TTSH woes

So, I visited good old Tan Tock Seng this afternoon for the second time in 3 days. And I'm proud to announce I'm not gonna die so soon, so weep on motherfuckers. I hear those sighs.

What I didn't get was the experience. Firstly, the hospital has morphed. Greatly. TTSH used to be known as the joint that kills people. True. Everytime, someone gets hospitalized for a serious condition and we get news that it's Tan Tock Seng, that's it. The funeral parlour's number is on standby. The service also used to be atrocious. The hospital in some ulu fucking plot of land with only a narrow path leading to it. Many a nurse, including my aunt has experienced unnatural stuff along this path when they're done with their night shift to walk out to take a cab. But yeah, the hosiptal is pretty spruced up. Their new logo speaks volumes. Kudos to the branding and image consultants.

Just some stuff I observed:

1. Waiting time is indeed faster. Outpatient clinics are much cleaner, brighter colours, better ambience. The wards from what I saw from the outside also more power pack. I remember the one and only time I was hospitalized, back in Pri 4, I could actually jump out through the window and trod off to walk around reccee the hospital. Nowadays, you're more likely to suffer a severe fall thats gonna leave you hospitalized even longer. My ward was on Level 1 then. The current Level 1 is three stories high.

2. The staff actually smile! Lan jiao they used to. Fuckin scowling like we owe them money when we the one worrying about how much of the bill our Medisave can cover.

3. You know the nurses rule. It's like that series "SCRUBS", where the trainee doctors have to literally suck nurses' invisible dicks to get an easy way around. And the way they integrate with each other is flawless. In just half an hour of waiting today, I witnessed these 5 nurses on shift, just about handle Teochew, Hokkien, Cantonese, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil and even a bit of Japanese. I mean like damn! They training translators too in NYP nursing fac? And when one of them is dumbfounded, someone always jumps in to save the situation, in the next 2 seconds no less. Seamless. How I wish my organization worked this way.

4. Somehow or rather, the payment counter hates SAF people. All you do is show your card when you make your payment and you just walk away scot free. Maybe that pisses them off greatly. Like, they were soo looking forward to collect $60.05 from your pathetic looking face and you brush them off with some green card. Oh well. When in doubt, flash the card. Don't leave home without it.

5. The eye specialist appointment I went for was a waste of my goddamn time. I didn't even realize, he asked me back was to check if I had glaucoma. I mean come on man, according to their own in-clinic pamphlet, the high risk population for glaucoma is above 50 year old Chinese females. I is ah neh dei! Look at me. I is black! My eyes are red! My teeth are yellow from coffee! Where got glau-simi-coma?

6. The nose one was also a waste. The fella sat me down for a grand total of 5 seconds. Put a light up my nostrils, asked me what happened. Muttered something about trauma. Asks his assistant trainee doc to take notes as he speaks. He spoke one word! Trauma! And then he says, "Ah, there's no need for plastic surgery cos your nose aint crooked or anything. I give you an open appt for a year. Pop in if you want to. Let it heal by itself. Have a good day".
As dumbfounded as I was, I was sure glad I didn't need to wear some fogey nose brace for a week. I left in a jiffy. The indian couple who came earlier than me and still were waiting stared the hell at me. Macam, "cheebai..go in faster than me also come out so fast. at least talk longer la, make sure it was worth cutting our queue". But auntie/uncle! I never cut queue! I jus smiled at the minah and told her my camp got big big exercise I need to rush, can make it fast not sweetheart?

7. The 1st floor has so many shops, it's a mini-mall. Starbucks la, food court la, 7-11 la, Polar Puffs la, and the mandatory con the patients out of needless medical aid equipment shops. I was actually looking at this defribrillator on sale. Used to deliver electric shocks to people whose heart has stopped. I gotta try it on my brother some day, when I go back and buy. Then he'll know: After you watch the latest Naruto, you DO NOT delete it till I have given my go ahead. Idiot.

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