30.7.06

Click Now

I found a few interesting links and I will post the rest up from time to time.
It's free, no fear of virus and maybe can even earn some dough just for a coupla clicks. Think about it. :)

Click any bullet to be transported there.


Adieu!

Luo Han

Maybe, the whole brouhaha bout Luo Hans being able to pick 4D numbers, and are good for feng shui wasn't so overhyped after all.

No, I didn't strike this weekend nor experience a flood of good wealth. But, I am now convinced that Luo Han in particular possess some kinda 6th sense. They just know what is going around in their surroundings and their human masters by giving that same blurred up swimming round the tank cock face. Sidling up to the glass, I think they put their non-visible ears to good use. Remember all those detective movies, where the CID bloke, puts a glass to the wall to eavesdrop clearly?

Scene 1

One of my guys has this huge ass luo han in his office. He is on the 5th floor. He's those kinda mofo who buys 4D but only checks it a month later. I'm the type that refreshes the webpage from 630pm onward on draw days to get the first glimpse. So, one fine day he tells me at the smoking point that he has struck a starter prize. I ask for my treat. I get it. His colleagues ask for their treat. They got it. His wife asked for her treat. She got it. Everyone cept the fish.

The next day, the pump in the fish tank broke down. We have since decided that the aquatic psychic is also asking for it's treat. So, a new pump was bought. And we don't expect it to break down again, at least till the next time he strikes.

Scene 2

My neighbour managed to procure a big ass fish tank. This is really really big ass. So much so, that I asked him if Underwater World was closing down and he got it off a cheap clearance sale. So, the tank sat outside his house for a full week. Waiting to be cleaned. He kept procastinating. Wednesday became Friday (went drinking) became Saturday (went drinking) became Sunday.

It HAD to be Sunday. The water pump broke down in the original fish tank on Saturday night. We could wait. The fish couldn't! Thus, the 6th sense theory is reaffirmed.



Now, I can figure why my mum freaked when my luo han died. See, I used to own 3. We named them Lazy Bones (me), Rage (my middle brother, the name says it all) and Plue (some lame ass anime doggie from a popular series at that time). So, yeah, 3 brothers. 3 fish.


And each one of us really sayanged their respective fish. ONLY their respective fish. Rage kept butting heads on his partitions always looking for a fight. Plue being fuckin small, managed to accidentally swim into Rage's column from time to time and had to be saved by his 'master' Arul. Lazy Bones couldn't give a fuck to anything. He wouldn't even work hard for food. He's the kinda lazy mofo who will wait for the food pellets to be water logged and sink to the bottom rather than swim to the surface to get them.

And so time went on, till one day. My mum found Lazy Bones dead. He had unwittingly stuck himself between the filter pump and the wall and was too lazy to wriggle the fuck outa the way. He died. I was out that night. Another drunken binge. Imagine my horror when my mum calls me 40 over times trying to get me. And when she did, she insisted I return home immediately claiming that since each fish was "linked" to each of her sons, the death of one means somethings gonna happen to me.

I didn't go home though. Neither did I die. But, the next time this happens, I'm definitely on the next cab home. Sometimes, coincidences are just not coincidences.

Adieu!

Last Day

It's the last day of the week. Heralding the end of July. July was the most fucked up month I have ever experienced in my lifetime. A whole lotta shit coupled with a whole lotta good endings towards the end.

In a way, I'm glad the shit happened. Just three phrases that I borrow from an incessantly drunk man I know.

"It's all in the game."
"There's no 2 ways about it"
"You, pack of balls"

Also, lessons I've learnt this month include:

"Don't show hand signals when you're dancing"
"Put your bag in the locker"
"Sir, is that a camera phone?"

I wanted to write and write and write. But Arch sent me 3 episodes of Entourage, a HBO production of sex and sex and yeah, there is a storyline somewhere but yeah, the sex overrules most of it. And I have to watch it to appease him. Bleach episode 90 awaits me too. So does Nacho Libre and Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift. You get the drift?

I was very happy with yesterday in general. I managed to drum it into (or attempted to since you can never guage delusional people), that I am displeased with her airy diva delusional maniacal behaviour. That, ha-ha-hee-hee doesn't constitute friend. I believe "A friend in need is a friend indeed" applies here.

I hold grudges. I don't run away from that truth. And I can hold it for very long too. Till it is equalized. I.e. I have given back to you what you've given me, in equal proportions.

But the good part is, once I'm done equalizing and spreading the reverse Karma effect, I'm cool with it. You won't hear a word on the alleged subject from me.

