Sexual Prime

Today I heard a very interesting story. What interests me is probably incredulous to you, but still it's my moral responsibility to relate it to you.

A friend called me and said he can't make it for whatever we was planning for on Wednesday cos he had a torn muscle. Of course when a youthful KLK tells me torn muscle, it either has to be soccer, a good bar brawl or any other brash team sports we do.

Truth? He tore his hamstring during sex.

No joke. The first thing I thought of was how is it possible? He must have been humping like a horse, or she pulled him into some hatha yoga position that totally flipped him like a stranded humpback whale.

Or his muscles are just too thin? Too sinewy? Easily snapped. Na hia! Impossible right?
Well, also not believing him, I called up a friend who was a nurse at his ward. And true la! He apparently was the running joke within the ward for the past week.

Anyway, guess the point I am driving at is. Men are at their fitness peak from 18-20 unless you are a PES E keng kia, then you'll probably be as fit as my limp dick. And men are at their sexual peak from like 21-25.

So stay fit. Don't lose your NS time rigour to mindlessly drop twenty or attempt to haul yourself over every low wall and horizontal metal bar. Don't get injured in bed. Other than being damn blardy stupid to hear of, it's so fuckin embarassing. Even your hamstrings aint as strong as your dick. Tsk tsk.

Take this seriously, or this is what you'll end up doing decades from now, in bed with your "last-time-hot" wife.


Good Sleep

I is refreshed and ready for my 3 day school week. A bit of a difference, this week I shall attend ALL lessons. =). When I mean all, I mean all tutorials la. duh?

A good 12 hour rest last night, to all who wanted to reach me for whatever purpose, paiseh. Nex time I shall be more polite and simply switch off the phone so you can play a wild guessing game as to whether I'm sleeping/in jail/in the hospital.

Mondays are such boring days.

Monday, Monday, cant trust that day;
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way.
Oh, Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be.
Oh, Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me?

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
But whenever Monday comes---but whenever Monday comes
You can find me crying all of the time.

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
But whenever Monday comes---but whenever Monday comes
You can find me crying all of the time.


Ashley comments

I don friend you Ann. But, googling "ah neh" is getting more fun these days. Wahahahhaa.

Shanker is a doink la really!
Note :- Ah neh ur a lovable silly twilly. And amk is so Not ur pettay. *Bish*
That was so not true ok, let me show you the real Doink. also known as Doink the Clown, professional wrestler of the WWF era.


A machine for cleansing or loosening wool by the action of a revolving cylinder covered with long iron spikes or teeth; a willy or willying machine
Any tree or shrub of the genus Salix, including many species, most of which are characterized often used as an emblem of sorrow, desolation, or desertion.

Thus, it is proven that I am neither. *Booya!*


The Ny show sucked. To the core.

The most appalling show I've witnessed and I thought no one can beat the sheer boredom of SAJC's Thai Maatha Thendral we used to go see.

Back in my days, there were only 2 shows worth watching. ACJC's and AJC's. That I belong to the AJ KLKommunity is not a point in contention cos its true. We were damn good at it. Entertaining KLKs to a frenzy that is.

Yesterday, I witnessed how total disorganization is necessary to con poor souls out of their ten dollars. 10 fuckin dollars u know? If you are gonna charge a round figure, at least show some all round entertainment.

The people didnt even STAND at the spotlights man .Then you put for whaT? Cos you paid the electricity bill already? Drama competition? Sounded like who could out bore who more?

Of course, I must admit the scripts were too intellectual for me to understand. TPJC does that a lot. Confuse the hell outa ppl with their scripts and get the judge's nod of approval.

When you book a 1000 seat auditorium, the least you could do is to use cordless mikes right? Was there really a need for the clowns who pranced bout between the segments to use the cordless ones? Wouldnt a standalone or a wired mike do? And instead pass the cordless ones over to the cast of the dramas. We couldnt hear bullshit man from way up there.

And never have I witnessed soo many graduated seniors coming back to help out in organizing a gig like this. At the doors, at the counters, dancing. Kudos to you fellas. But still, the thought remains? Really got not enuf Indians in your school to pull off a gig like this meh? So under-staffed means you shouldnt even have gone ahead with the project. Just a thought.

Also, to the punks who like studied in NY only for the first 3 months, and then fucked off to some other school and still came back to help.
Awwwwww, get a life. NY is not ur alumni. Don't bedek la, pisses me off when I know you were from my alumni.

But ultimately, in my point of view. Suck suck lor, at least they got almost 10K to swim around in after conning soo many ppl.

Thank god I had good company. OR I'd have been on the 74 back home within a half hour.



Drops of Jupiter educates

Aint songs these days so educational? All you NIE teacher wannabes should stop worrying bout using IT to teach and just switch on the radio. You also got free period, they also just listen and talk cock do their own stuff. Win-win situation.

An example, learn about astronomy and Mother Nature:

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way .


Insomnia Again

Someone remarked my body clock is fucked. I just tried to justify to someone else that it's cos I was an evening baby so my attention span is greatest after twillight. But, I still is dying of insomnia.


