Wish my Fly

It's that time of year where people apparently send cards out to whomever they ought to be lighting on fire, i mean celebrating deepavalli with.

When will people realize that this card business is meaningless? It has no roots, no traditions a la someone's Christmas Card list. Now, that is a fuckin list! Because it stands the test of time I figure. Ask yourself, truly. Do you really send Deepavalli greeting cards to the same people each year? Or only to the ones who will scowl the next time you see them at weddings and funerals and the friends who are at the top of your minds that year?

Also, how come the abbreviation for FAMILY is FLY?

A typically worded card that reaches my household:

"Wishing XXXXXX XXXXXX & FLY a Happy Deepavalli!"

My dad is grateful that you thought of him enough to invest in that 22 cent stamp. However, his crotch or button-fly Levi's for that matter need not celebrate this festival as exuberantly as he does.

It's just 3 letters more. It aint grounds for an abbreviation. Even the word "abbreviation" doesn't have an abbreviation you lazy pricks.

Have a good Festival of Lights. Light your smokes. Light your bongs. Set your enemies alight.



Arai Na?

Women are the same the world over.

She: I'm back at the club we used to go every night.
Me: That's nice, have fun.
She: There's this guy, he's following me around all night.
Me: So, what you gonna do?
She: He wants my number.
Me: And?
She: I said I have a boyfriend.
Me: Good for you.
She: But he's the Boss of this place, he still wants my number.
Me: I think I am going out to club now and the first pretty girl I see, I will ask her to follow me home.

[silence for the next 2 hours]

She: I didn't give my number.

[I'm silent for the next 2 days]

She: My heart is broken. But it still beats on. [pardon the poetic hollywood script. non native speakers are like that]

Me: Good. Now how?
She: I miss you.
Me: Good answer.




My humble apologies for not updating. I thought of penning something on the 16th to mark a 1 month anniversary for being too lazy to boot up but as usual I missed that deadline too. I'm currently busy with many many stuff:

1. Watching people try and accomplish in a few weeks what they should have been doing through the last year. [Cue: Audit time]

2. Watching Obama beat up "I got my wig all wrong" McCain. And watching Palin insist Russia is her neighbour and thus she WOULD have been the best woman to avert the Cold War. [Cue: Gorbachev pissing in Alaskan fishing waters and feeding cyanide to some moose]

3. Wondering how anyone could ever not love a country where they put actual lime fruits into the urinals so even your piss smells sweet. [Cue: Long Live The King, The Royal Monarch of Thailand]

4. Wondering what to do with my 3/4 full Absolut. No mixer in sight also. [Cue: Drunken sex]

5. Thinking how brilliant people are to promise me a gift for my birthday and then wait till I get out of town for 2 weeks and hope that I forget. That's fuckin like pledging 300 million when Katrina hit and then the world realizes only 300,000 was ever transferred in cold hard cash from gahmen to gahmen.