Sambal chicken fried rice and Hot plate tofu is a good combi. Especially when you have Tiger to wash it all down. Thanks for letting me drink. Haha. At least, I didn't "change my mind". Oops, sorry inside joke. Ah, what the heck, I'll let you in on it. The SMS convo:

V: The guys are at Notti 9. You can join up with them first, I come later.
Me: Nah, I at Bishan just finished dinner. Feel damn tired. I changed my mind. I'm going back home.
V:Ok, let me know if you change your mind again.

Boosh! Is it that it is already common knowledge that the prospect of good music and alcohol wipes away my tiredness in a jiffy. Is it also common knowledge that I don't mind hitting the club at 2 just for it to close at 3 just for my weekend intake quota to be fulfilled?

Well, it's not gonna be anymore. [I hope]


Finally, because of something niggling within my mind for the past week spurred by Rita's curiosity. I have decided to research on what the hell all the ingredients of our Indian Muslim Rojak are. You know... those colourful balls, the fish cake done in 4 different ways, the tauhu, the kentangs, the sausage . Rojak, believe it or not, is an authentic SINGAPOREAN creation. Created way back in the 50s by the creative hawkers at Waterloo Street.

It's my last week at work. With still 2 days of leave intact. Yum!

Adieu!

P.S. As I'm banned from dissing Ms. Vasantham finalists on my blog, due corporate and ethical reasons, click HERE for the diss on KLKillahs.

P.P.S. I am actively looking for a 21 year old, hottie called Jamie Joseph. Middle name Rachal. Any helps?

Call Center

I feel very tired. Solid Friday night's rest, apart from that dream about getting mauled and eaten alive by 3 lions and 2 tigers, yet I feel so shack.

Muscles pain. Where is my sevetha kutti?

Anyhow, enjoy this 12 minute clip on a hilarious little dig at the outsourcing of call center operations to India.

Click HERE.

Adieu!

Did I forget to mention I'm in tonight too. Quick, buy the lottery!

28.7.06

Naruto Test

naruto
Which Naruto Character Are You?
Test by naruto - kun.com


Yes, I took an Anime character test. So what? Fuck all you non-anime fans. And Hyuuga Neji has one of the best powers around. Plus he's one arrogant mofo. I like!

,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator


Cold War Bridge

I've found a bridge.

Built over a river. Uniting 2 states created during the Post-WWII era. Built over 6 years. Costing 500 million Euros. About a kilometre long. ,

Would you think it looked like this?



Joining the former East and West Germany, over the River Elbe as part of the unification project. In the city of Magdeburg, near Berlin.

Flatulent Friday

I is very very happy. I know I was missing for two days, and I apologize. It's something called "damn fucking tired after work and 2 cans of beer" syndrome. Yes, I have become one of those uncles at the coffeeshop who believe in the mandatory "take a can to sleep" person. Call it what you wanna call it, I'm a fuckin alcoholic.

It's a Friday. Yey! Every Friday feels good. Whether you are working on Saturday or you gotta do OT today, every Friday feels good. I think its the F in friday. Just forming it with ur vocal chords releases some happy hormone, cruising through your bloodstream. Waking up every individual healthy, sleeping and cancerous cell you might possess.

Oh yes, I got my blood taken in the morning. To do a 2 prong, HIV and liver test. Nothing wrong with me though. I just felt that if some bloke can tell you, the alcohol you consumed and that broad you shagged recently is gonna kill you, you might as well get the test done free. Instead of paying a minimum of $150 at your GP to get the bare basic full body checkup.

I also went shopping. See, every year, we get like some kinda imaginary credit to go shopping with. Alas, only uniforms and other accessories. But damn, the smell of new leather shoes is too shiok to resist. And, since the blue had already washed off a coupla my shirts, I decided to get

1 pair leather shoes
1 pair sandals
2 shirts
2 pants
3 white socks
2 black socks
2 name tags
2 more name tags [with my brothers name emblazoned on it, just for fun]
2 PT shorts
5 PT shirts [yes, these tees can be used for many stuff. Including an inner shirt for those "layered" days]
1 Swiss Army Knife

Total cost: Around 150++ credits
Total cost on pocket: $0 SGD.

Now, that's shopping! Also, since the lady at the shop lives in my block. In the same column of flats as me, except on a higher floor, she is gonna deliver the nametags to my house personally. This is cos they take 2 weeks to make. I am in fuckin ORD mood. Then again, I ORD twice a year. Still, your last day at work is always anticipated with great glee.