Naga the Man

I is gonna need to commendate a man o'er here today. But first the background.

See we folks like to play soccer, and so we do, on Fridays at the Always Mafia Kingdom. However, the group is pretty big, volatile, ever evolving and never on time. Thus, there comes a time when mofos come up with the big idea of putting our talents to the challenge on a national scale and bring up the notion of entering a footy tournament.

Alas, we are but fallible, impressionable, KLKlindians.

Mofo in question this time? Me.

Tournament? Hyundai 5 a side Futsal Tourney at the Padang on 4th March.

Prize? 2000 smackeroos for top team out of 32.

So, now the Konklusion. When in a group of tamilans, some always ultimately think they are better than the others. And when they do that, they insist on forming a "best" team to send to such tourneys whereas the rest of us jus band together for the love of the game (sumsort). Thus, the "best" team goes in, flounders, gets knocked out and blames the world. There is always an underdog team that is formed, pitting together the "lovers" of the game who more often than not manage to go to at least the quarters.

Happened again. Haiz. Dissapointment. But we was saved!

Instead of ballotting and crossing our fingers hoping to get into this tournament, Naga the Man managed to find out bout Perfect 10 hosting a tournament simultaneously at same time same place same pitch. And there's only place for 8! And the punk ass actually managed to be the lucky caller!

Well done la brudder. The KLKillahs are on the roll again.

What happened to the best team? Clueless la. Fuck you mofos, you all wait long long for them to call you ok? Then I sincerely hope you pay 50 bucks to play and get knocked out.

Whereas we are gonna be kitted by Beckham's adidas, play for free and hold the cups aloft, higher than you mofos can ever dream bout.

Moral of the story: Fastest fingers win baby.
But how does one, become the fastest fingers of the nation on a Wednesday morning. You gotta be the Man, a Super Man. Or you could be doing this:

Or this:

when the inspiration to suddenly bang those numbers comes. 6-6-9-1-1-9-8-7.
Depending on what suits your fancy and depending on whether u dial the right station or else you might jus end up requesting "Aal Thotha Bhoopathi" from one of the KLKocksta 96.8 DJs we have.

Naga graciously has declined to sing his own praises but insists that he is single n available and wants to test if he got the Star Power or not. So, whoever needs to contact him, do leave me your number and I'll pass it on to him. Make sure u're fit. [no, not 2.4 click fit, but boobs and ass fit].

The Night Pool won

First, Neville had a yellow card and made me money. Then, I had some free beer courtesy of friends. To top it all off, i beat a fella at pool for a good stake to cover my taxi ride home. Not once but twice. Haiz.
And this is how the great man did it:

Vid courtesy of Na-Gling-Kia.

Kau Ilhamku

Beribu bintang di langit kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rembulan mengambang kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih ku ucapkan

Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu

Maafkanlah oo...
Andai lagu ini mengganggu ruangan hidupmu

Kau senyumlah oo...
Sekadar memori kita di arena ini

Kau ilhamku...
Kau ilhamku...

Wanker in School

I know sick things happen when geeks and freek-a-leeks unite in a co-ed environment. But wanking in a school library?

That's fuckin absurd! Get a room/life/blow up dummy/sibling mofo!

For full journalistic details: Reena catches the wanker red-handed!


Grumpy Bear

Just for Reena, I and A went to investigate at the official carebears website. There's some test to find out which bear you are. Haha. Fuckin cheesy.

You are GRUMPY BEAR. You may be grouchy but you always persevere. You're especially good at helping others deal with their dissapointments and frustrations.
Color: Blue.
Best Friend: Funshine Bear
Relationship Challenge: Good Luck Bear—Grumpy can't stand the way things always go right for Good Luck.


I think it's best to characterize the days events in conversation mode.

Convo 1

Reena: You carebear.
Me: No, I not.
Reena: Yes, you look like one and very grandfatherly.
Me: No, I not. Also, no such thing as black care bear, rainbow no have black colour.
Reena: Yes, you is. You brown care bear.
A: Cannot la, he not big and fat and cuddly so cannot give big hugs.
Me: See? I'm right.
Reena: Hmmph.
A: Actually, I forgot how care bears look like, I go home check let you know again wat I think.
[Isn't she so politically correct?]

This is soo condensed from many many MSN and sms exchanges culminating in her trying to con my very good friend, A this morning into believing it too. Lucky A was more interested in her upcoming wisdom tooth extraction to actually bother to visualize me shooting rainbows from my tummy.

Convo 2

Grandma: So, what happened to that girl you showed me at your birthday party way back?
Me: Gone la. Didn't work out.
Grandma: Huh? Means what? You didnt like her or she was just a friend who accompanied you there or what?
Me: Used to date, didnt work out. *blur look*
Grandma: Get married soon la.
Me: How to? I don't even have a stable salary.
Grandma: You studying now what. Later sure got job then can worry bout salary. Just get hitched first.
Me: *Incredulous look, looking at the Staff Nurse for help*
Staff Nurse: *shrug*
Me: What's the bloody hurry, dont worry these issues all I quite kilat.
Grandma: Just don end up like your last uncle, old like buffalo still no girl.
Me: hur hur hur.

