Saturday - Part II

So, I'm walking right alone and upstream. Hoping and hoping that a cab will shine me the light, show me the way back home. When I realize I've just about walked all the way back to Funan even. Reeking of cigarettes and alcohol, dejected at the lack of transportation. I did the most spontaneously craziest thing I've ever done. Walked into this building:
What made me do it? No idea. I saw the wrought iron gate, the winding thin road beyond it and I just walked in.

It was 7 am and the first service of the day was in progress. The Holy Communion at St. Andrew's Cathedral, a fine Anglican institution, one of the landmarks of Singapore.

And I sat through the service, joined by this 50+ year old Eurasian dude called Douglas. There are always some people who love to be the "ones who bring you in..show you the way". Anyhow, he didnt irritate me one bit. Showed me the particular verses and hymns they were singing. Didnt prod didnt pry didnt ask why I was reeking of alcohol. In fact no one did.

Imagine if I walked into some temple, smelling the way I did. Motherfuck yaar...the priest would be giving me the cold blooded murder stare and my mum would probably hear about it by the next hour, and some KLKlown would have called the New Paper hotline to get his free handphone.

And they even give you free breakfast. We had fishcakes, pao and some kuih kuih. Was good. No one irritated me. I repeat it, cos its the important thing. Even the big man running the service, he gave me some paper to write my contact number all. I said nah, not yet. I'll just pop in whenever I can. Nothing concrete.

And my breakfast buddies summore, one rich tai tai, fuckin humble though, with her 70+ yr old dad. He kept giving me the once over look. Freaky. One indian housewife who happens to stay in Ave 10 also. Haha, and one nice Chinese lady who kept sayin the "Lord showed me the way in here..la la la...God works in mysterious ways". Yet, she offered me a job in her civil engineering firm when I graduate. Damn! A job for one service. I like this place already. I already loved the free food and the non-pressurizing atmosphere you learn to expect from other big name joints. [Cue: City Harvest and The Rock]

Oh well, so I prayed. Finally. Hope things take a turn for the better. Like suddenly tomorrow my employers tell me, "Hi, we regret to announce that we don't want you anymore. Please collect your pink ic and fuck off". Jump for joy la if that happens. Happy like bird. Wheeeee!

The things I dream about.

Is your life more exciting than mine?

Saturday - Part I

Just to prove my point, I am going to do a Saturday night post. This time just 2 parts. Lemme see if I can recall properly or not.

I woke up only at 7 believe it or not. Tons of missed calls and messages, so I selected my favourite 3 people to respond to and fuck care the rest. Paiseh la, priorities ma.

Chelsea was playing Man Utd. Nothing fazed me, not even the scoreline. 3-0 is a good victory to mark the end of a victorious campaign. Just heart pain, that we've had no luck in the Champions League. Did a little cheating betting too. Logged onto Ladbrokes at 85 mins into the game and bought a scoreline bet for 3-0. 5 minutes I waiting, then ka ching. Ok, happy. I didnt want to go out actually, but haiz, everyone else was out. Some ppl went to the Ngee Ann show, some were fucking, some were boozing, and the tamil movie didnt look so appetizing. So, I gathered my resources, just over 10 bucks and left the house.

Firstly, I made a stop at Outram after 2 of my malay guys picked me up in a cab. Lo and behold, one of them changed girlfriend, at least this one is MILF-pretty. I had to go to Cantonment for a coupla minutes because someone requested to see me. That's all I'll say and no, I don't need a ready bailor, it is a private matter, and no, I won't be seeing the hallowed walls of Changi anytime soon also. Cos Prison got no broadband. How will i blog?
Credit: Uber Mommy.

The function today was simple. One of the masseuses at my friend's parlour, her mummy birthday. Not mamasan mummy, but real mum. So we all went, to Mahligai Manis, fine Dangdut at Selegie Center. Gangster paradise. Gave me the chills. Actually it didnt give me as much chills as watching the crowd outside Amaran. The tension was clogging the air, I just knew the Malay joint would be safer and I was proven right. Big ass fight at Amaran last night at about 330, the club closed early too. Obi good ah. Progress summore la, assholes.

The dangdut was fucking seedy man. I mean, apart from the live band belting out Malay hits, from a time long gone and Hindi song being littered here and there, it was not such a bad place to be in. The only other Indian there was the bouncer, a nod, a smile, I know I'm covered. So, cut cake, eat eat, all happy. Drink drink. 3 bottles worth. And we left for Bedroom. Even the leaving portion we had to urmz do a bit of fakery here and there, tell people we were going home if not they wouldn't have let us leave. Oh, you know those remix songs in Raaga and Asoka where they change the lyrics to some local Indian content. You should hear the Malay ones baby, fantastico. One fine day I is stealing that DJs CD.

So, we go to Bedroom. A markedly quieter night since the mayhem yesterday. Even when we had our pre-club stouts there was not even a violent soul around. Coupla plain clothes cops, but thats normal. We no fear, we are model citizens who just drink a lot. Drink at bedroom already, drink drink drunk. At about 6+, it was obvious the liquor was finishing and no one is gonna offer to get summore, so we left. And the fucking thing is, there were NO cabs.

I was amazed. On Saturday night, the whole of Singapore went through a cab shortage. Every goddamn cab was on call or hired. Where are the soothing green lights man. Going "TAXI!!!!!!". Saw a cab fight also. Typical, one fella flags, the other fella potong jalan, fight.

I will continue this in the next post.

Friday - Part IV

Tiring you know write my life out in words. My autobiography is gonna be 10 volumes I think. With so many off-tangent chapters. The "did u know" series.

Anyhow, I go back Boat Quay and the clowns are STILL there. Stil at the same tables with the same stout. Yet to decide on where to go. Already a normal club is out of the question. Now we gotta settle for one of those open till 6 joints. That I don't quite prefer cos trouble is always abound in those places.

And trouble we saw. Much of it. All the Progress package induced mayhem. Youngsters are now the newly rich, spend their wealth on booze, booze till they go mad, fight it out.