Did I happen to mention that the P-man figuratively shot me with a water gun but I've responded with my water plasma cannon?

He is now under 6 months of probation, to pull up his socks and buck the fuck up. If not, my boss is "letting him go" with "great regret". Cue: One of those "we regret to inform you that...." kinda professional letters arriving. Not entirely coincidental, but there have been others enquiring about his job, promoting themselves to my boss saying they would love to work there and under my boss. My boss has a solid rep throughout the country and I'm glad he's my new godfather. I would still like to take full credit for all the "professional" anxieties the motherfucker is facing now. Not that he didn't manage to piss me off on Thurs and today.

Thursday:

It was 530. The fucker had been sitting at his computer terminal tapping away since 8 in the morning. Acting like a good child. Thinking I didn't know that when I had stepped out for a tea break my boss had taken the opportunity to fuck him up big big time. This is when he let him know about the probationary period. So, the fucker sat until 5 in the evening. My boss had left at 1 for an event, so it was only me and him. Needless to say, I stayed out of the office most of the time.

At 5, he wakes up. I hear my email ring. I see something sent out by him. Lemme get this straight, you tap away from 8 to 5 and you send out one puny email that even my younger brother could have dictated to you in 2 mins flat? You must be fuckin joking. Blood boil liao.

At 530 he returns. I'm waiting for Clement cos he stays next to me and said he'd send me back. I bother to wait cos its pouring outside. And no, I don't fancy "swwwwwwwinging in the rain" today. Fucker comes to me and speaks his first words for almost 3 weeks:

P-man: What time are you leaving Sir?
Me: Later, maybe bout 6. You go first.
P-man: Errrrm, cos I need to rush off now.
Me: Go la, who's stopping you?
P-man: Urmz, cos need to lock the office up when we leave?
Me: Why? Anything here to steal meh? Your waterbottle ah? KNN outside already got security system what. Who gonna come here?
P-man: But still need to...why don't I leave my key with you then you lock and go?
Me: You gimme your key, but morning I come later than you. Then how you gonna come in? Don't make trouble la, just go home.
P-man: But need to lock!
[take out phone sms boss "Sir, i wanna leave the door unlocked. Any issues?".]
[ Reply: "OK"]
[show message and reply to motherfucker]
P-man: Oh, but still need to lock. That is the procedure.
Me: Are you gonna fuck off or not?
P-man: [takes out key from his keyring, places on my table] Please lock and go Sir. Ok bye.
Me: Grunt!
[leave the key at the exact same spot where he left it. Wake up. Go down for a beer to wait for Clement leaving the door UNLOCKED]

Friday:

Today la. ML is on 1/2 day off cos he went over yesterday to another place to help them do some shit work. i.e. carry things, put down things. In my workplace, manpower and labour is always "tai-chied" to the lower ones. Poor thing la he but at least get the off ma. Again, good boss! My boss also got something on in the afternoon, some meeting or the other. The entire level also won't be around. They got some cohesion day bullshit. Just an excuse to go bowling on a Friday la. So, this is a virtual nightmare. Me and the P-man, alone in the entire level. NEVVVVVVVVER!!! I cleared half day leave.

So, just before I left. I talked to my boss bout next week and how I'll only be working 3 days out of 5. Reconfirmed that me and him are going drinking next Friday. Also, did another "good deed" of "intiative" by repairing the light motion sensor in the office. And went around shouting "ORD lohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" even to people I didn't know.

I came back and ML was packing to leave. P-man knew he was the only one gonna be left so he had a sulky face. The "why i must work when others don't" face. Fuck him la! NNBCCB! Then he started asking pointedly insane questions. An example is the final showdown of the week, I'd like to do one better next week though. Here goes:

P-man: Urmz, ML what are all these?
ML: Oh, these are metal stands, I took it from that place cos that other fella needed it, now don't need it, so keep in our office first.
ME: [stupid question piqued my interest, dropped what I was doing to listen]
P-man: Oh, then can you arrange to return it?
ML: Yeah, returning on Monday.
P-man: Actually, who asked to borrow it?
Me: He fucking told you just now already right?
P-man: Oh, yes. So, can you give a call to them saying you want to return it on Monday?
ML: No need to call la, just go and give. So leceh.
P-man: No you must. To give them a headsup blah blah blah.
Me: Eh, fuck you understand. He already said he giving on Monday right. And I know those people, don't need to call like an amateur all. Anyway why you poking your nose in this now? What is your issue with these stands?
P-man: [After an elongated silence] They're an eyesore.
Me: One more motherfucking time you try and stir something stupid cos you feel your bloody eyes can't handle it. You look away. Not disturb ML.
P-man: How can you talk to me like that?
Me: [pick up the phone, dial Boss, say "Eh sir ah, this P man not happy the stands are here. Shall I ask him to carry them back to *** during lunchtime or in the afternoon?]
[Boss: Yes, make him do that.]
Me: Nah, talk to Boss.
P-man: But but but Sir...I got back pain. I this I that. I medical, I can't carry.
Me: [from the background] Oh Sir, I get for him one trolley no problem. Then noneed carry, just walk along pushing only.
[Boss: Yes, P-man, do that. Ciao.]