Now picture this entire convo in Tamil, explaining to 70 yr old grans in Tamil the term "didnt work out". Haha, to them, there's no such thing as didnt work out. What the fuck is didnt work out anyway? You like, you fuck, you marry. Oh wait, the order a bit wrong.

But finally discharged though, to all who knew and expressed concern, thank you. They DO take care of old ppl better in SGH. So friendly, summore my grans took like 1/2 hr just to say bye to all her ward mates of which 4 were discharged at the same time. Actually got 5, but she got discharged to heaven the night before. My grans said it was a good farewell party.

Only one bit I don't get, no matter how polite you gotta be when you're saying goodbye, the last thing you want to do at a hospital or funeral is say "Poyittu Varaen" [Bye, i'll be back]. Boosh!

Convo 3

Me: Why are you making Arul [my youngest brudder] tell on his cousin [they were born 4 days apart and in same school/standard]
Mum: Cos, his mum asked me to keep an eye on him.
Me: So, you are encouraging him to be a pao toh kia! He will die I tell you when the other boys in school know.
Mum: He's doing us a favour ok? Not his fault. Anyway the other boy is gettin from bad to worse, mixing with all the Indian boys and being mischievous.
Me: So? He likes indians la. I also do ICS stuff, my brother also do. Just cos, these boys look like anjadi you all wanna stop the fella?
Mum: You don know anything, they are very bad.
Me: Then you 2 clowns [mum n aunt] should have known before sending them to St. Gabs, its as good as a gangsta paradise. You send them there then now wanna control their movements, stupid right? And the cousin, he is a good soccer player also the parents don let him join soccer as a CCA sayin training will waste time n create injuries. WTF!
Mum: Aiyah. We just want to steer him to the right path.
Me: You should let ppl fuck around and do naughty stuff when they're 15 what. If not, they wil do it when they're 18 or 21.
Mum: Same.
Me: Lan jiao same. When ppl 15, they very happy just sit next to girl, rabba rabba or hug hug kiss kiss. You ask them do when they 18, you gonna have an unplanned grandchild standing at your doorstep.
Mum: It's not like that.What do you know about kids nowadays? I know how to raise my children. Not like you were an angel to raise.
Me: *Blood boil*
Me: Then why are we having this conversation. Just don make my brother a pao toh kia. The last fella who was a pao toh kia back in my BMT, didnt have a good nights rest for 2 months and slept with the broom under his blanket.
Mum: Not everybody is as violent as you.
Me: You want to see violent?

Haiz. There goes another broken mantelpiece.


Post Secret 7


Carwash Baby!

Too Free

How do you know when an NSF is too free? When the sun comes up and he's involved in this:

[08:32:44 AM] Solus Deus E: on a monday morning
[08:32:51 AM] Solus Deus E: i was abt to greet shanker
[08:32:56 AM] Solus Deus E: but he beat me to e punch

[08:33:22 AM] Solus Deus E: so sweet la shanker
[08:33:27 AM] i,shanker: ": :D
[08:33:28 AM] i,shanker: ": for u
[08:33:31 AM] i,shanker: ": only for u
[08:33:36 AM] Solus Deus E: love you mani mani
[08:33:40 AM] i,shanker: ": i love u bit bit
[08:33:41 AM] i,shanker: ": ok?
[08:33:42 AM] Rubbish-y.: lol
[08:33:48 AM] i,shanker: ": haw haw
[08:33:55 AM] Rubbish-y.: tsk
[08:33:58 AM] Solus Deus E: hug hug kiss kiss
[08:34:05 AM] Solus Deus E: mUaCkZ
[08:34:06 AM] i,shanker: ": tongue-tied lip lock

[08:35:09 AM] i,shanker: ": you know how glad i am that you don have a blog not..
[08:35:10 AM] i,shanker: ": hahahha.
[08:35:19 AM] i,shanker: ": cos i'm soo gonna cut n paste..ur muackz..bullshit
[08:35:20 AM] i,shanker: ": later
[08:35:21 AM] i,shanker: ": :)
[08:35:25 AM] i,shanker: ": followup of rt's post.
[08:35:44 AM] Solus Deus E: lol

[09:04:09 AM] Solus Deus E: adangkokka makka

[09:07:11 AM] Solus Deus E: Kalasitta po

Enough? Want more? Click HERE.

Nohari san

57% of people agree that ah neh is vulgar
57% of people agree that ah neh is cynical
71% of people think that ah neh is

Nuff said. All 3 also I experienced in just over 90 mins watching Scouse scum battle Trafford Dirt.

To Fergie, go fuck yourself.
To Crouch, glad you the one who scored.
To Smith, jump like monkey summore la.
To Van der Sar, why da you play, I buy MU win/draw cos thought you injured.
To Neville, didcha like the burgers thrown at ya? Thanks for the yellow card though. The payout was 1:3
To Park, when will they ever realize your worth and not play you with 3 mins to go.
To Rafa, ok so like we lom chiam pas and you take FA Cup la, MU take Carling Cup, we take Champs League. Aiggggggggggggggggght?

