh wait, Tekka isn't really a "dining experience" for you is it?

The People who should just stay home

Now, this be a rant only aimed at these losers who decided to occupy a table and a half next to us. See, if you are a group of 8, or gazillion, just tell the waiter at the door and they will seat you accordingly. Comprende? Don't walk in, choose your own table, split your group in half and then leave so little walking space you are going to intrude into MY personal space.

Did I mention, my champagne on ice was standing IN the walkway between the two tables? Of course, as any decent middle aged housewife would do, they would take care to ONLY use that particular walkway because the other one would entail brushing their over inflated butts onto their own food. It is indeed much more gratifying to them to see if they can go to and fro without smashing my bottle of booze. Fuck heads!

So, the family of 8 contains little children, oldies [the grandpop looked like Gemini Ganesan for his credit] and the "bill is on me" middle aged ones. Kids running around like they found water in a desert, crying cos their food is not at the table when they walk into the place and basically digging their own snot and ingesting it is not something I pay good money to view. Middle aged mum of course goes one better. I strongly feel that the way a kid cries, like the way a dog barks is very indicative of emotion. A cry that signals hunger and a cry that signals "I don't want to be here you mofo" is also quite distinctive.

This little piss ant of a girl starts bawling her stomach out and irritating the general peace. Her mum of course, looks at her and immediately assumes [I don't know why, could be a Yindian thing] that she is crying cos she is hungry. So, her response is, "Wait wait, it is not cooked yet. Just stand here and see how it's cooked!". The mum proceeds to do that since the cooking stove is see through glass panelled. Of course, the barely 3 feet in stature kid can't really by all laws of Newtonian physics manage to peek above the 4 foot wood panelling can she? Stupid dumbfuck!

The tale continues with one of the oldies, loading up her bowl with veggies and meat, as you should, and then instead of handing it to the chef to be BBQed the hell out of, she returns to her table to tuck in to her raw minced chicken. Without the alert waiter, because no one at her table would dare question the matriarch, she would have carried on with it. Stifling laughter, another commotion was brewing. Basically if you take up the all you can eat option, you are given a silver token which you place with the food you oughta cook and it gets returned to the table you are sitting at cos the number is on the token.

But of course, if you are THEM, a token is just a token and you would have no idea why they would want to introduce a silver metallic object into the equation. Confusion occurred with some prick using someone else's token. One that that prick didn't pay for. Waiter comes to clarify and middle aged bozo spends a good fifteen minutes explaining that he was not in the wrong and that he paid for the right amount of people.

Back to my question. Why the fuck can't these fuck heads just go out, eat, pay and go home? Is it really that hard? Must there always be an incident? A confusion? A commotion?

This rant is courtesy of many many years of coincidentally and unfortunately having to dine at the same places as Yindian expats.

Were you expecting a food review? My take is; to really experience a good buffet and see meat cooked in the old Mongol way and with less confusing sauces to add to your meat, proceed to Park Mall, Kublai Khan Mongolian BBQ Buffet. Beats The Tent hands down in every area. Especially since it is more a Jap tourist hot spot than an Yindian expatriate one.

None Came First

Now, I'll give it to you if you aint a zoology major or a person who insists on being anally retentive over everything you read.

Joke last published was utter crap. Assuming the egg was female [very possible, unless dealing with egg heads] and the chicken was male [you see the fallacy now?], it could have worked.

Alas, assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups. A chicken is female. You could take a lesbian angle to the whole thing though. It might still sound funny.

Adieu!

Which came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.

Adieu!

MessiDona

And this is what the beautiful game is all about:



Lionel Messi - Barca vs Getafe

Koffeeshop Talk

Today as I was lounging under the sweltering sun at 925 Yishun, where the smoking tables apparently were strategically placed, it occurred to me. We need a guide of coffeeshop behaviour. Not MNV-approved non-smoking behaviour, but the real nuances of heartlander living.

