Voting Instructions

I been watching those "How to Vote" infomercials on TV lately and it strikes me on many levels. Firstly, the voting slip itself is teared off from a booklet so yeah it could be tracked. If someone really wanted to. I'm not saying it IS tracked. But if you WANTED to, you could. Especially when its left in a locked room in Parliament House for 6 months before getting incinerated. I mean a bunch of papers aint gonna have a security guard looking after them right. Even if he was, he'd be on the gahmen payroll too.

Then, it hit me. We should do voting Survivor style. Tribal council baby.

Step 1. Take your card, your IC, get your voting slip

Step 2. Apply light make up, powder your nose, smart your hair

Step 3. Mark your cross.

Step 4. Hesitate before you leave the booth, hold the slip up in the air and go "I voted for so and so because i like them/alliances are meant to be broken/this is a game after all/i play to win"

Step 5. Drop it in the cardboard brown box and leave while keeping a poker face.

Step 6. Go home and wait for a Singapore Idol style idiots-we-caught-on-camera at the voting booth special.

Tada! My guide to Tribal Council voting, Singapore style. Stylo mylo boh?

And my mum was rolling in laughter when telling me this:

2 elections back, and this is a true story. A lady took half an hour at the voting booth when people just take 5 seconds. After a while, a cop got worried and went to check on her. He asked "auntie, any problem?". She went, "aiyah, my drawing not that good la." Cop was thoroughly puzzled and just took a peek at her slip. For the past 1/2 hour she was tryin to draw the Hammer symbol in the blank area and modifying it to look more like the actual Hammer on the other side. Dope!
My dad told me since I work for gahmen, I oughta vote PAP. This the man who came back gushing from yesterday's PAP rally going "Wah, I didnt know our PM earns 160K a month!". Haiz, but isnt it all the same. The middle aged Singaporeans. The family men and women alike. They go to rallies, they clap clap, they bitch about the incumbent candidates, yet they 'cross' on their side just to be on the safe side. The I-don't-want-to-kena-marked by the gahmen wait they don't share their Progress side. It's sad really.

I leave you with a quote from the rally last night.
150,000 people voted opposition last elections. None of these 150,000 people came forth and said they were tracked or marked or condemned. No one knows who these 150,000 people are anyway
So, my call out to all Singaporeans. Youth and middle aged and old. Take a stand. Follow your heart. Don't predict the future. Be it employment, state of the economy or mundane things like defamation suits. You aint astrologers, don't do their job.

Be a responsible citizen. Vote the way you want to. Vote the man YOU like. Not the man your job/family/kopi kaki likes.


Ah neh will be voting at Deyi Secondary in the evening at 6 pm if he is too drunk in the morning. In the morning, if he gets irritated with the sunlight.

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