The cops were in full force. Everywhere trouble erupted. The entire stretch. More than 300 people got arrested on Friday night, if my sources are correct. And from all around. Boat Quay/Clarke Quay/Tg Pagar/MS/Joo Chiat even. In Boat Quay, the spectacle of violence was just too good a sight to pass up. 2 Chinese groups clashed. And the CIDs just knew that they were gonna run out by the backdoor, so they waited for them, pinned them down and bludgeoned them with their baton. Thunk thunk thunk!

Where were we? Haha. Talkin to the CIDs la. After all some of them drink with us in MS even aided us in scuffles before. And also crack jokes at fat cops. You know those who huff and puff and blow the house down after a pursuit. Asking him "How bro..tired not? Want some water?" "Your baton quite big ah." "Lend me your gun la..I shoot these gangsters and testing...they die neh mind right?"

Finally we walked down to Bedroom Bar II. Part two is just across the road from Part 1 and is beside Desire [i have no wish to talk about this joint. you will never catch me there unless I have a very very good reason]. And we got banned! How the fuck do you get banned from a place you havent even entered? The bouncers response: To prevent trouble later. KNN. Scared of the police presence arresting every Tom Dick and Mat outside, you ban us. After a bit of persuasion and hard talking about the merits of us, we went in and had a ball of a good drink.

Trouble did come though. But not for us. Surrounding patrons decided to knock each other up. We jus looked and behaved like the peaceful citizens we always are. These days, so tiring to langgar people. Might as well just play pool and down our whiskey.

Got very pissed off with the waitress though. KNN bitch, this is one girl who is like an adik, we keep her around, give her ciggies, beer, she almost is always with us, sit with us, drink with us, fucks one of us. And she decides to put her hands in our money till. Tequila shots go at 10 bucks at Bedroom, already a fuckin unbelievable price. This bitch dared to come sell us 2 for 36. Imagine that, an 8 dollar markup from bar to pool table, total distance like 2 metres. I mean you want to run a con also must select proper people with proper lies right. Chao cheebai. Sure kena caught out what with us.

Thus the judgment was passed, "You fuckin hell don't come near us again and I don't want you to serve our table or talk to us anymore, and stop your whiny..."abang..abang...sorry"!"

The night ended at 7. It is the shittiest feeling in the world when you walk out of a booze joint and the sun slaps you in the face. Oh well. A fine end to the night. Finer with the breakfast of 2 packets of the finest Ba Chor Fishball Mee Kia you can get in Ang Mo Kio. Try it. You won't regret. Blk 450, S-11, Zai Lai Mee Pok.


Friday - Part III

First thing I did when I got home was boot up, and pay my damn Starhub bill online. Do coupla transfers and my Progress was all gone. Left 9 dollars. Starhub+Insurance = $791 poorer. So, there it went. My progress package, packaged and sealed and delivered to the coffers of Starhub and Aviva. And please ah, don't exclaim that I should keep my phone bills down. This is 3 months worth of bills, both phone and insurance. I need insurance. Life is too dangerous already. Any time also can die for any reason also.

Then, the smsing started. First a polite info call to those that have tried to get me but couldn't. That I'm back online mudderfuckers. Supa fly. Then due to the new found sms capabilities, and I go through like 5000 a month. No joke. I decided to harass a woman. Harass that cherry lips that don't lie. She was sufficiently harassed. Kept me company on the way to Boat Quay too. Yey.

Anyhow, I reached Boat Quay. If you wanna do the whole, boat quay is full of youngsters how can you go there, la la la, blah blah blah, go get a life. The waterfront clubs of course are still young uns hangouts. This has been the case since I was young. Damn I've seen Kilmanjaro morph into Zappas change into Hendrix and is now Queens. That's how long we've played these streets. Anyhow, if you walk on down past the new 7-11 to the start of circular road, there's a coffeeshop there and that's where I'll be.

We'll be actually. Me and my adik bradeks. The group I dare to drink with. The group I feel totally safe and secure with. The group full of 30+ year old Malay dudes, each with 1-2 children, most divorcees. So, it's me, them and their gfrens of the season, whoever the nice girls might be. And we don't even sit at the coffeeshop per se. We sit across the road from it. At the tables that belong to an Indian Muslim stall by day. We are the only ones who get served by the drinks guys and the food ppl, across the road. No one else has this privilege. Namely, cos the boss of one of the massage parlours in the area sits with us. He is "known". Nuff said. So, we are mini royalty.

Every day before we depart to a club, we drink there first. The only thing on the table? Stout and Red Bull. The red bull is just to make the stout less bitter and doesnt add to any other alcohol satisfaction. I am now a stout addict. I can't even drink Tiger or Carlsberg or any other "white" beer without it seeming like plain waterish. Usually, we drink till 12 or so and then by that time whoever has to arrives, arrives and we decide where to go and we go. Total group that moves out of there could be from anything from 15-35 depending on the significance of the night.

This time however, we is sit there till 3. KNN. 11 to 3. Stout freeflow. The bottles just kept arriving. I heart pain already. Waiting and waiting for a key man to arrive. KNN. So, I smsed my other buddies. And lo and behold, from playin pool in AMK they was magically transported ot BlackJack. Interesting. Of all the goddamn places to go. Summore the previous week only I heard them exclaim : What a rut of a joint. We're definitely not coming back here.

So, I told my malay fellas I'll brb. And I hopped onto a Comfort to Shenton Way. KNNBCCB! I walk into the place just to hear them say they're leaving. WTF right. Some brainy bastard then says lets go to Paramount. Paramount as you know is the enclave for all things seedy. If you want a real life lap dance in Singapore. Go get it at Paramount. The chicks are much much wild and Filipina of origin. Though, if you like classier Filipinas, I have many places in Duxton Hill to recommend.

My favourite stunt at Duxton and Tanjong Pagar? Say I study only Primary 4, father is a millionaire, and I while my time away while playin in a band. The band bit always hooks them. It is a KTV kinda place with rock songs all the time anyhow.

Ok, digressed enough. We go to Paramount cos of that smart fucks idea and the entire joint is closed! Zilch. Nada. Not even ghosts roaming that alley. KNN. Everyone mood out. My best buddy is going bonkers. Thanks for wasting our time was my response to one and all. I then Comforted my way back to boat quay.

Stay tuned for the rampage that follows.

Friday - Part II

Part deux. The second verse is quicker than the first.