Now, the marjority of us grew up through coffeeshops and the likes. In your own area [i.e. where you were born and raised], you would have fit in comfortably in your flip flops and torn tees and there-but-not-there shorts. Yet, when you have to travel out of your comfort zone, some of youse still maintain appearances which right about paints a bullseye on your forehead stating "Outsider".

Follow these simple steps and never be caught out not blending in with the surroundings.

Step 1: The Approach

Never make your first choice of table the indoor seating area. Tables near the food stalls are always unoccupied for reasons that are quite logical. Coffeeshops offer you al fresco dining and you should take advantage of it. It is a major insult to the owner and retailers if you choose to sit on nicely tiled and well ventilated areas instead of out there on rugged pavement and littered cigarette butts. It also cramps their space. No chef likes their space cramped.

Step 2: Sit and Watch

Sit down as you will in your living room. For the men, crossing of one's legs one on top of the other and leaning back on the already strained plastic chair is a good sign. Feel free to stretch out your weary limbs on adjoining chairs. Do not however place your feet on the table unless you have been inhabiting the area for a good 20 years and are on a first name basis with retailers.

Watch the general flow. Each coffeeshop has its own flow and frequency. Pick another newcomer to the venue and watch the flow. Also note if the drinks stall is self service or not to avoid being a blistering idiot who finishes his entire meal without a drop to drink.

Step 3: Drinks Uncle

In non-self service places, the drinks stall has people mobile to your table to ask for your order. Do not shower them with too much politeness. It is an inverse relationship. If you had truly blended in with the surroundings you would have known that the longer you are chummy with the drinks uncle, the less you need to care about common courtesy and politeness. Feel free to order them to your table via a shrill whistle, a shout or a violent beckoning of your hand. You may be appalled that you are treating them like a servant. However, if you do not, they in turn will treat you like one with nonchalance to boot.

Also, remember to make your order short and sharp. A seasoned coffeeshopper knows his order from the moment he leaves his place. Don't be a dumb fuck fool and make the guy wait at the table while you ask each and every occupant of the table what they want to drink. Decide beforehand cos time is precious. Every minute wasted is a Kopi-O down the drain. By current market prices, that's about 80 cents.

It is good to refer to the server as "Ah Chek" [uncle] or "Ah Hia" [brother] depending on how old they look. Female servers are almost always "Xiao Jie" [miss]. Do not make the mistake of referring to them as "Auntie" unless you want added preservatives in your "Home-made" ice lemon tea.

Step 4: Food Orders

It is a honed through the ages and very valuable skill to be able to order in Mandarin or Hokkien. Catch hold of your nearest Chinese friend and learn how to order your "special" order in the language to appear more professional and classy to the stall holders.

Also, many stall holders are still from the era where English was not a mandatory subject. Thus, languages that appeal to their senses are Mandarin, dialects and Malay. These days, China imports are also flooding the hawker scene especially in the areas of chicken and duck rice stalls. Do exercise extreme care even with your Mandarin with these folks. Expect a lot of "Huh?!"s and good practise is to wait for a Chinese bloke behind you to get so frustrated at the wait to step in and help you order.

Phrases you might need translations for, but I am not gonna provide:

No Bones
Roasted
Extra Chilli
Extra Mee
Bulls Eye Egg etc.

After ordering, when asked for your table number, gesture your hand in a dismissive wave. A true seasoned coffee shop user does NOT remember table numbers or even bother to. A mere nod of the head or pointing in the general direction of where you will be seated will suffice.

At some hawker centres, the stalls may be self service. If yours is a cook in 2 minutes dish, then loiter, pick up and go. If yours will take about 5-8 minutes to prepare, then tell the shopkeeper to "sound" you when it's ready while you return to your table for a tete a tete. If you are dining alone then you should not be in the vicinity of a coffeeshop. You remind me of people who watch movies alone.

