I'm offering a 1 week stay at my house to anyone who is willing. In exchange of cos, I get to stay at yours to enjoy the material comforts you possess. But first, let me provide ample warning on who you might meet and what you can do and not. Hopefully, it sways your decision to get on the phone and tell me, "Yes, I'll do it!"
Dad
My father will definitely fuck up your laundry. Not the washing bit, that comes off ok cos its my mum's purview. But if that tee you put in the wash is missing, have no fear, just go digging in my other 2 brother's pile of clothes. Cos, thats exactly where it will be. And of cos, their shirts, or boxers or socks will end up in your pile too. So, if you can handle the constant pressure of treasure hunting. Come on in!
Mum
My mum believes in a very "open door" policy. I.e. If any room in the house has its door closed, the occupants damn better well be sleeping. So, forget bout bringing a chick home from the clubs. Unless you're into voyeurism and being thrown out of the house in the nude. She'll also nag you about mundane things like that single piece of hair on the floor or your unkempt appearance or that pile of books you haven't touched since the first day of school. Much preferred are the "Vidiya vidiya Ramayanam kettuthu, Sitai-ku chitappa Raman-ah?" folks. You will survive best. Just disavow all knowledge of all that is nagged about and point both index fingers of both hands to the other sons in the house.So, if you have a "one ear in one ear out" talent. Come on in!
1st Brother
If you believe strongly in communal living, you'll love this bloke. Your perfume, tees, shirts, shoes, socks, accessories, in fact even the ladies on your MSN are fair game for him. If you need your Mach 3 shaver stolen on a day you badly need to shave cos you have a lunch date, bunk with him. However, you won't be if its a 1-2-1 exchange with me. I is has single room. Somesort (when the doors are closed, which never happens). The best part when your shaver is stolen and you know who the culprit is, is when the culprit returns on the weekend and claims its Army issue. And I am a right KNNBCCB for blaming the sod. Can you handle this, only on weekends though, Come on in!
2nd Brother
When you need your coffee made, your elusive lighter found, your ice water brought to you when you're "very" busy enjoyin that movie on your desktop, call him. Loudly. He has this, I won't respond if you don't call more than thrice syndrome imbibed in him. However, when you're fast asleep like the corpse you are, expect him to run riot on your things. Lke the other one, everything is fair game, especially your desktop PC. See, since his is Bios-password protected, yours is his only outlet to the free world of the global matrix. He will crouch in, he will sneak out, even the 1 minute you take to go take a piss is enough for him to warm your seat for you. Coupled with his incessant stealing of your hair wax and then turning back and asking you why you stole his hair spray, I'd say he's an easy guy to get along with. So, if you want to have some good eye candy who can double up as a slave and a master at times, Come on in!
The House
Now, this is the most crucial element of your stay so take your time to know it well. The house itself is alive. I kid you not. Anything you place on your table, WILL go missing, only to end up at the same place in a coupla hours. Anything you put in the laundry WILL not come back, by the next wash, but instead mysteriously appear in 1 week. Anytime you want to smoke by the kitchen window, the wind direction will change to push the smoke back into the house. Anytime you wanna smoke at the living room window, vice versa. The house is designed and conditioned to totally fuck up all its residents. Expect to knock into furniture even in bright daylight when said furniture is a good 2 metres away. Expect the iron to scald your tees when you were cock sure you had pushed the thermostat to the lowest heat. Expect the cordless to die on you at the pristine moment when the climax of the gossip you were indulging in is abound you.
There you have it. Interested? The invitation is open. Oh yes, bring lots of Ferrero Rochers and Famous Amos when you come. Sucking up is the key to a happy family.
Adieu!
Dad
My father will definitely fuck up your laundry. Not the washing bit, that comes off ok cos its my mum's purview. But if that tee you put in the wash is missing, have no fear, just go digging in my other 2 brother's pile of clothes. Cos, thats exactly where it will be. And of cos, their shirts, or boxers or socks will end up in your pile too. So, if you can handle the constant pressure of treasure hunting. Come on in!
Mum
My mum believes in a very "open door" policy. I.e. If any room in the house has its door closed, the occupants damn better well be sleeping. So, forget bout bringing a chick home from the clubs. Unless you're into voyeurism and being thrown out of the house in the nude. She'll also nag you about mundane things like that single piece of hair on the floor or your unkempt appearance or that pile of books you haven't touched since the first day of school. Much preferred are the "Vidiya vidiya Ramayanam kettuthu, Sitai-ku chitappa Raman-ah?" folks. You will survive best. Just disavow all knowledge of all that is nagged about and point both index fingers of both hands to the other sons in the house.So, if you have a "one ear in one ear out" talent. Come on in!
1st Brother
If you believe strongly in communal living, you'll love this bloke. Your perfume, tees, shirts, shoes, socks, accessories, in fact even the ladies on your MSN are fair game for him. If you need your Mach 3 shaver stolen on a day you badly need to shave cos you have a lunch date, bunk with him. However, you won't be if its a 1-2-1 exchange with me. I is has single room. Somesort (when the doors are closed, which never happens). The best part when your shaver is stolen and you know who the culprit is, is when the culprit returns on the weekend and claims its Army issue. And I am a right KNNBCCB for blaming the sod. Can you handle this, only on weekends though, Come on in!
2nd Brother
When you need your coffee made, your elusive lighter found, your ice water brought to you when you're "very" busy enjoyin that movie on your desktop, call him. Loudly. He has this, I won't respond if you don't call more than thrice syndrome imbibed in him. However, when you're fast asleep like the corpse you are, expect him to run riot on your things. Lke the other one, everything is fair game, especially your desktop PC. See, since his is Bios-password protected, yours is his only outlet to the free world of the global matrix. He will crouch in, he will sneak out, even the 1 minute you take to go take a piss is enough for him to warm your seat for you. Coupled with his incessant stealing of your hair wax and then turning back and asking you why you stole his hair spray, I'd say he's an easy guy to get along with. So, if you want to have some good eye candy who can double up as a slave and a master at times, Come on in!
The House
Now, this is the most crucial element of your stay so take your time to know it well. The house itself is alive. I kid you not. Anything you place on your table, WILL go missing, only to end up at the same place in a coupla hours. Anything you put in the laundry WILL not come back, by the next wash, but instead mysteriously appear in 1 week. Anytime you want to smoke by the kitchen window, the wind direction will change to push the smoke back into the house. Anytime you wanna smoke at the living room window, vice versa. The house is designed and conditioned to totally fuck up all its residents. Expect to knock into furniture even in bright daylight when said furniture is a good 2 metres away. Expect the iron to scald your tees when you were cock sure you had pushed the thermostat to the lowest heat. Expect the cordless to die on you at the pristine moment when the climax of the gossip you were indulging in is abound you.
There you have it. Interested? The invitation is open. Oh yes, bring lots of Ferrero Rochers and Famous Amos when you come. Sucking up is the key to a happy family.
Adieu!
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