Is it I and ML happily skipped out of office? He happy cos he got 1/2 day, his very first. I happy cos my cannon has blasted and I get to bring my shopping goodies back home?

Ah, what a good day I think it's gonna be. I shall go temple later to offer thanks. The birth of the week has somewhat turned my luck around, in more ways than one.

Adieu!

Bikini Brazil

There was a beauty pageant. There were bikinis. Something seashelly and fishy bout the entire Brazilian (wax) theme.

Punchline: Not held at the beach.

12 women showed more flesh than usual, as they strutted their stuff in Brazilian-cut bikinis. They were vying for the title of Miss Reef Bikini. The event was held at the Red Dot Design Museum on Wednesday night.


HeadHunting

A lot of you blokes, call me for a variety of reasons. Most of it of course is to help you get a job. I hope you understand that I myself am hunting for a nice, respectable, night, NO CPF paying job. So, for once, help me. And then, I'll think of helping you.

On the other hand, an interesting job is up for grabs. Be a HeadHunter. Read on:

  • Have passion for being in the 'people business', want to be part of the effort to source for the right talent empowering clients' business growth;
  • Must be resourceful, highly self-motivated, have a never-give-up attitude, be able to work well under pressure and to possess a natural flair to engage and deal with senior professionals;
  • Play a lead role in handling client development and new business development through cold-calling, marketing research, networking etc;
  • Be involved in the search for suitable candidates, which includes their identification, assessment and presentation against client requirements;
  • You should possess a degree in any discipline ideally with at least one year of working experience;
  • Fresh graduates are welcome to apply. Applicants with a strong record in sports or other co-curricular/extra-curricular activities will have a significant advantage;
  • Outstanding consultants can look forward to relocating to work in regional offices within their first year of work commencement;
  • An attractive remuneration package and a comprehensive training program will be offered to the right candidates and you will be assisted by marketing consultants.
More information can be found at http://www.searchasia.com.sg/work4us.asp. Interested candidates, please send a detailed resume Microsoft Word Document format (furnished with a most recent photograph) to Amanda@searchasia.com.sg

25.7.06

Toot Toot Tuesday

I'm sure you want to hear bout my day. I was just listening to either Class 95 or Gold 90 before leaving the office in the evening, at about 545 pm [yes, 15 mins is still OT my friends], and some DJ was blabbering on about how the blog fad is over and how no one wants to hear bout people's day or their ranting and their raving and their general whining about life in general.

I mean come on, is it really over? Sheesh. I thought people LOVED to hear about my day. LOVED to see the multitude of troubles I can seek out in the space of a few days. LOVED to wonder awestruck how just 3 days after payday I am already 80% spended.

Oh well, to hell with the bozo. I is gonna tell you bout my day.

It started out frantic, missing socks! Yes, it's been a helluva long time since I've worn regulation black socks to work. I just can't seem to find it. Yes, I still have $233 of credit to purchase around 40 pairs of those black woollen thingys but heck, I'm too lazy. No, the mart lady is not a neighbour in my block. No, I don't pass by the same mart every goddamn day on the way to breakfast.

So, yeah, my little brother decides to take a leaf out of my book and sleep in. He's got balls that punk. The days were those when he'd carry his humungous bag loaded with mostly useless paraphenelia and make his way even when he was down with a fever. But these days, if he has even a slight bodyache, then its sleeping in that he does. Some call it maturity. I call it, his arrival into Sec 3, the age of all things bad. If you're gonna get spoiled, you might as well get it over and done with in Sec 3. Once you cross this boundary, you're pretty much gonna turn out like a brain fucked musang when you turn out at 21.

I finally found this blue pair, which vaguely looked like my dads. It was screaming blue in colour. Light blue. Against dark blue pants. But what the hell. What the laundry basket gives, we use.