Step 5: Leaving the Joint

After eating it is considered very good manners to burp loudly and simultaneously rub your full belly. Also do not leave leftovers as this will greatly inconvenience the guys who clean the tables., plus they are mostly past-retiree age. Feed your leftovers to the nearest stray cat. Interestingly, dogs do not inhabit coffeeshops in Singapore as cats do. However, in Malaysia, a good last piece of cheese naan to the resident stray dog will be much appreciated.

When you up and leave, stand up WITHOUT picking up your belongings at the table. Stand up, compose yourself and then reach down to take each and every article that you possess and place it tenderly in your pockets. These may include, wallet, handphone, ATM card, small change, lighter, cigarette box etc. If this coffeeshop is particularly crowded and when you decide to leave, there is a group waiting to be seated at your table, take your own sweet time. Seasoned coffeeshoppers are all about value for money.

An added bonus is to throw whatever tissue paper you used to smudge your face into the nearest soup bowl. Note, only do this to soup bowls. Apart from visual entertainment, it also serves to be an easier mess to clean rather than solid, non drenched tissue paper.


I hope this has served you well. Do enjoy your next coffee shop experience out of town and have a cold Guinness while toasting my brilliance.

Adieu!

Shoot Em Up

So, the USA has another mass shooting? And the killer decides to off himself without the pleasure of going to the cops and having his day in court and signing a tell-it-all book and movie deal?

Damn.

Still, there is no cause to worry because this will never happen in Singapore. Reason being this fascination we have with the adage that "Life is precious". Not the lives of all those we really DO want to shoot, but our own. Where we don't really see ourselves hanging from the noose as the way to go.

Another reason why Life is so "precious" to us is that deep down inside everyone of us really seriously thinks they will make it big one day. And God forbid they do anything to ruin the chances of getting to that day. Least they could do is to stay alive. Even the ones who think mediocrity and middle class is going to govern their entire existence still dream of that Toto Hongbao Draw winning ticket.

Thus, there's no need for mass panic. Just shed those tears [crocodile or not] that you usually do in the wake of a massacre, genocide, earthquake, tsunami, election.

"You had everything you wanted, Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac weren't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything." - Cho

Though, it wouldn't be a surprise if these exact words were uttered mentally in the minds of some students in some autonomous / independent [read: littered with rich kids] schools around here. Still, as earlier proven, they aint gonna act on it. Life is precious.

Adieu!

Quotable Quotes

Use these quotes and stump the next drunk who stumbles into your table, knocking off your jug of bourbon coke before you land the old one-two on his already stunned but bemused face:

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death….twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of Jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

Adieu!

Sylvia Says

There is an unspoken rule when evaluating news headlines in our tiny nation: Never wholly trust the Straits Times.

For proof, just take a look at this: Men In White

*11 Apr 2007, Parliamentary Speech on Ministers' Pay * By Sylvia Lim, NCMP

In the last 2 days, MPs have covered many aspects of this contentious issue of benchmarking Ministerial pay to the private sector at 2/3 M48.

The Member for Hougang has comprehensively stated the Workers' Party position on this matter. The gist of our position is that we should instead consider benchmarking based on the remuneration of political office-holders in countries which tick. They generally favour a more moderate use of taxpayers' money for political salaries, and do not seem to have run their
countries aground.

Today I would like instead to examine a few points raised by Minister Teo Chee Hean in his reply speech yesterday and also to argue why the benchmark of 2/3M48 for political office will ultimately be against the national interest.

*Points raised by Minister Teo on Apr 10.*

Minister Teo attempted to rebut the Member for Hougang's contention that this debate was a waste of taxpayers' money. He said instead that this was a hallmark of PAP's commitment to transparency.

While I do agree that this is an opportunity to have a public airing, the debate arouses a feeling of deja vu, harking back to the other transparent debate about whether to have casinos in Singapore. The revision was presented in Parliament in a form of Ministerial statement under Standing Order 44 where no vote will be taken. *Not one thing said by any MP will change the decision of the government*. I would personally very much like to know what each individual Minister feels about taking more than $2m of taxpayers' money home each year, while fellow citizens struggle with rising costs and taxes.