Like you know, the mark of true champions is graciousness in victory and for their opponents. Which is why when we felt Colchester just couldn't score, we popped one in just for them.

Artistic Revelations

It's an arty farty week. Culminating with some show that apparently peeper say is quite urmz.. shiok la. NOT. Anything in Tamil, NOT done by AJC is just plain sub standard. In aims and in presentation. Nothing personal, but I love my school or ex-school wateva.

But still, it is necessary to attend such things to make sure my Tamil aint as bad as I think it is. Maybe you'd like me to emcee? Pay la, oh yes and make sure makeup, the suit and a romp with the friendly backstage staff is free.

Alas, I need someone to go with. If you're fairly attractive, understand enough Tamil not to bug me for translations through the event and don't mind if I ditch you for some alcohol later that night. Do drop me a mail.

Eh, oh ya. It's NYJC's Puyal '06, held at SP this Saturday at urmz...fuck the timing la. hahaha. Like real indian weddings/shows/movies start on time.


Card from a Fanatic

Letter from a fan(atic). So u see I do have fans.

The Court of Tribulations

I have a street soccer court at my place. It used to be one of those square bits of concrete that ppl did everything from play badminton/sepak takraw/pepsi cola 1 -2- 3 on.

So then they built a nice court right so that the kids from the neighbourhood can play in a "legal" court instead of under the void deck and at the new amphitheatre. The amphitheatre especially, play there we not scared of cops but we scared of the old fogeys who run the RC who love to chong kong our ball. KNN.

Anyway, so it was built with fibreglass boards and all. A basic 4 walled court with netting for the goalposts. Needless to say, the users always found ways to fuck up the sights. Vandalize the boards, even break it cos it was too much of a hassle to jump over it to get into the courts. The netting was gone in 2 days flat. Prolly someone liked it better than us and brought it home to sieve his marble collection with.

So, in a few years, the court got upgraded a coupla times. Fibreglass made way for concrete walls. Fences were erected around the court to keep the ball in. Even raised a while later cos we still managed to inevitably either a 4 yr old child or a 400 yr old ah soh who occupy the children's playground right behind it.

Then the pivotal point. One fine day, after a street soccer tourney held there, we the scruffians, managed to lobby the MP into promising to install floodlights so we can play all the way till the legal time of 10.Or was it 1030? 1100? Ah fuck la, rules are always different depending on whether u break em via soccer/basketball/mahjong/dreadful karaoke-ing.

So the lights went up. 4 of them. And we were glad, very glad. Finally we could play at nights which was good cos then everyone is done with school and work, come work up a 30 goal sweat and go back sleep.

Now comes the utter disgrace that is the mofo MP and the Town Council who have jurisdiction over this area. See, we didnt choose the location of the court. The "Esteemed" and "Professional" planners/architects did. We didnt say put it smack in the middle of 4 blocks such that every time the ball rattles the cage, it reverberates to ur living rooms. We can't keep quiet when we play. How the hell do u mime "Poda Pundai" anyway? Teach us and we'll try it out.

So there, now on any given day, multiple complaints go to the Police compraining that we is making too much noise at night. So their babies can't sleep, their elderly get frightened and die of shock, and the yuppies feel it interferes with their primetime tv serials. The record was 90 on a cold day last June.

Now, the mofo MP, says hokay, I is friend to the 'peeper' and graciously decided to compromise and switches the lights off at 830 everyday! Wait I don get it? You put up 4 mudderfucking good quality floodlights only to switch it on at 7 and switch it off at 830. I don want to comprain, certain things we work around. Cos we aint gonna stop playing, we will, till the cops come get us that is. But why? Why is the basketball court which is also embedded within 4 blocks not subject to such scrutiny? Basketball is a quiet sport? Or is it like a coupla tamilehs and melayus smokin and sweating is much more "dangerous" than a bunch of manjens doing the same thing?

Story havent end. As if to rub salt into already seething wounds. The mofos went one up on electricity conservation and fuckin switch on only 2 of the 4 available lights. This is really boiling point liao ma. KNN comprain to MP, nothing. Write letter to Town Council, nothing. Threaten to burn some sacrificial lamb alive to protest these atrocities, nothing.

You tell me. Now do what? KNN, soccer also cannot play. N they wonder why we're slowly but surely becoming a fatter society. I hear TAF club enrolments are on an all time high. The eediyot gahmen also think we stupid, TAF is just FAT spelled backwards ma. Still bruff us say Trim And Fit. Gosh!

Buay tahan must say again:

Kanina Buay Chao Cheebai!!!!!!!!!
On the FUCKING lights la!!!!!!!!!!
Election comin!!!!!!!!!


Have i mentioned? I stay in Ang Mo Kio? Stronghold of PAP power? The Prime Minister's Dragon Lair?

Election or no election. Sure no light. No need to bribe us with floodlights, there isnt even gonna be a chance to vote.