So, we went back to the deceased place after the cremation. Edgy times. Cos by now, everyone's mood is a bit more upbeat and we're back to our joking fooling around selfs. And it aint that good to be seen rumbling with laughter, near the vicinity of a recent death.

We got the money together. See, this is something that you should do. Many people just attend funerals and fuck off. Nyet. You should donate at least a bit of finance to the family. Out of courtesy, in recognition of the income source that is lost now. Ok la, not too bad, under 10 of us and we amassed a sizeable amount. Into the envelope and off to pass it to his mum. Done. Let's go eat.

So we ate at this place in AMK with very good chicken rice. Even before walking to that coffeeshop we was thinking twice and thrice if we should, spend even a bit of time there. Not known to be friendly to outsiders, certain portions of AMK, even though we are all residents of the same new town. Also, i live in block 400+ which is under Teck Ghee GRC, lo and behold jus cross 2 roads to blocks 200+ and its Yio Chu Kang SMC liao. KNNBCCB.

Chicken rice was fantastic. And the jokes. And the fun. Till some KLK walked by. A friend of mine rose to greet him and engage in a litte bit of chit chat. Another one also rose, minutes later. Now, this second one, I also don't like him much. One of those tactless bastards who goes berzerk when drunk and can singlehandedly get you banned from all the indian joints in Singapore in under a coupla hours. Explains why I always give club nights out a miss. Cos, when you start I'm obligated to join in. And I don't wish to. My blood is much more valuable than for this mofo.

So, the first guy sits down and the second guy is talking to that KLK who is like some middle aged man, lookin spiffy and all. Sekali we hear commotion. The KLK is just about telling him to get his act straight and his language in order if not he's a gonna go rough and rumble on his ass. Haiz. Already we're in a not good part of AMK, now like this. Flashpoint. What to do. Lucky we got another logical thinker at the table who went and split them both and pulled the klown back to the table. Mood all gone. No more jokes. Jus waiting to leave. Fuckin air was so thick with nervousness that it stank.

And then the boys wanted to go shoot some pool at central. So I said, ciao ciao. I is go snooze for a half hour and wait for my Malay guys to call me.

Then, my best buddy comes up to me and goes "I not say want to aim you or anything..but i notice you become a wildchild after you drink. When you're loaded up, your mouth is fuckin bad. Already normally you are damn sarcastic. After you drink, the way you talk will make a peaceful man also grab a knife to kill you."
I went "Hmmm..interesting. My mum told me the same thing this morning. I'll keep it in mind."
He continued "Yeah..you know that if there is a conflict between you and any of these boys I'd never let anything happen to you right. Just a friendly piece of advice if you can call it that"
I went "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ok la knn say so much for what?. Nex time I drink I wont talk ok? I buy needle and thread and give you sew".

Stay tuned for Part Trois.


Friday - Part I

I have a very eventful life. Very very. I don understand why mine is filled with such events, nor the frequency of such events. But yeah, it's been like that since young. Many things happen to me, many things I happen to see, and many things just happen. You don't believe me?

I shall bring you thru my typical Friday and Saturday in a few short entries. Then you too will share my pain. In my pursuit of a mediocre lifestyle, the crises keep pouring and the cosmic tangles jus keep making the pursuit pointless and endless. I think this is my destiny. I is a superstar. So, I shan't aim to shy away no more. Its time to embrace the limelight baby.

So, here goes, numero uno.

On Friday, I only had one thought in mind. And that was to go to the funeral of my mate, Jega and leave in one piece. It is not unknown that the coppers are gonna be around, in plain clothes at that, waiting and spotting who who all attends this wake. Call it a confirmation if you will on their part, that whoever they thought was affiliated to whom, is the truth.More importantly, it will be a culmination of various ahem "groups" and personalities. And most of them I don't want to see. If not gotta do the whole "hello, hows it going...i'm okie...u still in that "group"?...ah...well take care i gotta tend to more impt things/take a pee/answer a call/anything that works la".

Ah, don't you think it so interesting that this particular case comes out in the Straits Times no less [wonder why the New Paper didnt pick up on this fiasco] 3 days consecutively. The 1st day, was that teeny weeny thing that said someone fought someone. The second day we saw a bapok professing much love for the deceased, holding up his Deepavalli photo shot all. And the third is above, recounting the true story of his repentance, aching for a normal life, and eventually the events leading up to this death.

Read the third last paragraph, where the bapok "clarifies that she is just a pub buddy of the victim" and not boyfriend. That 2 bit punk better "clarify" and "clarify" good and later "testify" in court properly also to hang the right men. KNNBCCB. This change only came about after numerous friends and family knocked a lot of "sense" into that dumb fuckwit the eve of the funeral. OF course la...knn...ppl call me even can ask "eh your friend gay ah? how come his girlfriend is one bapok". NNB.. pissed off ah. Ppl die already still name kena smeared by a media whore.

So, the funeral went on. As usual, old "members" and friends turned up in full force the night before and on that day. A lot of the high profile people kept away, fully aware of the cop presence. I myself saw a cop I knew and was asking him "you related to jega meh?". His sheepish smile said it all. So, I told him "want to come in mufti also at least change your shoes la...ur fuckin black shoes make it damn obvious u know". Another sheepish smile.

Flowers were placed, tears were shed. Quite enlightening to see grown men cry. Especially when its for a worthy cause and not dumb "my gfren broke up with me" bullshit OR, "my gfren is having a baby, i need money for the abortion" bullshit.

An interesting fella was this Chinese Eurasian mix guy. He came with a bandanna and with his mum. His mum and him were sharing ciggies and beer below at the void deck. As it is, if you don't already know. Everyone has beer at such events. The Econ minimart uncle damn happy to see us summore. And this fella starts breaking down and crying and bawling and whatever la. He cry until other people's tears stopped. In disbelief. Like "who the hell is this fella?". Everytime he cries his mum soothes him down and says classic lines like "I never born a girl ok? Be a man." And later, after his cries "Bastards! Bastards! Motherfuckers who kill him! He was a nice chap dei [cue: hug the nearest KLK]", his mum goes "If you are my son, you give at least one man die for this". Apparently he didnt know the brother in law was the one who had a major part in his death.