I waltz into work and realize my boss is not going to be in the whole day. So, we go for breakfast and whacked some scrumptious mee rebus. All I did was enquire about the health of one of the auntie's daughter, and I is now branded a auntie tackler. But still poor thing la that woman, apparently her kid has had flu symptoms for over a month and she has already spent 700 over dollars on medical fees both GP and hospitals.

When we get back, I stop by for a smoke and ML calls and sounds breathless. "The P man is in!". I say "Hahahahahhaa. We gonna have a fun day."

I walk in to see him in his civvies. Tapping away at the keyboard. Last evening my boss called ML and enquired about that particular piece of work that the dumb fuck P-man has yet to clear. See, P-motherfucker-man, shot out an email regarding some thing that required 10 over parties to reply. He didn't attach a format to reply with and he went on his 14 day long leave the very next day. This means me, ML, Boss, have had to handle phone calls and reply emails on his behalf all the goddamn time he was gone, without a clue as to what he could have meant in the email cos the BASTARD didn't bother keeping us in the loop.

Last night, my boss replied just one thing. "I'm gonna FUCK him!". ML and me was in hyper-joy mood. So, this morning the prick sits down and reads email and I think to myself, ok, the fucker has learnt his lesson, he's gonna send out the necessary stuff. Time now is 0830 Hours.

I sit and observe him. ML goes jalan jalan. At about 0845H, P man picks up the phone and dials furiously. Thinking its something related to the issue and not wanting to be caught unawares, I pick up the other line and listen in. This was how the conversation went:

P: Hi, Ms. ***, regarding this Open House in September ah... can I check if can bring family members?
***: Nah, only for internal personnnel
P: You mean, nephew and niece also cannot ah, they will stop ah?
***: Yeah la, written clearly right, for internal consumption only!
P: Oh ok, thanks.

So, the MOTHERFUCKER, makes such an urgent phone call to ask if his blood-tie motherfuckers can come attend a free event instead of handling business at hand. My blood is was boiling. I wait on. At 0915H, he logs out. Wakes up. ML walks in. And the mother peh pundei has the bloody cheek to ask ML to send out a mail to remind the 5-6 parties who hadn't replied yet regarding his issue. Wah lan eh! How can like that? Then he left abruptly, stating that he will be back after 530 to do more work. Anything la, please fuck off.

Once he was safely out of the premises. I got on the phone with my Boss, explained that we're still at Square One and that I will help him solve the problem as far as I can. He replied: "Thanks man! I'm gonna FUCK him!". Solid stuff big man.

So, I finished up my high profile paper, writing a paper is such hard work, not cos of the content but cos of the damn formatting. 12 pt fonts la, double space la, tabbing la, paragraphing la, distribution list la, address la, annexes la. KNN! Why can't some bimbo secretary do the necessary for me while I just dictate. Haiz. No point having a rank. It means shit unless you are a MS Word/Excel/Powerpoint expert too.

Did the P man return after office hours?

Did he send out another email of his own, which would mirror what ML and me already sent out earlier on, thus making us look like fools?

Did he realize he didn't get the email me and ML sent out cos his motherfucking mailbox was full?

Did he not KNOW that MS Outlook has an "Out of Office" option and he could actually forward his mail to ML while he was gallivanting during his leave?

Did he realize Boss is gonna fry his ass when he walks in on Thursday?

Did he remember to send out his resumes to the different factories in Yishun Industrial Park, cos he's gonna be out of a job real soon?

Did he? Did he not?


Stay tuned. Adventures of the P Man continues tomorrow. I'll try and update the story at noon if I'm free enough. But nah, my boss is in. I gotta work on my backstabbing a bit more. Face to face coupled with pained exasperating expressions is always better than on the phone and SMS.

Booyakasha!

"Hit you so severe, Your vengeance need not be feared."

CNA cockster

Is it the great Channel NewsAsia finally managed a cock up after years of live operations?

Alkaholik


Call it what you wanna call it.
I'm a fuckin Alkaholik.
Bring it if you really want it.
Ain't gotta put no extras on it.

Questions beget Answers

I stole this off Supernova. But yeah, when my son gets down to the dirty dirty in secondary school, this is exactly what I want him to do:


You need more laughs?

True O Level Answers from the British O level papers:

Some answers from last year's British GCSE exams (16 year olds.)

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.


Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Adieu!

24.7.06

Faith and Science

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new Christian students to stand and.....

Prof: You are a Christian, aren't you, son?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God
good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible
things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the
world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have
you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says
your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.



Question is, Can this ever happen in Singapore?