Nohari san time

First Johari, then Nohari. Haiz, kam lan KLKs and I one more goondu also tryin it out. Boosh.

So here goes, the antonym, the anti thesis of the whole what good qualities you have.

Click here: Nohari Window.

Don't do the usual predictable thing, like I know i'm a cynical, obnoxious bastard already. I don't need statistics on it. Surprise me, pick something you think I don't know.


P.S. I am on the look out for pool tourneys, if you know of one happening near you, gimme a shout.


Johari-San Says

Aight, I think this is enough for the entire Johari episode. Just showed me how the world got smaller and smaller, what with the ruckus I started in the afternoon ending up with the same link coming back to me from a friend in NZ.

I refuse to put up the Nohari window thing cos of obvious reasons. All bad traits inevitable trace themselves back to me. Haiz. To try that out however, you can always follow the link from aarthi's page.



(known to self and others)

clever, dependable, extroverted, intelligent, trustworthy, witty

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, adaptable, bold, brave, caring, cheerful, complex, confident, dignified, energetic, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, knowledgable, logical, loving, mature, observant, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, silly, spontaneous, warm


(known only to self)


(known to nobody)

accepting, calm, giving, introverted, kind, modest, nervous, religious, sentimental, shy, sympathetic, tense, wise

All Percentages

able (5%) accepting (0%) adaptable (16%) bold (37%) brave (2%) calm (0%) caring (5%) cheerful (8%) clever (8%) complex (8%) confident (37%) dependable (8%) dignified (2%) energetic (10%) extroverted (32%) friendly (18%) giving (0%) happy (2%) helpful (8%) idealistic (16%) independent (18%) ingenious (5%) intelligent (43%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgable (16%) logical (16%) loving (2%) mature (10%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (16%) organised (2%) patient (2%) powerful (2%) proud (10%) quiet (2%) reflective (5%) relaxed (24%) religious (0%) responsive (8%) searching (2%) self-assertive (8%) self-conscious (5%) sensible (2%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (13%) spontaneous (27%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (10%) warm (5%) wise (0%) witty (45%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 18.2.2006, using data from 37 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view ah neh's full data.


Post Secret 6

Post Valentine's

Note to self: When you want to highlight everything, don't bother using the keyboard and arrow keys to do it. Jus do a Ctrl-A or use your mouse. Lest your entire entry just dissapears and no amount of searching for the undo button can help your sorry ass.

Ah, Valentines is over yeah? Hope you had a good time.
For the naysayers, who claim its too commercial, just another day in the year and so on and so forth. I will be watching when your birthday/Xmas/New Years comes next.

I was dateless as usual, not like very sad also. Haw Haw Haw. But now and then , something pops up to really brighten your day.

To the real topic now, if you've taken a course in interpersonal communications or your general knowledge is just damn good, you'd have heard of the Johari Window. A 4 way indication of yourself as a person and whether what you think you are is actually what you project.

As a personal project of self realization, do help me with mine.

Ah Neh's Johari Window.

When you're done, you can start your own one and get ur mates to fill it up. I'm letting it run for a week and then publishing the results here. So thanks a lot.

Oh yes, anonymous blokes and geezers, please dont abuse it. Only need people who have had contact with me to do it. Much appreciated.


Skin Tight

Aight, the new skin is up. I can only do so much to please all. I prefer wide open spaces. And no, I don't need anymore suggestions other than those I want to come up with, thank you very much.

Much much love and credit to Reena and Chitra who have taken time off to wade thru the sea of tags which I don't understand one bit.

Hence, the publicity:
Reena can be accessed through here The Strayed Ends of Insanity.
Her plugboard which is a new invention of the blog-age I guess is thru here Reena's Plugboard.
Feel free to "Plug" her.

Also, comments are available now. They will be moderated. So, if you smart jus use the tag board, cos anything goes. No censorship even. =)

If you see the need or desire, to use materials from my page, i.e. those gold embossed words of mine, do use the Permalink instead of cutting and pasting. Much appreciated.

Another call for contributors to KLK, KLK is going legal btw, our team of legal experts [you know the ones in Ali G's movie], over beer and weed have ascertained that the act of sedition is NOT being broken here. So feel free to email me your resume.



Overheard in NTU

I so forgot to put this in, but yes, Overheard in NTU:

One fine day in sunny old NTU, teacher walks in on the day of the quiz.

Hemsem boy puts up his hand, "Teacher, this test can open book or not?"
Teacher says "No can do, this is a quiz, how to let you refer to the book and tutorials"
Hemsem boy, "Teacher, you know we're gonna copy so you let us open book we do it undercover, if not, don't blame us when you see us copying"
Teacher "Haiz, ok la ok la, open book la"

And the moral of the story is: Ask and ye shall receive.

For more Overheard and stuff, check out Overheard in Singapore

Cheater Bug

It's week 7 of the year. I know. Doesn't seem so right what with the many public holidays we've already had. But it's week 7 of school too. I.e. the week where all the quizzes flood in, and the week before recess.

And when quizzes come about, there comes the usual NTU bullshit that's thrown at us. For further background, click here: LINK.

