31.3.06

Sell Ya Body

I know most of you get hard strapped for cash sometimes, depending on which country of residence you are in, all these methods could work, or just some of them. Let the bodies hit the floor.

1. Sperm

Sperm banks hold to exceptionally high standards: The extensive, multi-layered screening process eliminates about 95% of us. You must be 18-35 and in solid health. Then, prepare to expose your family tree to a thorough, honest dissection, going back two generations. You'll be asked about tattoos, drug use, experimental sex, your grandma's TB, your uncle's alcoholism, and your mother's schizoid episodes.

If invited in, you'll be given a sterile cup and offered "aides" in the form of movies or magazines or both; just don't count on a hand job from the hottie at the front desk.
You'll be instructed not to use a lubricant, as it can contaminate the "specimen". Your boys will then be tested for everything from the obvious (sperm count) to the unexpected (forward momentum), and that's just for starters.

If accepted, you'll earn between $50 to $200 per specimen. You'll be expected to rub one out into their cups two to three times per week and make a commitment to the program that lasts six months or longer depending on the policies of the clinic. Because they need a consistently potent specimen, you'll have to abstain from having an orgasm anywhere but at the clinic; and yes, they'll know if you're cheating on them.

Sperm banks can be found in almost every major city but because of discretion, they aren't always easy to locate. You can try a Yellow Pages search for "sperm banks" or "cryobanks" in your area, or there are websites such as SpermBanker.com that operate as information clearing houses.

2.Blood

Whole blood can be donated every 56 days. That's 6 times a year you can sell it. But, most places like the Red Cross have figured out that blood donation CAN be free and the volunteers generally are the safer ones.
So, you can still sell Plasma and Platelets depending on which ones the clinic you walk into wants to con you out of. At most, you can sell your plasma every 48 hours. It's this process of returning your plasma-free blood to your body that allows for such frequent return visits. You'll earn around $35 per visit; generally it starts on the low end and goes up as you become a regular. For platelets, You could stand to earn as much as $50 per visit, but you can only go 24 times per year, or about every two weeks.

3. Hair

Your long, flowing locks are worth money. You may need a good 10 inches of it, but the better the condition -- meaning you don't smoke and you take decent care of it -- the more you stand to earn.
The approximate going rate is $5 to $10 per ounce, but some people are selling their hair for $400 or more. You can sell it on eBay, post it on HairSite.com or call your local wig or toupee makers.

4. Clinical Trials

Trials for a multitude of drugs go on all the time, and they can be extremely profitable. For an outstanding, thorough breakdown of these trials, check out Richard Steven's article on the subject and if you're game -- and I urge you to think it over -- check into CenterWatch.com, a reputable Internet clearing house for such trials.
By the way, dozens of trials run by Pfizer and others were advertised recently in our very own Straits Times nonetheless.

5. Kidneys

It is illegal to sell your kidney in most countries. Still, when you stand to earn anywhere from $5,000 to $25,000 for surrendering one of these, it isn't hard to see why people do it, in countries where you're afraid to go under the knife anyhow.

6. Gigolo

Depending on your skills and your reputation, one night as a gigolo can net you a wide range of fees; from a couple hundred dollars into the thousands. Check your Yellow Pages under "Escorts" or go solo and see what the competition is up to on Gigolo.com.

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Beep Beep

It's good for the entire education system when even pop songs travelling up the charts in a jiffy stop to offer us some cloze passage practise. All English practitioners should listen to more of this stuff. For the sheer fun and glory of completing your own cloze passage in time for ur PSLE.

So, the PussyCat Dolls went:

it's funny how a man only thinks about the [fill in the blanks]
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your [fill in the blanks].
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your [fill in the blanks]
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your [fill in the blanks]

I don't give a [fill in the blanks]
Keep looking at my [fill in the blanks]
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my [fill in the blanks]
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your [fill in the blanks]

The only Pussy Cat anyone ever looks at:











Which is why the group is gonna split up. Any time soon people. Just like TLC, Destiny's Child and what else have you.

Adieu!

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Serve

You know it seems like everytime there's a problem, whether socially or in the mindset of already Confucianized Singaporeans, it just paves the way for a mega multi million dollar campaign. All the contractors in said industry then have smiles from ear to ear. In any given situation in Singapore then, for good or bad, money is there to be made.

Same with the appalling service standards. PMSing waitresses, shoe salesmen who frown at your unruly nails, high end boutiques who disregard anyone not dressed as per their mental stereotype. Heck, if I was a Gucci saleswoman, I'd be showering my time on that one lone punk who saunters in with his football jersey and berms and mocassins. Cos, I just know a punkster who dares to pull this stunt surely has the wallet to pull it off and just couldnt be bothered with sticking to social norms.