Ah, now the revelation. The man who did give the 16 stabs was not the brother in law but his good friend. Reason? Cos in one of those "anneh, my husband jus drank and whacked me" followed by "knn..u wait i come there now" followed by "dishoom dishoom fling flung...u cheebai...nex time u touch my sister again i will kill you" scuffles, this fella was caught in the crossfire once. Just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time he had got a major beating together with the brother in law. Thus, his revenge.

Though 16 times is a bit too animal even for Kamalhassan in Alavanthaan. Summore the stabs weren't perpendicularly into the chest like straight on, they came from above and tore a lot of flesh on the exit. So, we saw how the lung was punctured. Also, he had got stabbed upwards just below the jaw. You know that hollow portion. Severing his jugular vein too. And the numerous slashes at the back and the nicks and cuts on his face. It was a sad sight. They even put shades on his corpse so it would divert attention from the beaten face.

The new Mandai crematorium looks good anyhow, they really did it nicely. Nice AV system, good seats and aircon, clean place. Numerous bookings also, there's this LED screen that flashes whose service is due at which hall at what time. Knn, bumper crop la that day. 4 different "screenings" for just one hall. Starting at 9 in the morn to 5 in the evening.

And it rained. Aint that a good omen, when it rains at funerals. I heard that somewhere I think. Something of the nature of God weeps for you and with the grieved.

Spot your fuck buddy

Something I realized in the course of my ahem "work". Women love to confuse us. YES, I'm talking bout those chicks who got their tits popping out of their tops, jus aching to wave hi to all of us out there, and then they turn around and go "Why you looking at me like thaT? I aint no slut okie...".

Yeah, yeah, we geddit already. The way you dress aint necessarily the way you are. But fucking hell, stop the mudderfuckin confusion routine.

So, when you do get to chance upon a potential playmate. Some pointers on how to ensure the effort is well worth that titty-and-ass. *Meow*

1. She dresses the part

Women brazen enough to wear tight, revealing clothing share many characteristics with sexually proficient women: Confidence in their bodies, a lack of inhibition and an unmistakable wild streak.

2. She talks the talk

If she is willing to engage in raunchy sex talk outside the bedroom, imagine how much hotter it could get once you’re actually in it. Those "F-bombs" and "C-words" she utters in everyday life take on a whole new meaning between the sheets. Sure, she might occasionally shock you, but she’ll also blow you away literally and figuratively.

3. She reads up on the topic

You can look for obvious clues like Sexy Massages, Volume 4 or a dog-eared version of The Expert’s Guide to Kama Sutra, but you can also keep an eye out for more subtle clues, like books by the likes of Harold Robbins and Sidney Sheldon. If she has the gall to read this filth, she must be liberal enough to really let her hair down in the sack. On top of that, she’ll most probably be chock-full of ideas after reading them.

4. She makes decisions

Find a woman who suggests you go for spicy BBQ or picks the movie before the date, and you’ve probably found a class-A partner. This self-assuredness will translate into the bedroom, meaning that she’ll have no problem telling you what she likes and what is working for her. Sexually satisified women will go to great lengths to reciprocate the favor.

5. She's a bit older

Logic. The more you've been fuckin, the better you're gonna get at it.

6. She's competitive

You know the girl on your school netball team who swears under her breath whenever someone makes a mistake? Odds are she is an absolute dynamo in bed. Potential grand slam: Athletic body + willingness to make it a memorable experience.

7. She can carry on a conversation

Sex experts point out that if a woman’s conversation cadence and non-verbal actions mirror a man’s, they often enjoy a finely tuned, mutually beneficial sex life. If your conversations are stunted and filled with awkward silences, there is a good chance you will enjoy a similarly choppy, awkward roll in the hay. There are no detailed scientific studies backing these claims up, but they do make sense.

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Idiot Alert

When you need idiots, you employ these guys.

[Click on the last picture to blow it up and catch the finale, this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend, some ppl started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because....]

Please abuse your child

Please, please abuse your child. Beat your children, do the right thing.


Antichrist Superstar

You built me up with your wishing hell
I didn't have to sell you
you threw your money in the pissing well

You do just what they tell you
REPENT, that's what I'm talking about
i shed the skin to feed the fake
REPENT, that's what I'm talking about

Whose mistake am i anyway?

Cut the head off
Grows back hard
I am the hydra
now you'll see your star
prick your finger it is done
the moon has now eclipsed the sun

The angel has spread its wings
the time has come for bitter things

The time has come it is quite clear
our antichrist is almost here...
It is done.


Welcome to India

Continuation of parodies, India's Welcome to Atlanta:

Nomination Day

Ah, nomination day is done. What relief. Perhaps we ARE moving towards a more open political playing field. Good news for all. Good fights at most places too.

Apart from reading the different party ideals and manifestos, it now is up to the politicians and how well they sway the crowd in their rallies don't it. I at least can download and patiently go thru 52 pages of what the WP aims to do when it gets to power. But my chicken rice uncle definitely needs to be told the exact same thing albeit in an abbreviated 2 hour rally and most probably in his own dialect for him to vaguely even identify with the candidate.

There's a tent set up just in front of my block already. Seems a PAP rally is on the way. Ok, when I hear loud sounds I shall jus pop down in my boxers and shout "WP ah WP .." and walk back home, after buying my smokes.

Nah, changed my mind. I shall be journalist. Take photo la, ask for comments la, ask them why my street soccer court got 4 floodlights but are not switched on la, everything that matters to me.

See how first, lazy ah.

Anyhow for a roundup on who's contesting where and the names of all who are involved:
Yahoo Singapore link.

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From grief, I am now disgraced. That I was emo enough to be taken in by a baseless rumour. The "Artful Dodger" strikes again. Smart tamilan capitalizes on a crime to create a rumour that debases his "enemies". And making all of us believe it too. And spread it for him too. Fantastic. I like this skill of his.

Damn, story also no thrill now. Thought some gangland nigga shooting a la streets of Harlem, now become drunken brother-in-law-bashing. KNN.

All together now, kuch kuch hota hai.

But the appearance of a 9 [ombothu], claiming the deceased was her boyfriend was a touch too many la. Mr. Chris, don't hanker for the limelight. It aint your time to get your 15 mins of fame yet. You'll get it when you get brutally hacked by some jealous expat boyfriend you will have in future catches you at Orchard Towers selling ass.