Secondly, Minister Teo mentioned that it was not right to look at how much political leaders elsewhere earn because our Ministers cannot become Ministers in other countries. But the comparison is logical because we are comparing similar skill sets and responsibilities funded by the public. Looking instead at 2/3M48, how valid is it as a measure of a Minister's worth? Is it possible that, in fact, some of our Ministers are doing better in Cabinet than they would have done in their previous careers? Can we say that each and every Minister in Cabinet now would have become a top-earning banker, accountant, lawyer, engineer or CEO? We have seen instances of civil servants and military personnel embark on 2nd careers in the private sector, and find the business world a whole new ball game; and some, in fact, flounder.

Thirdly, Minister attempted to show that Cabinet salaries were not in the rarefied zone of high fliers by plotting a graph of 1,000 residents and Malaysians. Even so, 1,000 out of the resident workforce of about 1.9 m (as at mid 2006, according to Labour Force Survey) is less than 0.1%. To be in this group of 1,000 is already to be in a very privileged few and as far as the public is concerned, is already in the rarefied zone. Why 2/3M48 is ultimately against the national interest?

Economists have noted that globalisation increases income disparity. As such, the top earners' salaries will in all likelihood move up further in the future. A few years from now, 2/3M48 may require us to endorse each Cabinet minister's pay for $3m or $4m annually. As these pay packets are funded from taxes, including poor people paying GST, how far is the government prepared to go with this? Does it have a threshold of unconscionability?

Next, what makes a good Minister? There may be differences of opinion, but fundamentally, political leadership is a different creature from administration. To add value to policy-making, the Minister must play the role of politician -he should understand the public sentiment and
aspirations, and be able to front policies and explain things plainly to people. He must lead not just with head but with heart. His ground feel of the needs of the people and understanding of their plight distinguishes him from the professional civil servant who usually focuses more on efficiency and expediency in implementation. To be effective, a Minister's EQ may often be more important than for him to be part of a Mensa club. In fact, he would be better if he was wired differently from the top civil servants, to reduce the mistakes perpetuated by groupthink.

Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew previously justified why it was not feasible to have foreign talent in the political leadership. He said that the political leadership should "have passion, the commitment and share the same dreams as the people". (ST 4 Nov 2006). I agree. The question is: how will 2/3M48 affect empathy, the ability of Ministers to share the same dreams as the people?

Ministers are currently drawing $1.2m a year which divided by 12 is about $100,000 per month. How does it compare with the average person?

According to the Report on the Labour Force in Singapore 2006, the median gross monthly income of workers in full-time employment is $2,170. In other words, a worker takes a month to earn what a Minister earns in half a day! For university graduates, the median gross monthly income is $4,450. This would take the Minister one day to earn.

As you move the salaries up to 88% of the benchmark, we will find that the average worker's monthly pay will be earned by a Minister in 2-3 hours. Does the Cabinet not feel a tinge of discomfort drawing taxpayers' money at such rate? At such rates, can Ministers and Singaporeans share the same dreams?

Another reality is that our leaders may face problems in marshalling the people to make sacrifices for the country.

About 4 years ago, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan told the House that his son had asked whether one should be prepared to die for Singapore. This sparked off a heated public debate. The cynics invariably linked this question to Ministerial salaries. To quote a member of the public, and I paraphrase: "Who are we trying to kid? Before we start talking about dying for Singapore, let us look at our leaders. We are told that we cannot get good leaders unless we pay top dollar, so why expect more from the rest of us"?

Citizens should be able to look to leaders for moral leadership and inspiration. If what they perceive are mercenaries at the helm, then asking them to make sacrifices will be met with cynicism and indifference. This will not bode well for Singapore's future. What will happen when crunch time comes? Is this a time bomb planted for the future of Singapore?