Or will it be a "You are a really rude boy! Report to the Principal's office NOW!"

Aimless

School starts in 14 days, to the day. Another dreary journey up and down. Another 3 hours to be wasted each day only thru travelling time. Another few months of ranting and raving, quarrelling with librarians, sighting young nubile wide-eyed innocent Year 1 girls who have no fuckin clue what's gonna hit them, having a shot of ice cool vodka in the hot hot sun, of lecture notes and un-attended lectures.

Beer is not such a bad liquid after all. It makes you piss a lot. Tiger, Carlsberg are a bit rough on the edges. Heineken for smoothness but you get your high like next year. Hoegarden puts you in the mood to smooch, and Kilkenny's is so so sweet you might as well be mixing up another ribena while you're at it.

Drink liquor instead. You get your high quick. No incessant burping or pissing. A good shot of anything is guaranteed to burn your throat and thus waking up your idea or waking you up to where you're ACTUALLY at as compared to where you THOUGHT you're at. At the very most, you end up purging and when you're taking a dump it smells of your mixer. Funny bit is, the morning after drinking, I always smell cranberry. Regardless, what I use as a mixer.

The weather is the most disgusting thing of this country. How the hell does it blaze like we're on the wrong side of Mars and yet pour the next instant. God is definitely fiddling with the knobs a bit too much this year. The rest of the country is quite alright thank you. And no, I'm not going to comment on the gahmen here. But if you did miss the election coverage, feel free to click HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE .

I am very proud of my this weekend. It started out horrendously, but it kinda cured itself. Friday with Rita, Saturday with my bolster and Sunday with old boys. I've missed the clique, much. Alas, I can't go back to the days were those. It's just not practical. Different aims, different priorities, different ways of handling people. I prefer my way I guess, to just stand by the periphery but still look out for the ones I like more.

Currently, I'm seething with jealousy. I just saw a newspaper report on one of my old hostel mates. He lived like 2 rooms down and was in the Red Cross. If you've seen my green Cambodia "Danger Mines" t-shirt, he's the one who got me that when he went over on a mission to help clear land mines. So, yeah, business student he is and what do I read? Fucker owns his own risk management consultancy and is also a partner in a restaurant. This over and above his bloody Red Cross commitments where the school gladly grants him leave to just fly off whenever he wants to without fucking him up about attendance.

Haiz. I'm really starting to think I've missed my boat. Not even Jack Sparrow's monstrous boat but a small little fishing sampan even would have kept me happy.

Tides really can turn when you sign on the wrong document.

Adieu!


Is it?


HOME

Is it that my bed still smells of your perfume, but I'm too lazy to put the duvet in the laundry?

Is it that my mum can come up with the cheesiest lines of the century and yet make me feel at ease and wanted at the same instant?

Is it that I am becoming very anti-computer now?

Is it that it's cos, everytime I sit down at the keyboard, my phone rings, or I feel sleepy, or I'm overwhelmed by whatever I am thinking of that I jus "switch off"?

Is it that I feel so sian, that even a Friday and Sunday of drinking [Saturday I was asleep like a newborn babe, thank you], can't put me straight?

Is it that I is running out of boxers, and my briefs got stolen?

Is it that the alleged criminal lives in my house, and I have yet to find them although the total floor space is only about 200 square feet?

Is it that we have converted to the metric system way long back, but we still use feet with regards to aviation, housing and hardware supplies?


WORK

Is it that I have out-Ped the P man?

Is it that even though he was on leave for about 15 days, he came back in the evenings on approximately 5 days just to clear his work?

Is it that the order to come back was due to me having some "tactical" discussions with my Boss?

Is it that if you is touch me once I will touch you thrice?

Is it that drinking in camp is soo much better than drinking at a club?

Reason: Duty free beer at $1.30 a can
No one picks a fight with me, cos I outrank them
Someone always sends me back

Is it that I am now even more fond of her than ever before, cos she has this special way of showing concern that I've rarely seen?

Is it that if she aint at work, I feel one kind, and vice versa?

Is it that I only have 10 working days left?

Is it that of the 10 days, I still have 1.5 days of leave, making it 8.5 working days?

Is it that I'd much rather work than return to that graveyard called NTU?

Is it that no matter what I still got to go back on the 7th August, just for the next day to be a half day and the next to be a public holiday?

THE VAST EXPANSE CALLED THE GALAXY

Is it that I'm losing my touch with alcohol? Tiger tastes like water? Bourbon is like chin chao?

Is it that Shamini says I smile like a Cheshire Cat when I'm fucking high?

