Flatulent Friday

I is very very happy. I know I was missing for two days, and I apologize. It's something called "damn fucking tired after work and 2 cans of beer" syndrome. Yes, I have become one of those uncles at the coffeeshop who believe in the mandatory "take a can to sleep" person. Call it what you wanna call it, I'm a fuckin alcoholic.

It's a Friday. Yey! Every Friday feels good. Whether you are working on Saturday or you gotta do OT today, every Friday feels good. I think its the F in friday. Just forming it with ur vocal chords releases some happy hormone, cruising through your bloodstream. Waking up every individual healthy, sleeping and cancerous cell you might possess.

Oh yes, I got my blood taken in the morning. To do a 2 prong, HIV and liver test. Nothing wrong with me though. I just felt that if some bloke can tell you, the alcohol you consumed and that broad you shagged recently is gonna kill you, you might as well get the test done free. Instead of paying a minimum of $150 at your GP to get the bare basic full body checkup.

I also went shopping. See, every year, we get like some kinda imaginary credit to go shopping with. Alas, only uniforms and other accessories. But damn, the smell of new leather shoes is too shiok to resist. And, since the blue had already washed off a coupla my shirts, I decided to get

1 pair leather shoes
1 pair sandals
2 shirts
2 pants
3 white socks
2 black socks
2 name tags
2 more name tags [with my brothers name emblazoned on it, just for fun]
2 PT shorts
5 PT shirts [yes, these tees can be used for many stuff. Including an inner shirt for those "layered" days]
1 Swiss Army Knife

Total cost: Around 150++ credits
Total cost on pocket: $0 SGD.

Now, that's shopping! Also, since the lady at the shop lives in my block. In the same column of flats as me, except on a higher floor, she is gonna deliver the nametags to my house personally. This is cos they take 2 weeks to make. I am in fuckin ORD mood. Then again, I ORD twice a year. Still, your last day at work is always anticipated with great glee.

Did I happen to mention that the P-man figuratively shot me with a water gun but I've responded with my water plasma cannon?

He is now under 6 months of probation, to pull up his socks and buck the fuck up. If not, my boss is "letting him go" with "great regret". Cue: One of those "we regret to inform you that...." kinda professional letters arriving. Not entirely coincidental, but there have been others enquiring about his job, promoting themselves to my boss saying they would love to work there and under my boss. My boss has a solid rep throughout the country and I'm glad he's my new godfather. I would still like to take full credit for all the "professional" anxieties the motherfucker is facing now. Not that he didn't manage to piss me off on Thurs and today.


It was 530. The fucker had been sitting at his computer terminal tapping away since 8 in the morning. Acting like a good child. Thinking I didn't know that when I had stepped out for a tea break my boss had taken the opportunity to fuck him up big big time. This is when he let him know about the probationary period. So, the fucker sat until 5 in the evening. My boss had left at 1 for an event, so it was only me and him. Needless to say, I stayed out of the office most of the time.

At 5, he wakes up. I hear my email ring. I see something sent out by him. Lemme get this straight, you tap away from 8 to 5 and you send out one puny email that even my younger brother could have dictated to you in 2 mins flat? You must be fuckin joking. Blood boil liao.

At 530 he returns. I'm waiting for Clement cos he stays next to me and said he'd send me back. I bother to wait cos its pouring outside. And no, I don't fancy "swwwwwwwinging in the rain" today. Fucker comes to me and speaks his first words for almost 3 weeks:

P-man: What time are you leaving Sir?
Me: Later, maybe bout 6. You go first.
P-man: Errrrm, cos I need to rush off now.
Me: Go la, who's stopping you?
P-man: Urmz, cos need to lock the office up when we leave?
Me: Why? Anything here to steal meh? Your waterbottle ah? KNN outside already got security system what. Who gonna come here?
P-man: But still need to...why don't I leave my key with you then you lock and go?
Me: You gimme your key, but morning I come later than you. Then how you gonna come in? Don't make trouble la, just go home.
P-man: But need to lock!
[take out phone sms boss "Sir, i wanna leave the door unlocked. Any issues?".]
[ Reply: "OK"]
[show message and reply to motherfucker]
P-man: Oh, but still need to lock. That is the procedure.
Me: Are you gonna fuck off or not?
P-man: [takes out key from his keyring, places on my table] Please lock and go Sir. Ok bye.
Me: Grunt!
[leave the key at the exact same spot where he left it. Wake up. Go down for a beer to wait for Clement leaving the door UNLOCKED]


Today la. ML is on 1/2 day off cos he went over yesterday to another place to help them do some shit work. i.e. carry things, put down things. In my workplace, manpower and labour is always "tai-chied" to the lower ones. Poor thing la he but at least get the off ma. Again, good boss! My boss also got something on in the afternoon, some meeting or the other. The entire level also won't be around. They got some cohesion day bullshit. Just an excuse to go bowling on a Friday la. So, this is a virtual nightmare. Me and the P-man, alone in the entire level. NEVVVVVVVVER!!! I cleared half day leave.

So, just before I left. I talked to my boss bout next week and how I'll only be working 3 days out of 5. Reconfirmed that me and him are going drinking next Friday. Also, did another "good deed" of "intiative" by repairing the light motion sensor in the office. And went around shouting "ORD lohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" even to people I didn't know.

I came back and ML was packing to leave. P-man knew he was the only one gonna be left so he had a sulky face. The "why i must work when others don't" face. Fuck him la! NNBCCB! Then he started asking pointedly insane questions. An example is the final showdown of the week, I'd like to do one better next week though. Here goes:

P-man: Urmz, ML what are all these?
ML: Oh, these are metal stands, I took it from that place cos that other fella needed it, now don't need it, so keep in our office first.
ME: [stupid question piqued my interest, dropped what I was doing to listen]
P-man: Oh, then can you arrange to return it?
ML: Yeah, returning on Monday.
P-man: Actually, who asked to borrow it?
Me: He fucking told you just now already right?
P-man: Oh, yes. So, can you give a call to them saying you want to return it on Monday?
ML: No need to call la, just go and give. So leceh.
P-man: No you must. To give them a headsup blah blah blah.
Me: Eh, fuck you understand. He already said he giving on Monday right. And I know those people, don't need to call like an amateur all. Anyway why you poking your nose in this now? What is your issue with these stands?
P-man: [After an elongated silence] They're an eyesore.
Me: One more motherfucking time you try and stir something stupid cos you feel your bloody eyes can't handle it. You look away. Not disturb ML.
P-man: How can you talk to me like that?
Me: [pick up the phone, dial Boss, say "Eh sir ah, this P man not happy the stands are here. Shall I ask him to carry them back to *** during lunchtime or in the afternoon?]
[Boss: Yes, make him do that.]
Me: Nah, talk to Boss.
P-man: But but but Sir...I got back pain. I this I that. I medical, I can't carry.
Me: [from the background] Oh Sir, I get for him one trolley no problem. Then noneed carry, just walk along pushing only.
[Boss: Yes, P-man, do that. Ciao.]

Is it I and ML happily skipped out of office? He happy cos he got 1/2 day, his very first. I happy cos my cannon has blasted and I get to bring my shopping goodies back home?

Ah, what a good day I think it's gonna be. I shall go temple later to offer thanks. The birth of the week has somewhat turned my luck around, in more ways than one.


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