But, if you wanna raise service standards. Incentives are not the way to go. Why pay for something that was in your job description? I think the root of all evil in the shopping experience is definitely the fussy finicky consumer themselves. Especially in Singapore. We know how we are. Don't run away from it all and get defensive.

But also, read this, you might then understand the culture of service:


In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less,
a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.. [25 cents]

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

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Tumultous Thursday

Wot a fuckin tiring day. Early this morning, jus about to switch off and knock out for the night, to wake up coupla hours later for my IPPT, I browsed through MIW. For the ignorant, this is the army portal for pre-enlistees, NSFs and reservists to do all the admin they need to do, online.

And there I realized that SAFRA Toa Payoh conducts IPPT too, albeit in the evenings [very good!] and in the gym [very very good!]. So, off I went to bed and woke up when the sun shone in, about 1 pm. The sun only shone in cos my mum happened to move the curtains for what I have no idea.

All set at 4+ , since must register at 445. I already practice a bit a bit liao. Confident to pass. Good to go.

Reached there, rain started drizzling. Bad omen.

Suddenly I see these fellas tapping away at the laptop. PTI and some other corporal. So, I hand them my 11b and wait.

"Sir, you got register online before?"
"Huh?, Register for what...anyway I couldnt enter that site la..cos I technically not reservist".
"You mean you regular go study one ah?"

"Yeah la...how?"
"Alamak, sir, here regular cannot take, cos this is just trial gym IPPT only for reservists"
"Serious boh??!?!?! NEh mind..chin chai la."

"Sir,wait hor I check with my MSG"

The fella comes back shaking the head already I knew. A fucktype day is in the making. So, I was not allowed to take my IPPT, though I craved and had much enthusiasm to take it this fateful day. What to do, tmrw morning try at Sembawang lor. KNNBCCB. Fucking technicalities. Grumble Grumble Grumble.

And then, I went back, only to sit at my PC, grumble to the closest available person [my mum, its at these times that vulgarities are freeflow and tolerated].


Then, I left the house again, this time on the hunt for liquor. My babies. All cos some mofo supplier decided to abscond. Thankfully not with the money. That was safe and sound in the shoebox I store under my bed. Well, now you know? Come geddit. Thiruttu Rascals.

From left to right, 21 yr old Chivas Royal Salute, Bombay Sapphire, Absolut Apeach, Jose Cuervo Tequila and Jim Beam White bourbon. My 5 babies. Don't worry, daddy has rescued you from the evil clutches of those fools who didnt treasure you enough.
If you're wondering bout the 'thingy' behind the bottles, that my friends is the Commissioning Sword. Who knows you know. Who don know, I dont care enough to explain.

Which is why I trawled from Tekka [tequila] to Punggol MRT [absolut] and walked to Block 101B when it was supposed to be Block 110B [they're miles apart...for the jim beam and gin].


And, the day is done. Marked by one cheebai PTI and another cheebai supplier who just went AWOL on me. I "love" people who go AWOL. Damn my luck.

Thankfully, Tekka was a good experience. A regular gossip session with a friend's sister. Yeah, of all the gossip though, the stories always seemed to centre around one "target", the perpetual "wunderboy" of foolishness. And my my my what tales he had to ride the night. Especially about a person dear to me. Tsk tsk. The nasty things said made me blood curdle. And I don't mean Komalas tayiru kinda way.

Oh well, shit happens. Thank god, shit didn't happen when I was around.

Adieu!

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30.3.06

Post Secret 9




IPPT Woes

Would you believe it if I told you I havent taken my IPPT for the past 3 years? Ever since I set foot into NTU, and left my uniform to be decomposing in its ironed state till every holidays, I've never even spelt the word IPPT yet.

Result of that? 1 Record of Verbal Warning, 2 Letter of Warnings and an impending Letter of Warning [with monetary penalty] if I don't clear it by this Friday. Ahem 2 days time.

This is the ballsy issue. Why must we be so into this whole fitness regime. Like even reservists, ORD not enough, every year still must take the time to go train a bit and pass the damn thing. Of course the incentives do make it worth it la, but still. Irritating la.

Haiz. I'm a gonna go in tmrw and see what I can/cannot do. Then hope to rectify it overnight by Friday. Wish me luck.

29.3.06

5 mins Strong



Under microscope again. Are you my family or friend?
Good intentions, I'll accept it, but these are unqualified judgments.

5 minutes strong and you've known me life long.
5 minutes strong.
You've known me five minutes and my life is slipping,
So tell me about my life because the clock is ticking.

My first impression is all I'll give.
Take it and run. I know the deeds I've done.

The prayers of the righteous availeth much,
Much more than their "guiding" touch.
Have you ever been faithful when you're under fire?
Shunned, but still remained the martyr?

Is this the integrity that you seek?
Experience it, please, before you speak.

Thank you for being there for me, in all honesty.
But could it be that my heart bleeds with the same sincerity?

