Cow Sense Democracy

Democracy explained in cows:

DEMOCRACY (in theory)
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

DEMOCRACY (in practice)
You have two cows. You vote in someone to decide who gets the milk.

You have two cows – ‘cow peh’ and ‘cow bu’. The Government fines you for keeping unlicensed livestock in a flat. Both are then acquired at a significant discount by a Government-linked corporation.

You have two cows. You sell one of them to Singapore.

You have two cows. Unfortunately, milking them is less profitable than sending them to Singapore to work as maids.

You have two cows. You take care of them. Your local town official takes all the milk from you and makes big bucks for himself by entering a supply venture with an American milk company.

You have two cows. The religious police separate them for being too close together. You get your milk imported from your neighbour.

We have two cows, which were formerly owned by a deposed politician. If you give us your bank details, we will deposit the cows in your account and cut you in on the profits.

You have two cows. A large dairy conglomerate buys them and sells the milk below production cost overseas, but at a huge markup locally. One day, the cows die but no one in the company takes responsibility. But it’s okay because the Government will subsidize all losses anyway.

You have two cows. One gets kidnapped by North Korean agents. You dream of their reunification someday.

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cows drop dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. Meanwhile, you invade another country for their cows.

Loosely adapted from talkingcock.com

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