To everyone who was mis-informed, my apologies. My info as you know is derived from other non-assuming citizens of Singapore who were woken up at 1am to face the truth. What could we know. We have work and school to tend to, not who's beating up on OUR sisters.

Though, something very interesting. We have in our possession a neoprint taken like 9 years back. Thank god I'm not in that one. Cos of the 5, 2 have become the dearly departed. Boosh. Burn that sticker la first.



Today, I give you spoofs and parodies.

Beyonce is the ONLY Child:

Jessica and her "Is this chicken or fish":

And, Jack Black with LOTR:



So, its done. Thanks for those who offered support. Appreciated. To the ones who have never lost a friend, I've done 3 already and it is getting more mundane than shocking. Well, that's just the way it is aint it. Like our dads and mums have probably seen more death than us, for some of them, even seen the passing of siblings and parents. So, yeah...it happens.

Like my mum put it, "Must be gangsters la boy". True. This dimension that most of us don't get to see, in pretty pretty Singapore. Unless, you're immersed in it, you'd never know a dangerous situation even when it stands 2 feet away. A boon and bane, this knowledge. Keeps you on your toes all the time and yet can save you from fatality.

But, the only thing I want to point out is that youngsters these days are getting more and more angsty. Whereabouts does this DEEP sense of HATRED stem from? Why not just smash a guy up till you break his limbs and land him in the ICU, why kill? Is the hatred SO consuming?

Even if you gotta knife someone, why not just once or twice or a slash at the back, to prove your point, your ego and your manliness. Why 16 goddamn times?

I is gonna keep a close watch on the police proceedings though, to see if those they catch get off lightly on a manslaughter charge or be charged under murder.

Also, I have learnt that internal bleeding also nevermind the doctors can try save ya. Take care of your lungs when you're in this situation. Do not get knifed in the chest. At least survive the ride to the hospital. Then we can go 'clap back' when you get ok.

The radio is still spouting calls out for witnesses to speak to the police. So, anyone around AMK Blk 124-126, [125 is the coffeeshop block], around the hours of 1800-2200 on Monday night and happened to witness something the wee bit suspicious, please call the cops. The number is 1800- 2550000.

My song of the week. Such an inspirational one. Kanye the man!

Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky


There will be no posts today.

A 'brother' of mine has just been murdered. 20 guys, 16 stab wounds. Died on the way to the hospital, his lungs gave out.

I cannot rant and rave the way I should because I am not up to it. So, please make your way to some other blog for the next day at least. Because, I'm just not up to it. Blogging about whatever or whatever.

CNA Link.

2 different cultures but had the same heart
Enjoyed seein the light but live in the dark
Bumped heads in the parkin lot
He did like to bark alot
Came direct, when he came, gained respect
So i gave respect, we shared the same respect

2 brothas with good hearts, but if he starts,
2 brothas that'll hurt you

God tried to warn us but sometimes we dont see
When i first heard im like THIS CANT BE!
Ya'll niggaz is buggin,
got the wrong information or somethin

There was things left unsaid dog we wasnt finished
Never got to say thank you for bein a friend
Dogs for life!And you rolled to the end
Held dog down didnt let a day go by

To accept the fact,
that you wont be comin back
But i hope you comin back,
cuz i wont accept the fact

So im not gonna say goodbye my nigga,
instead i would ratha
Focus on the times we spent together,
thats what matters

Need you to save me a spot next to you and the lord
I dont know when im comin but keep checkin the door

We dogs for life and in death



If you is like me and lurves good commercials, this site is for you. Thousands to browse through, bookmark and keep going back. Especially to catch good ones, with superb creativity but unfortunately didnt pass thru the Singapore censors like this one.

Ads Link.

Nostalgia PAP style

So, like urmz, like lets just do a rough review of what the PAP has done for us, as a government not a party, since the last GE.

You ready?

Government to increase GST from 3% to 5% despite bad economy in 2001.

Government increase Public Transport fees wef 1 Jul 2002.

A contradiction in reducing CPF for housing payment and at the same time reduce 20% to 10% for initial pay up to buy condo. Aug 2002

Increase fees of hospital. Sept 2002

Increasing loan % for car and number of years repayment up to 10 years. Jan 2003

Government insists reduction of wages despite bad time by reducing their own by 10%. Ironically, no effort has been made to reduce the standard of living for average Singaporeans. May 2003

Increase of school fees. May 2003.

Lecturers investigation reveals the 3 out of 4 jobs given to foreigners. July 2003 (MOM retaliate immediately the next few days).

Proposed cut of CPF to 33% (eventually to 30%) and increase restriction to CPF conditions despite increasing GST to 5% the following year. August 2003

$5.00 manufacturing cost on EZLink cards to be absorbed by commuters. Nov 2003

Conflicts between ALPA-S and SIA Management. Government order pilots to quit fight. Dec 2003

Workshop claim NTUC Income insurance delays and underpay them for accident repairs. Dec 2003

Cancellation of bus service when the North-East MRT line is up. Thereby leaving resident with no alternative but to use a more expensive mode of transport. Dec 2003

SIA and Temasek Holdings own 60% of Tiger Airline to rival other budget airline business. Dec 2003

LTA requires public to pay S$1300 to retain old car plates for 2nd hand car. Dec 2003

High income earners to pay more when opt for lower class ward. Ironically, there does not appear to be an increase in the subsidies for the lower income earners. Mar 2004

Change in legislations to make use of funds in reserves for government and GLC less transparent. April 2004

Lax in laws for foreigners to purchase land in Singpaore. Aug 2004

Increase in the premier of Medishield despite revcovery in economy. Aug 2004

Did badly in the aspect of recovering the economy of Singapore for year 2002, 2003, 2004. Evident can be seen from the increasing number of HDB loan defaulters and number of people who are unable to obtain loans from financial companies. Nov 2004

Fees increase for local universities and polytechnics despite full economy recovery. Dec 2004

PAP claim that Temasek had not used reserve for oversea business expansion but had not said anything about local businesses. Jan 2005

Allowing banks’ loan rates (eg. home mortgage) to be increased despite full economy recovery. Mar 2005

