15.4.06

Fuck the Barmaid

Lemme give you 10 priceless and invaluable way to hook up with that waitress/barmaid/tequila shot girl that you so so fancy but never got the balls to approach thinking that you aint the first man to play this stunt. Truth? Yes, you aint the first. But you sure as hell can be the "special one" and not in a Mourinho sort of way.

1. Be a good tipper

Tip well but not TOO well or you'll just be another bloke who gets his mind messed up. Don't be stingy at all costs. Tip enough to make her notice but not too much to come across as a try-hard loser.

2. Pick the right time

Don't do it the moment you walk into the place nor at the end of the night. Pick a good time when the crowd is still thin and conversation can flow freely without disturbances. Also, at the beginning of their shift, they're definitely gonna be less irritated than at the end of the night. Use a good topic as an icebreaker. Me tip? Start bitching bout the cheesy pervs who hang ard the bar just to take a look at her titties.

3. Show your committed side

Bar staff see it all. Trust me. If you wanna score with the waitress with the big hooters, don't let her catch ya snuggling up some other patron. Don't be a prude. Be a pro.

4. Don't be too eager

You'll only creep her out and look like a lecherous ang moh hanging around Orchard Towers. Scope her out and yet give her space to do her job. If her manager fucks her up for chatting too much to ya, trust me you're out of the game. Also, stay SOBER! No one likes a slurry drunken fool.

5. Moderate your intake

You are doing a "job". Tackling the hot stuff. Would you throw back 6 shots of tequila before an important bizness presentation? No right. So stay sober and yet look like u're having a good time and this is the amount you intake all the time.

6. Spread the Wealth

Buy the boy's 1-2 rounds. Show her you are above and beyond miserly and only caring about your own enjoyment. Everyone likes a friendly bloke who shares his expense account.

7. Prove your mettle

What's harder than dating a true blue seen ya done that bar girl? Dating a truer bluer female bartender. But female bartenders rox! And in a club, the best buddy you'd ever need is the bartender. =)

On hindsight, I want to add these few pointers because in some loose straw polls conducted by the numerous tequila girls I've gotten to known, they collectively can't stand losers who do this.

1. Buy the rose from that evil China woman who sells them.
2. Buying them shots all night. [Theyr'e just gonna pocket your money and spit it out later]
3. Ask for complex drinks just to look sauve. If you have no idea what a "blowjob" or "apricot brandy" is. Don't order it. Staff love to serve drinks in the wrong glasses just to see if their customer can spot the diff.

The one thing you should do? Seal the deal before last call. All staff HATE the blokes who close the bar down. Drinking till the last minute. Ask her what she does during the day. Contrary to public belief, bar staff do not jus go home, sleep till the next evening and get down to their jobs. Some even hold a second job to make ends meet. Check with them, and GET THEIR number. If you encounter this line: "Want to see me? AIyah...just come down here lor...I always here ma". Just know, that you've lost. Booya!

Adieu!

Joke of the day:

My better half and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So, she got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer. B*tch!

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