I love when I'm feeling tall as I smile at the crowd that claims my fall.
I love when I'm feeling tall, because I stood up through it all.
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28.3.06

Update

Ah Neh's Shop has updated. Click the link: Ah Neh's Shop.

Vespas






Photos I managed to 'kop' from others. Mainly, the Vespas and the Super Zhnged car.

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Defend Your Turf

Fancy yourself good enough in footy, to square up with street boys from Rio de Janeiro? The birthplace of samba soccer?

Enter this tourney then, brought to you by Nokia Asia: Defend Your Turf.



Design Taxi

If you're into Design, in its various forms do check out Design Taxi , the editor being my very own friend Bianca Zen. If you think, design is drawing and colouring, don't waste your click, they don't need your viewership either.

More importantly, something I'd like you guys to read. Good articles over there by the editor and writers. One, I like a lot is Unblocking the Blog , part of the "The Driver Speaks" column. Read the rest too, available in the scroll boxes.

And do take your time through the rest of the site, I know navigation is a bitch. But hey, you can only put so much on one page ma.

Adieu!

Quote of the day: The only greek I know, is how to take off a toga top.

27.3.06

NTU Motorfest 4

And the stragglers.

The Mini convertible, such a lady cum ah pek car. But the interior was fantastic. Fucking big speedometer.

Our friendly Mat Cisco: Quick Draw Sofian. Notice how his right hand is always next to his gun, just in case someone tries to jump into the Ferrari, hotwire it and steal it with the wheel clamps still on.


So, I decided to lend a hand and guard the exquisite machine myself. Me and Mat Surfer. His specs, way cool. Suspect got real time live video feed so his control center can keep an eye on the cars all the way.


Eh and then, before all was said and done. What did we see? Could it be true? Could the weavers of the 64 Indian cultural arts, the masters of the slink, also known as House House Acidhouse be here? At this show? Oh man. A shot we couldnt resist. Courtesy of inspirasi frm RT.

NTU Motorfest 3









The Ferraris! 612 Scaglietti and the F430 and the Modena 360. Oh man, by sheer design they blow you away. Let alone that interior. Close up u just realize why you'd bother throwing away that much money into these beauties.




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NTU Motor Fest 2

The Porsche Cayman S. With signature Porsche ceramic braking pads.



Ali G's ride. The Renault Clio, check out the vents at the side.



MY Lamborghini Gallardo. Why is it that everytime there's a cool car, some KLK has to say "How, you like my car?" or "Alamak, how come they put my car here never ask me"



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NTU Motor Fest

What you missed. Very interesting and amazing that NTU held this show summore in campus. But good on them, the Nanyang Business School. Though, I feel they should have given a heads up and collaborated with the NTU Motoring Society cos there are some real proud car owners there with Zhng My Car style rides.



The classic cars. We saw a Volvo P1800 and this Merc Benz 190SL. The Mini collection was as per normal, same cars different spray work. The Vespas, haiz,not so classic yet la, with Mat Motors still making it a popular ride these days.



The Bikes! Oh yeah...Harley Davidsons summore. Pity they only brought 2 along. The Screamin Eagle V-Rod Destroyer, fastest bike on earth. And a Softail.



The Lotus Exige. But this one look more toy car la.



Another red hot number, the Porsche Boxter S.

Part 2 later, friggin blogger servers are damn crap at night. Photos also cannot upload properly. KNNBCCB.

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26.3.06

I am the God of Fuck


I am the god of fuck! I am the god of fuck!
Virgins sold in quantity, herded by heredity
Red-neck-burn-out-mid-west-mind,
"who said date rape isn't kind?"

Porno-nation, evaluation.
What's this "time for segregation"

Libido, libido fascination,
too much oral defecation

White trash get down on your knees,
time for cake and sodomy

VCR's and vaseline,
TV-fucked by plastic queens

Cash in hand and dick on screen,
who said God was ever clean?

Bible-belt 'round anglo-waste,
putting sinners in their place

And the finale, to my detractors:

Yeah, right, great if you're so good
explain the shit stains on your face

24.3.06

Singapore Fashion Festival

The Singapore Fashion Festival is on. Tickets are via email. All you gotta do is check back and click on the ones you want, and they'll email it to you. On a first come first served basis. Example of prices are $350, $560 and $700 for the Salvatore Ferragamo show on Saturday. But the Topshop/Topman show is only for $10, fully redeemable at their stores summore.

Events are all at Ngee Ann City with live coverage via some really big assed screens being put up.

Do try and catch Ashley Isham [the pride of Singapore], Triumph Decadence and Desire, Nokia L'Amour featuring CK.

Also, if you got nothing better to do in life. Go be a volunteer. Hobnob with models and designers. I know I would. Also, give me a shout on where the models club. It could be a fruitful weekend after all.

Adieu!

23.3.06