Although passport price has reduced by some $20, passport issued after 1 April 2005 will last only for 5 years instead of 10, an indirect increase in cost? Apr 2005

Build not 1 but 2 casinos and claims that it will enhance job prospect despite public concerns/disapproval to build casinos. Apr 2005

ERP Rates Up at 3 gantries to control traffic flow, when citizens questioned LTA why do they not consider lowering rates elsewhere instead. Apr 2005

Refuse to be more transparent with accounts of GICs (Government of Singapore Investment Corporation) despite urge by IMF. Apr 2005

Public transport rates up again despite recovery of economy. May 2005

Electronic Road Pricing timing to extend longer during weekends and into Saturday for Orchard and CTE. May 2005

Only 6 out of 33 food van owners still in business due to inflexibilities and restrictions on URA rule. Jun 2005

The NKF saga. Jul 2005

Dispute between residents of Hock Kee House and LTA. Aug 2005

Police probe on “white elephant” cutout outside Buangkok MRT. Sept 2005

Exit permit age reduced from 16 years old to 13 years old for male residents that need to leave Singapore for more than 3 months. Apr 2006

Credit: singaporeelection.blogspot.com

WP's manifesto

I take back what I said in a previous entry. The WP although not impressing me much with their lack of a handshake while delivering their party leaflets, does in fact have a manifesto I quite like.

But firstly, the shakedown. If you didn't already know, this election will be contested by 3 main political parties. The SDA, WP and the PAP. The SDA has 4 members, the Singapore People's Party (SPP), the National Solidarity Party (NSP), the malay based Pertubuhan Kebangsaan Melayu Singapura (PKMS) and the Singapore Justice Party (SJP).

PKMS and SJP, I couldn't even find their official party website. The SDA was founded to mainly facilitate the banding together of smaller parties and is modelled after Malaysia's Barisan Socialis that used to operate on both sides of the causeway. The alliance member with the greatest number of votes or members in parliament holds the power in deciding the heading of the entire alliance. Chiam See Tong of the SPP has since changed his election strategy from returning the PAP to power by contesting less than half of the available seats in order to encourage people to vote opposition while being reassured that the government that they know and are comfortable with doesn't evaporate, now has decided to fight for it all, dog and bone style. This only bodes well for the laymen like us. Of course la, competition better than not ma.

Their respective manifestos and aims are available here:

SPP: http://www.spp.org.sg/VISION%20AND%20DIR.htm
NSP: http://www.nsp.sg/aboutus.php
PAP: http://www.pap.org.sg/ [Click on A Better Life for All graphic]
WP: http://www.wp.sg/
[By far the best manifesto I've seen, click to download under manifesto heading]

As I was saying, the WP fellas never shake our hand. But still, one wonders if when they do knock on the door, would people even respond well or just get paranoid that they shouldn't be seen talking to the opposition, especially since my GRC belongs to the king of the country. This was theorized by my mum and my boss.

I said if i was in the WP and I met such cocksta people. Those si beh kiasee type. I note down their house and in the still of the night run around with a spray can and a stencil of the hammer and "tag" their door. Booyakasha! Serves you right, you rude mofos. I means will ask them come in, offer them Milo all, discuss election strategy.

Like tell them, why you all want to fight at places where no have upgrading yet. Then PAP can offer it and the clowns will run like pubescent boys to pussy. Go fight in the areas where upgrading is ALREADY done la. What more can they do to entice the public? Build roof top swimming pools meh? Cannot be right. It won't take 1 election to sway them, but as time goes on and they realize no more upgrading is coming their way since they already got it once, then the clowns will stop to think.

Think about macro issues and not micro day to day affairs. Cos to govern means to set a plan for the long term.

The WP manifesto wants, of many other things:

1.The civil service must be politically neutral, true to the rule of law.

2. The rationale for electoral boundary changes and the proposed boundaries should be announced at least a year before the next GE.

3. The NMP system should be abolished as no one should be allowed to vote on legislation without a mandate from the people. [Very true! I don't want Eunice Olsen deciding my fiscal policies for me! She turns letters on TV for gods sake.]

4. Ministers should be paid variable bonuses upon achieving certain measurable indicators such as GDP growth, unemployment numbers, etc.

5. Ministers should declare all their assets to the public including assets owned before they take up office and after they leave office.

6. Victims of crime are inadequately taken care of in criminal cases. The victim suffers expense and inconvenience and is not properly compensated for all this.

7. Accused persons who are mistakenly arrested should be compensated as it brings about loss of income, stress, loss of reputation. The burden of the executives' errors should not be borne by the innocent. [Tell me about it, knn kena CNB raid. I suddenly from normal "citizen" became "the accused". pass urine test still must sign personal bail]

8. Single parents must not be left out of available assistance schemes.

9. Introduce a Board of Equal Opporunities so no one is discriminated on account of ethnicity, origin, gender, age, socio economic class.

10. Any tuition fee increases for tertiary institutions should be subject to scrutiny by an independent watchdog to ensure that it is minimum and justifiable.

11. All govt ministers and exco members of political parties should not take office in trade unions at any level.

About the best I can do, while sleepy and scrolling through 52 pages of text that has covered most of our country's concerns. Ranging from the arts and media to even national security.

Kudos WP! Good job with this write up. Wasn't too hard wasn't too low class.

I strongly suggest you guys read it. All the way. If not, you'll jus about miss out the tiny little details in that massive system of ours that jus seems a bit too tweaked for peoples' own good.


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I has been flagged up in SingaporeSurf: Life in the City.


Scroll down to "Election Talk".

Adieu! Besame baby Besame.

Absolut Bags

If you is interested in bags like these:

Click here. Limited period and quantity only.


I stepped out for a smoke, and I see this shoved under the door. I thought la, at first. They didnt mean for their party manifesto and publicity card to be trodden by my barefoot feet. But I saw, my neighbour house same thing.

So, I read it. Fast reader that I am. Barely 2 seconds later, I'm pissed off. The card read "Hello I've come to pay you a vist. If you need to contact me, call 9*******". WTF! You where have pay me a visit. Do you even know what is visiting? Drop a flyer on my door, counted that you have visited me?