But then again, when you are already 22 and gone thru 80% of the bullshit that can ever be thrown at you a.k.a. SAF, you tend to find ways to get around the problem instead of waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

By far, we are a unhappy lot. Unhappy with the chicks in school, the China tutors, the drony lecturers, the size of the campus and of course the rude economy rice auntie. But what we're fucking happy bout, is the way we lie,cheat steal [Eddie Guerrero's legacy] through our quizzes and exams.

Things are no more like before. In primary school and secondary school, well even college; teachers take great pains to ensure we dont cheat in our class tests. Tables get shifted la, the teacher does a mini 2.4 click route march through the winding maze of tables la, and squint their owl like eyes on all the tiny teeny boppers hoping to catch the next Guerrero in action.

But in uni, damn, suddenly its fucking laid back. Even mathematical based subjects have MCQ tests. We sit beside each other like as close as you would in the MRT. How to not cheat tell me? You gotta have the self control of friggin Mother Teresa to take this on. Pictorially this is how it is:

Primary School/Secondary School/College


Notice how the chick is not figuring out "How to copy" but instead also cooperatively solving the problem together with the boy. Ah, gotong royong.

But this phenomenon not only exists in quizzes, of which we get conned that its gonna form a significant part of our final grades. I know for sure its a con job, heck i sat for 3 quizzes of soil mechanics last sem, did Ok-OK in them, answered all the questions in the final paper, i know most of it was wrong anyway, but still walked out with an F. How is it possible? Mathematically, cannot u know.

Although, in exams, in those giant rooms of rows and rows of earnest Indonesians/Malaysians/China- Chinese/Uuru-Indians writing dilligently till the last bell tolls while the Singaporeans look up at the ceiling and think "How the hell did those footprints get there?", this is not a valid cheating technique.

You might not see this:

But you sure as well, know there are "bits" lyin in pencil cases, calculator covers, toilet rolls and even the tried and tested write on ur hands/palms/chest(?)/legs....anywhere where a freakin formula can be scribbled on.

Yes, this practice IS prevalent. But I shall be honest, I don't cheat in exams, of course quizzes must la, if not you'll look "uncool" you see.

I shall just stick with takin an MC the next time I walk in through the big arches and just KNOW i'm gonna fuck it up.



I'm uncool

Ah Neh is taking a short break. This is to focus needed resources i.e. time and cigarettes, to needy sources such as KLK and the Shop [fuckin creative right the name].

Also, I am very depressed that (Ra?)(Sa?)(Ka?)minder/KLKlinder has questioned my "coolness" and I quote if you are too lazy to do another left click and wait:
"Minder - hi. i think you're trying to sound way cooler than you are. and your grammar is quite terrible. have a nice day "
As much as I'm seething in anger like one hair in my armpit suddenly popped out of the crevice and went "KNN, WTF, le ho sei boh?" , I've instead decided to leave the minders and the pinders and the vinders alone and go after the cock suckers.

See, these are a special breed, the kind that just sit back play with their gonads, jus scouting, preying, HOPING that someone says what they would have thought of saying, yeah right, like in the deep recesses of your abyssmal mind?

And then they comment. And it always starts the same, get with the program la.

Creativity my friend.

Typical examples:

1. Oh ya! He/She is .........
2.You're absolutely right! Yada Yada Yada
3. OMG, how i wish I had your dick in my mouth and your balls in my hands so you could show me the "money shot" just the way I like it baby. Yum! And urmz..oh ya..nice comment.

You get the picture. Get off the fuckin bandwagon la.

The entire contents of this post were thoroughly checked via spellchecker, thesaurus, and the list of antonyms provided by Webster.
It has been shown that there are an average of 3 grammatical errors every 1 line.
The editor unfortunately is too cool for you, to stop to think bout what the fuck's soo nice bout the day anyway.



Lifts and Me

Like most of us live in a HDB flat anyway right, I mean not everyone has a huge house shared with a dog or pesky neighbours [Everitt Rd scandal], or are in a penthouse condo with a view of Marina Bay and beyond. Alas, no naked sunbathing allowed in Singapore too.

But, on recent calls by the Workers' Party in scrapping the racial quota for flats and all, I think its high time we review the one place in whole block of flats that everyone save those who stay in the 2nd and 3rd floors culminate at. The ubiquitous lift.

Otherwise known as elevator in the American sense of the word, and boy have I seen a lot of elevator sex vids in those days [I highly recommend Asia Carrera]. Tons of gripes and grouses about our lifts though the mechanical workhorses do have a never ending day and night and suffer the most injustice any human being would be loath to handle.

1. Dog Pee
Everyone knows that puddle of liquid. Some calm themselves by sayin someone dropped a packet of drink or that condensation of the cold air brought it about. But no mistaking it, it's dog pee.
We step over it, stand on tiptoes, do the whole Twister routine just to avoid getting some on our Body Shop scrubbed soles and unwittingly being accidental sinners in spreading the 7th floor neighbours' Jack Russell's pee from Ang Mo Kio to Boon Lay.