Is it that next time all i gotta do not to antagonize the common public is to get fucking high? Not halfway high, not tipsy but fucking high?

Is it that to get there, my wallet experiences at least a 200 dollar deficit?

Is it that just to tahan the bloody NUS roadshow, I had to imbibe around 10 bottles of beer by myself?

Is it that still the joy of watching my dahlin RT dance was worth it?

Is it that darling Kala was such good company and provided good gossip in the later half?

Is it that I think I have a soft spot for all mallu kuttis?

Is it the "sevetha pillai" syndrome?

Is it that 925 sambal chicken fried rice is by far the one and only meal that can make me happy, less all the oil, on a good drinking night?

Is it that BABA counting started, and I got back home in the stipulated 15 mins, but my tainted lover was no where to be found?

IT IS.

A Simple Plan

The plants and the factories are perfectly run. The workers and bosses are living as one. People are equal people are good. People are working as hard as they should be. It's food for my family and clothes for my kids. The class war is over and everyone wins

It's such a simple plan to take it like a man. But i'm not sure i can.

We fought for a decade corruption and greed. It gave me a purpose a reason to breathe. But now that it's over now that we've won. It's back to my bedroom alone with a shot gun. To think of my family no longer compels me. With all things in common they'll manage without me.

It's such a simple plan to take it like a man. But i'm not sure i can.

21.7.06

Honey

I just caught this movie starring Jessica Alba as some dance choreographer, called Honey. And what a solid show it was. I is a sucker for ghetto rags to riches stories, or "lean on me" trials and tribulations.

And of course I caught it on my brand new TVU player. This is some cool program, there are loads of these programs out there actually, but I use this cos I only need HBO. Basically you watch cable channels on your computer for FREE! How cool is that!

Credit to Kokku for introducing it to me during the World Cup season, though the commentary in Chinese sounded a lot like my ah pek, the perennially drunk one, at my coffeeshop. To download, click HERE.

And if you do have the chance to catch Honey, just skip it all, to the portion just before the credits and watch 2 solid minutes of some excellent dance work. Super duper impressed. Lil Bow Wow, Ginuwine, Missy Elliot all have cameos to play in this flick. I rate it GOOD.


"Well, there's only one world - the real world - and in that world if a man takes a woman out on a Friday night in her hooker heels and she can't bring her homegirl, he tryin' to get some booty."


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20.7.06

Post Secret 9




Ah, a return to my PostSecret roots. My favourite 3 of the current lot.

18.7.06

Shop Updates

Ah Neh's Shop has updated. Click HERE.

17.7.06

Brown and Miyagi's Sian

Since one of my readers says he is traipsing over to Brown's blog since I am not updating as frequently as the Yakult auntie comes over to sell her wares, this is a special treat for all Brown fans. Download the mp3 at the following link: HERE.

Support Brown. In the face of media censure, he has my support.

"SIAN"

You know Ben, I'm Sian.
Why are you Sian?
I'll tell you.

I try to cook but got burnt by frying pan
And MRT door toot toot toot nearly kena my hand
All the girls that I know say only see me as friend
Nabei! Lift at my block just break down again.

I wake up in the morning and don't know who I am
I'm SIAN
I'm not happy I'm not sad but I sure know where I'm at
I'm SIAN, so SIAN.
I'm just walking down the street and I don't know what to eat
I'm SIAN
Every second every minute every hour every day
I'm SIAN

Got job interview but got hole in my pants
Go see show but the fella in front damn tall can?
My PC kena virus and the toilet flush spoil
My brand new handphone kena drop in cooking oil

How did I get so SIAN?

Sunny in the morning and its raining in the night
I'm SIAN
The weather cannot change and neither can my life
I'm SIAN
I'm talkin to myself cos there's really no one else
I'm SIAN
I may think I have a choice but I really have no voice
I'm SIAN

How did I get so SIAN?

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Belluci

I have no idea why. But I have to show you the one perfect female being I've ever set eyes upon, a thought shared by many in the world. Ah, the sweet rustic sultry charm of a rural Italian MOTHERFUCKIN BOMBSHELL!!!!!

Monica, me lau. Me everything. How I is wanting you night by night.


If you haven't caught her "rape" scene in Irreversible, do not fear. Go buy that DVD, go buy Sheitan where she is a vampiress, yummmm, and go watch her newest flick called How Much Do You Love Me?

Nude in all.

Adieu!