If you're gonna try and take on The Emperor's Child's GRC you goddamn better buck up your approach la sweetheart. I mean, the least you could have done is ding dong, hello i is wanting your vote, this is what i stand for, thank you, good night. Instead of making party volunteers scurry up and down the blocks dropping your leaflets.

And this is for the PAP too, I have no idea what the hell everyone's manifestos mean. Either there is too much jargon or its so simplified that the hawker also can understand but end up not looking professional.

But, of all the things you should do. You shouldn't lie. Lie to me you paid a visit. I want an opposition in Singapore cos I don't believe in a one party leadership. However, of course I want a quality opposition right. Haiz.

On a another note, hope Chee gets bankrupt though. He should be eradicated. A shame on all opposition candidates. And how come all these arch-villains always find one tamileh to stand with them and shout shout, jing jag all.

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Suits for you?

A suit for you, sir?

Credit: Talkingcock.com


Boobs Butt or Shoulder

Play this game. You'll be surprised at how "badly" you do.

Weather Stone

If it is obvious, it must be true.



Question: What do you do when you pick up the phone to call someone for company on your smoke break, and your mum and granny are on the line?

Answer: Join in the conversation! Bore both of them till they decide to end their convo to continue again tomorrow.

Question: What happens when someone complains to you that your younger brother's spelling is atrocious and he shouldn't use big words if he don know how to spell them?

Answer: Heck care la. Just makes me look better.

Question: What should you do when you go to your coffeeshop and they've run out of your brand of smokes?

Answer: Tell the uncle, in no polite terms, how much money he'd lose if you, your pops, your friends, their friends stop using his services. Also, take the time to provide a rough calculation. 10*30*12 = $3600 that comes from your pockets to his yearly revenue. Thus, as they should, like mine did, he will take the time to go to the storeroom and get the refill cartons out and also simultaneously fuck his supplier on the phone.

Question: What do you say when you see the newspapers and the SDP is gonna get sued for saying that the NKF saga was all a government conspiracy and it was the govt that was enriching themselves and not Durai Durian?


Disclaimer: I is not pro-PAP, neither is I anti SDP. I just hate that mofo Chee Soon Juan.

Johnnie To's Election

I just finished watching Election. Another of the HK Triad genre. Along the same lines as the super duper famous Young and Dangerous series and the modern popular Infernal Affairs I and II. Johnnie To brings to us a tale of the election of a new chairman of the family. A society that has 50,000 members by itself. Controlled by 9 godfathers.

Review link.

However, we as observers in Singapore can only marvel at the brazen outwardness in which triad and gang related activities are conducted in the homes of the truly big names. HongKong's triads, the Italian mafia, the Russian mafya, the black hoods in the USA. Triads however have their roots in more chivalrous and patriotic ideals.

300 years ago, the Manchurian Empire exterminated patriotic Shaolin monks.5 survivors got away joined forces, swore to be brothers to restore the Ming Empire.
Known as the "Five Ancestors" they created the Hung society. It conducted heroic uprisings.Thousands of patriots died valiantly in battle. The Hung continued to exist as a secret society.

From the movie:

Monologue by "official ceremony" conductor, ceremony here is like a real election where after the nominations, campaigning, bribing and finally polling, the winning members are sworn in in front of the God of War [their main deity]

On the 7th day of the 10th moon of the Yi Xi year we nine brothers kneel before the altar of the gods to make a pledge like the Five Ancestors. We will form a league of brethren. We nine leaders unite in fraternity in the name of Heaven, Earth and the Mings.
We nine brothers: With one heart, and in honour all united in life and death. Born apart, we will die together. We pledge allegiance to Wo Sing society. We pledge to look out for each others' wellbeing. Loyalty shall lead to prosperity. Traitors, renegades, and those of no honour shall be killed by 3 knives and 5 thunderbolts mercilessly pursued and cursed by the gods.

Each of the 9 godfathers, pricks his finger and drops blood into a bowl of water. Chicken is sacrificed and its blood added to the mix. Joss paper and blood sacrifice is offered to the gods.

Now the Chairman[Lok played by the suave Simon Yam] speaks:

Honour shall bring prosperity. Those of no honour will be broken. [smashes bowl].The God of War is our witness. Our sabres united as 9 brothers. We shall no longer fight. If one of us is in danger the rest shall go to his rescue. We shall conquer Tsim Sha Tsui!
I, Lok, shall be the first to fight. I shall be the first to offer money. Nothing will stop me, I will scare the enemy away.I shall fight on the front line. May my brothers prosper! May the gods protect us!

Ah, the sweet scent of brotherhood. The word is much bastardized around here though. Everything also brother brother. But then again, watch the flick and you will see the utter pristine values of loyalty, justice and good common sense within the chaotic underworld of it all.

Imagine, the anti-triad task force chief tells one of the "uncles": Its impossible to exterminate the triads, what I want is peace. A truce.

The "uncle" replies: War is imminent. Wo Sing society itself has 50,000 members. There are another 300,000 triad members in the other societies. Can your prison system handle all of us with enough law and order.

Now, imagine if one of us was to have that same conversation with the SSB. Hmmmmm.

*click on images to blow them up to read the words*

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Don't borrow money

See, this goes out to all the people who borrow money, and don't return. I do too, all the time actually, but at least from me, the guarantee of return is somewhat 100%. I say somewhat because there are some delays here and there and for that I thank my friends for their kind consideration.

Rajini in Baasha : Kadan vaangarathum tappu. Kadan kodukurathum tappu. Rendume nimmathi illai.

But, when you lend money then you cannot get it back, you look for these guys: The Debt Collectors. Take it what way you will. But gangsters make the best collectors. But don't over collect la, wait you get shot dead in the middle of a lonely park in Selangor.

Today Link.

Then again, when this guy is on your ass. You think you will pee in your pants and pay? I bet I will. One of the kind of men, I never wanna come across. Not even in a crowded shopping mall with cops nearby.

Mrs Tan [wife of the deceased]: I have never known of any secret society links.

Yeah right, missy. The tattoos were just for art I suppose.

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Devathai Ilam Devi

A song, recently re-introduced to me. I used to be freakin terrified of this song when I was young. I'd walk away from the TV when it plays and switch off the radio [especially when 96.8 loves to play it in its midnight idle moments].

A friend long gone now, also used to sing this. His favourite in his musical repertoire. You still are missed bro.