2.Chewing Gum
Just cos of what gum can do to lifts, I'm glad it was banned. Fuckin pesky teenagers sticking them on doors is one thing, but sticking them onto the floor buttons? Now, that's plain rude.
You know how it is, you press DC and wait, not knowing if the lift is moving or not cos your lift don't have the see thru window and its all opaque, after ten mins you get impatient. You press your floor button like a fervent arcade player and booosh! The door opens. Still at Level 1! KNNBCCB!

3. The neighbours
Of course, of all inconveniences we encounter in that sad cubicle we are most pissed of with the humans of course. If anyone can fuck up a simple 20 second trip down 5 floors in a 4 by 4 walled box, has to be the humanoids.

First, there are the all-knowing [or wanting to know] aunties. The ones who ask you the same goddamn questions day after day after day after day. Eat already? Never go school/work? Where your mother?

Then, come the yuppies who give you the once over look. Top to bottom, analyzing, stereotyping, frowning, sneering bastardos. Who just don't get it, yes, I look like a crook, but you do live in the same size house as me. So we're both poor anyway.
Is it really a crime to walk around shirtless? Haha, to coffeeshop only what or to go down check letter box. KNN ppl at basketball court all can be shirtless and swagger around and I can't do it in my own lift?

Every block has one of these. The old man who insists on sharing with you what colour his phlegm is that day. Like its as if when he's gathering it and retching his throat,he expects you to throw out a bet. Yellow? Green? Ah,today u drink water right..so must be White?
And old men have perfected this art. The art of holding one nostril shut and shooting out a pristine stream of mucus with the other one. Their aim is soo good I tell you. So, when it advertently lands on your Hawaianas, just know, they meant it to happen. IT means you've been a bad bad boy.

Now, a tip for the non-residents of my block. See, in my block due to years of living with each other we practically know which floor and which house each person belongs to, so if at anytime more than 2 ppl enter the lift, it's quite common that we press 6 and 11 together. Or, if there's only one other person 9 times out of 10 we do get the floor right. This is for convenience and prevents useless small talk especially when you've had a bad day and you'd rather scream at your missus than the poor old autistic kid on the 6th floor.

But then these darn visitors, agents, delivery men, postmen come along. These mofos either TRY and emulate our system and get it horribly wrong. Cos both of us get out on te 6th floor. There's a guy waiting to go down but now can't cos the lift HAS to go up since 11 was pressed anwyay. Also, the sheer rudeness of the visitors, at my place..we hold the lift even if its an ambling elderly from the end of the corridor. Cos we're nice. Also cos we expect them to do the same. I tell you, the last thing you'd need to spoil your day is to see some mofo go in press DC and then keep eye contact with you as the door closes instead of just reaching out and pressing DO. Mudderfucker right?

After all this ranting though, it's really a good idea that upgraded lifts do stop at every floor cos then you got no choice do you but ask the rest what floor they're at. Multi-racialism, and diversity and gotong royong aside, at least this helps you find out which floor that farker who always stare you stays at so that his Doc Martens can be conveniently "shopped" in future.



Gold Digger

Kanye West - Gold Digger nominated for Song of the Year.

I've never called a hiphop artist brilliant, but he is. Cos, he wasnt an artiste turned producer, he was a producer turned artiste.
A political animal he is and he doesn't got to do it P.Diddy's way of schmoozing Washington and George Bush's ass.

Post secret 5

Chelsea the Kings

First things first. I is a Chelski fan. Not Post-Abrahamovich Chelsea but Chelsea FC from the days of Brian Laudrup and Zola. Yes, I admit I used to be an ardent Man Yoo fan, but that was the old days when Bruce, Ince, Pallister still ruled the roost. Since the new pretty boys arrived, I have since been cleansed of the devil.

I would like to thank my personal computer first. If she didnt get her PMS anxiety attacks yesterday, forcing me to shut down and let her cool off on her own, whimpering in the corner. I might not have caught the great match on telly. Ok, I did bet on it and would have watched it anyway. On second thoughts, it's the digital age man, download ESPN's virtual scoreboard onto ur desktop and you would have a realistic play by play view of the match too without squinting at the goggle box the way Gerard does.

Of the entire fuckface Liverpool team last night, of which I really cannot stand those 2 Aryan losers called Hyppia and Riise, Gerard was truly the man. Captain Courageous. Even 2 goals down and he refuses to call it quits when you could obviously see the tired legs and lethargic movements of even the most robust stalwarts. Dudek got his call up, high time mofo Rafa! Who the hell is Reina? And look what he did. What kinda keeper brings the striker ALL the way to the corner flag only to hack him down. Just cover the angles and tackle normally la, stick your foot in, maximum you gonna kena is a corner what. Which u will defend abysmally, leading to the 1st goal by Gallas, the Afrikaan workhorse.

If you watch Goodness Gracious ME, the portion where the dad is enthralled with all things 'Indian', this is the part where he goes:
"Gallas, Makalele, you know what? Indian!"