*Salaries and Nation Building*

If we are seriously unable to interest good people into public office, we must ask why other countries can do it and we cannot. Is it just money, or the fact that we have not invested in creating a culture of high public-spiritedness?

In some countries, there are young people aspire to hold public office. SM Goh had previously said that we could not expect to behave like people in other countries because we are a young nation and people still see things in material terms. How sad. After 41 years of nationhood, national service and national day parades, what do we teach our children? Do we judge a person's worth by his salary? If so, we have wasted millions of tax dollars on these nation-building efforts, which have truly been in vain!

Public service must remain a noble undertaking for which people are prepared to make sacrifices in exchange for the benevolent power to improve the lives of others. If we corrupt this by money, we can be efficient but never a country of high ideals. As such, I cannot agree with the Members who see political office as yet another career choice. It must be more than a job, and the holder must be able to think of others besides himself.

In the popular American comic strip, the Wizard of Id, there was a public address by the King to his subjects from the royal balcony. The King began: "Remember the Golden Rule!" One of the subjects called back: "What's that?" Back came the royal reply: "Whoever has the gold makes the rules!"

If the gold is the taxpayers' money, then Singapore is not that far from the Kingdom of Id!

And it does not matter what transparency the government has claimed in this attempt to justify the pay hike.



Always view both sides of the tale. Or attend Parliament in the public viewing gallery, if not to listen, just to catch the ones who nod off during a lengthy speech.

Adieu!

Raining Cats and Dogs

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Somehow, the cat just reminded me of dear ole WUMmy.

Adieu!

Cosmo Prof

Overheard from a distinguished and learned professor:

"Yeah, so he's donating his pay rise. What about his bonus?"

Seen in the papers:

Based on the latest revisions, ministers will enjoy a GDP bonus of between three and eight months if the economy grows between 5 and 10 per cent or more. But they will not get any bonus if the economy grows by 2 per cent or less.

For example, the entry-level annual salary of a minister this year is expected to include a 5.9-month bonus based on Singapore's estimated GDP growth of between 4.5 and 6.5 per cent.

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong earned $2.5 million last year; after the revision, he will draw $3.1 million this year.

Disclosing details of their latest performance bonuses, he noted that only two out of the 21 ministers and senior ministers of state received between eight and 10 months' bonus last year.

Another 11 got between 5.5 and seven months' bonus, while eight others got five months' bonus or less. Mr Lee himself got a fixed bonus of five months last year.

By my calculations,

5 month bonus = $1.3 million
5.9 month bonus = $1.52 million
8 month bonus = $2.06 million
10 month bonus = $2.58 million

Donating proceeds of the increase each month to worthy causes for the next 5 years = $0.6 million x 5 years = $3 million

Taking home "bare minimum" bonus of 5 months per year for these 5 years = $6.5 million

You do the math. Of course, this is only for the PM. Let's not even take into account the other 20 minsters and senior minsters of state [some of which hold 2 portfolios].


News Link 1
News Link 2
News Link 3
GDP Growth Table over the years

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2 Degree Kelvin

Maybe you've got the wrong idea about the previous post. Quoting myself: "ONLY in Singapore and ONLY the PAP can muster and successfully conduct this sorta pay hike in the same calendar year of a GST hike".

There wasn't an ounce of sarcasm involved in this statement cos it is truly what I believe. Upon the breaking of the news that civil service salaries were going to be reviewed, I was a sceptic Singaporean too.

All that vanished with a wisp of air and Viceroy smoke clouds upon hearing the MM say his piece in a recorded interview in Australia and his subsequent beating down verbally of Low Thia Kiang in Parliament. Truth is, you don't fuck with the old man unless you are in the right and see things on the same perspective and have the facts and figures to prove it. Even then, be prepared, he is one of the greatest minds ever to be born in this island nation.