But yeah, a pontianak fleeting thru the screen song. If your love ends up as a ghost, I think you should just imagine it Mohabbtein style and not this version. Couldn't find the vid though. If not you'd know what I mean exactly.

Devathai Ilam Devi

devathai ilam devi unnai chutrum aavi
kaanalaana kanneer kaanavillaiyaa?
ohhhh... neeyillaamal naanaa?

Yeri karai poovellaam endhan peyar sollaadhoa?
poo vasandhamae nee marandhadhaen?
aatru manal mehdengum naan varaindha kolangal
dhaeva mullaiyae kaanavillaiyae

idhu kaadhal soadhanai iru kannil vaedhanai
oru vaanambaadi thegam vaadi paadum soagam kodi

endhanadhu kallaraiyai vaeroruvan thoanduvadhaa?
vidhi enbadhaa sadhi enbadhaa?
sondhamulla kaadhaliyae vatri vitta kaaviriyae
undhan aaviyai nee veruppadhaa

idhu kanneer raaththiri en kannae aadhari
ivan theyum saedhi kanneer jaadhi needhaan endhan paadhi


This is twenty percent skill
Eighty percent beer
Be one hundred percent clear
cause I am ill.

This is ten percent luck,
twenty percent skill

Fifteen percent concentrated
power of will

Five percent pleasure,
fifty percent pain

And a hundred percent reason to
remember my name.


The stuff that lands in my email, not spam, a direct wanna fuck service. Not even here, but in Aussie. Book here, fuck there.

Hi, what I offer is a unique service, catering to travellers/ businessmen coming to sydney for business and or pleasure. My services can include, offeing a personal tour guide service, dinner companion service, travel companion service, or just a someone to talk to offering decent and stimulation conversation over drinks.

My service also extends to that of a one on one intimate encounter(s) for the evening. I am extremely professional in my appearance, am imacculately groomed, am a woman with class, elegance, charm and exciting pyshical features, I am sophisticated, intelligent, witty, smart, am quite the lady in public, yet a tigeress in the bedroom, am sensual, erotic, warm, caring and loving.

This unique service i provide does incur a fee, depending on length of time
my services are required. The fee ranges from AU$200per hour - AU$10,000 per week. Should this be something of interest to you please do not hesitate to reply. Attached is a pic for your interest.



Worlds on my shoulders

Some days I sit, starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry

Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me

People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive

Now you probly get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,

And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,
Or try to live up to these expectations?

But the years that I've wasted
are nothing to the tears that I've tasted

So sayonara, try tomorra, nice to know ya

And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted

Quote of the day: "She makes me smile even when she aint around".

Petronas Ads

For an oil company, these guys really know how to do corporation-to-kampung marketing. And their heart wrenching ads are one of a kind. Kudos Petronas!

And my all time favourite. If you aint tearing by now, you will. Love ya parents, please. If you don't already, tell them you love them. They're the only ones you ever BELONG to. Happy belated birthday naina. I heart you.


Due to the ultra thick skin I have, I don't really feel this emotion of embarassment all too often. Also cos I am of the delusion that I conduct myself without having to be embarassed. But now and then, God says. Let's teach this boy this emotion he so lacks. And thus, I encountered this:

A convo between me and my best bud tonight:

He: ello

Me: ello, wah so N needs 1K urgently eh? Just saw the sms just now.

He: Ya la, he rent a car then go and langgar until bonnet gone case. Now need 1.2 just for damages but also need to pay loss of value cos car is still in workshop till he settles the bill.

Me: Ohhhhh. Well, I'm last person to ask man. I myself living for the next day.

He: Izzit. Everyone got financial problem now man. Anyway, its N's birthday he asking us to come out have dinner.

Me: Ah, cannot la got exam tmrw, summore so broke how to even leave the house. Sure spend money.

He: Ya, which is why, I need some cash to go also, you got 10 bucks on you?

Me: No la! KNNBCCB I just only said I myself in poverty right!

He: Ohhhh. Can ask your mum loan you first?

Me: You siao ah, for me already no money. I so paiseh to ask. How to ask for you?

[Ultra long silence....me in thought.....he in thought]

He: So, urmz, can return me that 10 bucks you borrowed?

Me: *Boooooooooooooooooooooooooosh* Huh?!??! When dei did i borrow? OH don't tell me that day I went to Tunnel to see you one.

He: Yes, thats the day, the cigarettes in the morning you take from me the money what.

Me: Oh fuck! Sorry dei, so sorry I totally forgot, if I had I'd give you now. But as you know, tomorrow I see if can pass you already.

He: Ah, now all respectful la, just now macam macam only.

Me: *sheepish laughter*

He: KNN you owe me then still aksyen just now.

Me: How I know, people broke, you come borrow money I also tu lan right. I forgot la, sorry.

He: Ok la, its fine, I try dig dig in my house find. Maybe that night you not "level" enough to remember.

Me: Ya la, thats why. Your fuckin Tunnel, ask for bourbon coke I get Black Cat coke.

He: *sheepish laughter* okok. good luck for your exams, check you this weekend or something.

ME: *Thank god this entire embarassment is finally ending*


Thalai Pola Varuma?

Thalai Pola Varuma?

All you knn, chao turtle poseurs.

Late addition: Sham thinks the line should be "Sunni Thalai Pola Varuma?"

Indian Star

Don't know why, horoscope fever. My mum's contribution. Wahahaha. How easy is it to con housewives out of carpet cleaning solutions, vacuums you don't need, financial planning and of course horoscopes.

A smooth and pleasant year is in store for you. You may embark on a journey later in the year.

You will be at your persuasive best, able to enthral audiences by your eloquence and persuasiveness. Your communication skills will soar, as will your creative talents.

You will especially be involved in music and the dramatic arts. You will be inclined towards higher intellectual pursuits and may be involved in lecturing, teaching and writing.

Commercial activities may occupy your interest throughout the year, and much buying, selling, negotiating and travelling is predicted. New opportunities are likely to come your way and hold out the prospect for improvement in your status. You are likely to enter into a commercial undertaking with someone, and this is likely to have an extensive influence on your financial undertakings.

You are likely to become moody and temperamental. You will have to guard against becoming nervous and hesitant.