Alas, like it's not enough we have a fuckwit blondie linesman on the far side of the pitch, Crespo still manages to swing a perfect volley squeezing it past post and keeper. And please Scousers, don't even start with Robben's theatrical falling down. This is the Premier League, millions of dollars run on a match [of which a coupla hundred is mine], referees get abused, coaches get the red card, Joe Cole dates a porn star, and you expect a PROFESSIONAL player not to do the PROFESSIONAL thing which is to ensure his club wins at all costs?

Arjen Robben's loyalty should not be to the beautiful game but to the damn club that signs his multi million dollar paycheck. If i was there, I'd have held my face AND my balls.

With any luck, Reina does get the 3 match ban and hopefully Dudek gets back in it. If there's any way for Liverpool to get back into the top notch footy they ought to be playing, he is the man they need between the posts.

Oh yes, did I hear Ferguson say after their win at Fulham that he is not giving up on the title yet? That he's only 12 points away now? Do I need to say more. Let the pictures of the champs do the talking.

"Come fly with me" - Ever wondered how come Emirates is sponsoring the referees kits now but used to be Chelsea's sponsors?

See the Indian defyin the laws of Physics.

And the beautiful goal, where's the ball, where's the keeper?

We "tear"ed your LampaR (d).


Starhub conundrum

Aight, some of you might have experienced problems getting here, much to my chagrin. It can range from a 403 error saying you are not allowed to view the site or a simple "forbidden access" screen.

Do not wory, all you KLK empathizers. The MSD,ISD and CID are not screening you for satisfying your much needed craving for literary diarrhoea.

It's some Starhub cockup that kinda is doing their whole selective website banning thang. Obviously, their filters need some tweaking. Already mailed them, jus refresh till you get the page loaded or come again another time.


9/11 mysteries

You know how like when Abraham Lincoln was shot and when Martin Luther king was assassinated or when JFK got popped, all the similarities between the murderer and the murdered cropped up?

Like numerologically how their names matched up, how the date it occurred is significant. How many siblings or mistresses both of them had. The list goes on and on. Found this snippet bout 9/11, I shall leave out the numbers portion cos it bored even me. But, the rest sounds alright. Finally a chain mail that was worth reading.

1. The most recognised symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

2. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers . Change the font to WINGDINGS and kinda just make it big enuf to see la.

3. The tragedy of the Madrid bombings occurred exactly 911 days after the New York one.

I got this fuckin pain in my right eye. My mother said cos I see too much women. Then I said, see girls is with 2 eyes what only one eye got pain. She said, you always see without being seen what, so u see with corner of ur eye then kena strain la. Must be the girl ugly, that's why eye infected alreadi.

How la like that. Sad.



Looking for contributors for the inaugural Keling Killah webbie. Put your vile words to file.

Also, watch this space for details on the also-inaugural [what a great word this is, puts a spin on any dumb event] Keling Kup.


Pam and Boobs

I know this fascination with big boobs and all. I myself am more of an ASS man, sheesh I go overboard with it sometimes. But whenever "the twins" come out to play is still pure bliss. And a pioneer boob model and masturbation subject from the olden days when she first burst into the scene as the Labatt's beer girl and also when she smooched Shawn Michaels at Royal Rumble has to be dear old Pamela Anderson.

I say old, cos, well, ahem just check out the wrinkles my friends. Obviously, all her cosmetics goes to her tits such that she can't even afford Botox no more. Alas, the budget on buying a right sized bra has also dimmed her wit.


But then again, with all the fascination on huge ass tits, this is a bit overboard la. I'm sure this chick got hers courtesy of an early V-day present from sex starved hubby of hers.


Going on an off road here, but with regards to women affected by breast cancer or maybe those involved in unfortunate accidents. Does losing one's breasts actually make one feel 'less' of a woman?

Like I know, if a man had a situation where he had to lose his testicles, no way jose he's be going to tell that to the world. Even his best buddies probably won't know till the day he drops dead and the undertaker is done with him. But is it the same for women? Men definitely value their crown jewels more I think. And for a woman, well having tits can be a boon and bane [too large, too small]. So, they don need it as a status of their feminity. There're loads of other aspects of themselves that proves they're of the female gender.

Well, maybe men are just too caught up in the whole, king-of-the-jungle, "if i've lost ma balls then I can't spread my seed" hooballa. Which is prolly why just watching a guy get kicked in the balls on TV makes us cringe.

Is that the case? I don't know. Enlighten me.


Post secret 4



If you've never watched a torture scene and I don't mean dumb witted ones that you can sit through and just have a good laugh at, watch Syriana.

The pulling out of the nails, the senseless punches to Clooney. It made me squirm and its classic.

You know how for men, like even if they see other men even on TV get kicked in the balls, we feel the same pain? Watch the torture scene, come like one half hours into the film but its fantastic.

All Hail Hezbollah, masters of torture. Amazingly enough, the film has nothing to do with radical Muslim fanatics but back-room oil company scandals.


And time flies

This Chinese New Year break is so goddamn unexpected. the craziest things have happened. Hmmm, I'll do a day by day update later. Snooze and cruise now.