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16.7.06

Faux Angel

I'm sorry for my weary life
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile

And I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes
If you tell me that I can't, I will, I will, I'll try all night

And If I say I'm coming home, I'll probably be out all night
I know I can be afraid but I'm alive

And I hope that you trust this heart behind my tired eyes

I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly

I know I'm not around each night
And I know I always think I'm right
I can believe that you might look around

I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly.

Great Hotel Sale


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13.7.06

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Of Hotel 81

Is it that Kovan is now the owner of a brand new Hotel 81? Such small rooms though, but at least brand new furniture. You know that great feeling when you have a shower and the showerhead and taps actually gleam with brand-newness. Gives you a shiok knowing they couldn't have been too much muck and grime infesting the damn sanctum of a bathroom before you.

I say they open another 81 right smack in Ang Mo Kio Central. Doesn't the Prime Minister's ward deserve a hotel of its own, after all we ARE getting Singapore's biggest mall. That the construction of the mall didn't even go up for public tender but was split amongst 2 quasi government outfits is of course something we don't discuss.

And also, this would stop the peeping tom problem in Ang Mo Kio Park. Yeah, that's the eerie one the MRT faces. On a cold dark night, look out for the eyes up in the trees, or the darting figures a.k.a. shadow play.

But then again, I'd like to own a hotel. Not a mainstream branded market player like 81 or Fragrance. But rather a niche, boutique one like Majestic. I'd make it a Bollywood/Kollywood mania one. You don't get toothbrushes and paste, you get "pal podi", thats that brown powdery thing people in India use to scrub their pearly whites.


It really seems to me that after, Palace, Bencoolen, Joo Chiat, Star, Opera, Princess, Orchid, Gold, Hollywood, Geylang, Classic, Chinatown, Sakura, Changi, Elegance, Bugis, Kovan, Balestier, Cherry, Cosy, Fuji, Lavender and Spring [Yes, you didn't realize there were already 23 right?], next on the list should be Indian/Malay mainstream locations. I propose Yishun, Woodlands, AMK, Choa Chu Kang. Come on, we need to get a room to have a quick lay too right?

Did I also mention Kovan costs 20 bucks more than the other estabs, maybe its their "new" special price. Residents of Hougang, rejoice!

Adieu!

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12.7.06

Prove me Guilty

Excerpted from Jay Z's Guilty until Proven Innocent:


I get it down, get it krunk when I get in the state of mind
that what's mine is mine, nobody get to take
I don't bend, break, fold, scratch, go down
My mental rolodex see these words? I just don't know
I know stress, drama, fuckers upsettin my mama
Arrested, put in the lineup, tryin to put dents in my armor
But I'm a survivor, plus I'm liver than most
Out on bail, fifty thou', still ridin with toast
I ain't tryin to collide with folk,
but I don't want folk takin me for a joke
I guess you fuckers just woke - good morning!

I'm not the snitch I don't go to the cops to get rich
I go with the glock and click.
I go with you hard; I ain't gon' stop for shit
Look in my eyes dog, right in my pupils
If I'm your rival, why would I have to do you?
People try to throw dirt on my name, disturbin my game
Seemed happy when they heard he was arraigned, glad he's indicted
Cocksuckers you never see me boxed in
Y'all know it, I'm a fighter
Plus I'm claustrophobic, back on the streets before you know it
And my word fuckers, I heard you fuckers
I'm gonna address each and every one of you cocksuckers

Creatif






I'm all for creatif advertisements like this. Really works the brain a bit after being flooded with Yun Nam Hair Care ads all the time on late night TV.

11.7.06

Library Activist 2

I don't know if you remember my lost library book. But if you don't click HERE.

This is the reply I received for my response:

Dear Mr Shanker,

Answer for Q 1 &2

Most of the cases we have handled, the books were found on the shelf despite that the books were not properly discharged by our staff resulting the item still in the user’s account. Book that we could not locate are likely due to other reason at the user end. We have a recent case a user later found that the book has been returned to NLB Library. You might have returned the book to us but the fact is that we could not locate it in our library.

Answer for Q 3 & 4

We need to purchase a new copy to replace the lost book and the cost of this book include a 5% gst. The process of purchasing the book and catalogue it required a staff to handle it and that is how the processing fee $20.00 comes about.

Conclusion

We can try our best to reduce the charges like take out the process fee and the overdue fine and you bear the cost of the book ie $33.40. Is this justifiable to you?

Thank you and Regards.


Ah, a few well placed words has saved me $22.80 outright. Now, to fight for the remaining 33 odd dollars. I'll keep you updated.

Adieu!