In fact, in a battle the WP cannot win [i.e. to put a halt to the salary revisions], they should have taken the first step even before the PM did to donate their increase in MP allowance back to their district's poor and elderly. Now this would have been a "political stunner". Yet, when it comes to the intelligence department, we can only stand back and admire the way the PM has run the game so far.

Read his speeches, there are soo many remnants and nuances that are unique to his father alone.

The point regarding ONLY in Singapore might something like this occur is quite accurate as we as a people do not KNOW how to riot and we'd rather not. This is the power of fear instilled by the Police Force and the judicial system in us and it's only right that the authority that guards social safety and security inspires such feelings in its people. The cops can never be your friends. No matter how hard you push grassroots involvement by the Men In Blue.

People need to fear the law and fear the law we will. The bonus is that belonging to a country of Asian descent with traditional values entrenched in our mindset, police is still a taboo word in our households. Heck, even if we lost our bicycle, we would have been chided for asking our folks if we should make a police report. The cover up to mask their innate dislike to communicate with the cops would instead spur them onto a 2 hour lecture on why we should have been careful in the first place.

PM Lee also brought up a point that clinched it for me. Upon hearing this, I truly and sincerely believed that "Yes, it is only right that these blokes are paid well". And it had nothing to do with corruption in the ranks.

PM said that if Singapore Inc. was a company and listed on the Singapore Stock Exchange. Then, following the average price-to-earnings [P/E] ratio of 20, it's market cap would actually be in the range of 4 trillion.

You find me a Fortune 500 company ruled by it's share price and market fluctuations that has a market cap of 4 trillion. But yet, even when the richest companies in the world even can't hope to smell the fart of a trillion, their CEOs still walk away with Golden Parachutes all the time. Especially those who screw up on the job!

Thus, isn't it only fair? That the safe keepers of our country's finances and reserves deserve to take home a little more. I mean it's already 3 million. Just 'tambah nasi' a bit more only what. Peanuts.

Adieu!

Sub Zero Freeze

The breaking news in question:

Singapore PM to freeze his pay for 5 years, donate pay hikes

Excerpts:

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong says he will hold his own salary at the present level for five years and will donate any increases in his salary during that period.

The Prime Minister said that to make clear why he is doing this, and to give him the moral standing to defend this policy to Singaporeans, he will hold his own salary at its present level for five years.

The Government will pay him his full pay, because that is how the system must work.But for five years, he will donate the increase in his salary from this and subsequent revisions.

Mr Lee said he does not expect other Ministers to follow.

What I have to say:


1. So, PM Lee freezes his pay till April 11th 2012 technically since the article is dated April 11th 2007. Now, if by law, the ruling party has to call for an election every 4-5 years approximately, how confident is the man that he remains PM? I mean of course I too feel that the PAP is not going out of power even 3 elections later, but this "surety" tends to unnerve.

In fact, this same tone is continued in most ministers' speeches and press releases where they set lofty goals for the next 10 to 15 years. Yes, the goals will still be intact. Yet, this "confirmed" tone where they know they'll still be there is very thought provoking.

After April 11th, PM also goes on to say about finding new successors and that ministers like himself can't be serving till they're 70. Still, same point I'm making. How sure is sure?

2. Last noticed in September last year during the GE season, ministers who were rallying for support still referred to themselves as ministers, ministers of state and members of parliament. Correct me if I'm wrong. Before the commencement of elections, the President dissolves Parliament, thus making him the sole guardian of the nation. So, when parliament is dissolved, not just recessed, this would mean all members of the House would revert to being normal citizens, no? Why would they then be still labelled as Ministers and the like?

3. Now that the increase in salary has been pledged to worthy causes, are we entitled to ask "which" worthy causes these might be? I mean if you did it in private, we would be none the wiser. But to announce the donations publicly, some follow through is of course in order.

4. Now that the shepherd for his "moral standing" has announced he doesn't want any increases, though he will receive them, what do the sheep do? Are they gonna fall and trip all over themselves in carbon copy donations? How about those that don't? Will they incur the wrath and jealousy of the public because "others" have been more charitable than them? If I was them, I wouldn't make a move at all and be happy for the extra dough. After all, the main responsibility has already been publicly shouldered by the PM.

5. Starting with the announcements that civil service salaries are going up, I of course thought of my own employer to see if we are mirroring the changes. After all, we are in the service of the public are we not? A big mood dampener was the fact that I'd expect only a 4% rise even lower than The Home Team who were expecting 13% and of course nowhere in comparison to the "average" 25% rise of the top dawgs.

6. In conclusion, it is my humble opinion that ONLY in Singapore and ONLY the PAP can muster and successfully conduct this sorta pay hike in the same calendar year of a GST hike. They are the true masters of politics and I bow down to their wisdom.

Overheard from a little bird:

All university undergraduates take note. Currently, Singaporean undergrads are on the Gahmen Tuition Fee Grant, which means that as opposed to full fees of $11K ++ , we pay only around $5,900 [at least for mine]. Now, students still under a non-GPA system have a limit of 7 years to finish up their degree subject to terms and conditions. For GPA systemites, there is no time limit except to save your CAP score every semester.

The MOE is embarking on a Useful Output initiative, where errant students like myself will not be granted the privilege of this grant once we exceed the useful output time period of 4 years [how long it normally takes to achieve direct honours]. Thus, the moment I exceed 4 years, I'd be paying FULL fees. And for those blokes who are now on Year 5 or 6 now, you're pretty much fucked when this comes to play.

The rest of youse should just aim to take only the NORMAL time and get the hell out before your tuition fee loan, your parents' bank accounts or their CPF burst the dam walls.

Little bird also told me, the only reason this policy is not effective the very day after the Budget was approved was because making this move in the same calendar year as the GST hike might incite much public outcry.

Did I also mention tuition fees are going up? In order to "retain international talent" [read: Lecturers who can't speak English]. Viva la KLKorporatization.

Full Pancakes

The Miss Singapore Universe pageant is afoot and the teasers with contestants spouting obviously rehearsed lines are really getting to us. Yes, yes, we are at the mercy of local TV, only switching it off when we realize whatever is playing at 4 am is the repeat telecast of what we watched at 4 pm [Ellen Show].

In the latest teaser, The Flying Dutchman voices over and lends a whole new meaning to glorifying people with regards to foodstuff. Listen very carefully when you hear these words:

"Beauty...Blah blah...Blah blah....
They have the full PANCAKE"

Package Vs. Pancake

We kid you not and are quite appalled that we're the only ones in Singapore who have managed to catch on to this. So, the next time the ad plays, listen hard and someone please throw FD these digits for his pancakes, since we're practically living off that stuff in recent days: 6777 3777.

miss singapore universe, flying dutchman, commercial
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Clarke Foundation

Every great piece of architecture has its seperate inspiration. Or so the architects claim. I think it's obvious the ones who designed the "new" Clarke Quay experience were pretty cock-sure in what they were inspired by.

Photo from 45 degree angle up from "The Pump Room".

This post would not have been possible without the photo direction and disposition of Nethia.

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INotFat

I'm not sure if you've been here long enough to recall this. Seemed a good time to bring it u again espcially when the Gahmen is sieving through "New Age Media". So too the MDA.

Story was simple. Young JC boy went a tad bit overboard on his by-chance excursion to the domain of Vasantham Central. He proceeded to show off some artistic flair. And then I came along.

Read THIS, the reply HERE and the finale HERE.

In recent days however, this blog here received quite a few hits from a site I've never seen before. Curious curious. Lo and behold, the one we shut down has actually emerged from the ashes and even found out that it was MY doing. Auw.

That it took a whole year, I won't bother to comment on the expanse of the Ingterneck. Still, the RJ boy speaketh HERE, circa Mar 2007.

LVain

Flip through this month's Her World and you might catch LV's latest bag collection.

But where have we seen this before?



Adieu!

louis vuitton
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