Gang Exits

So, I was reading in The New Paper, a sorry excuse for a tabloid [If tabloid is defined by size 72 fonts and garish headlines that actually have nothing to do with summarizing the story] about how Malay gang members take great pains to exit their affiliations and erase their past.

Something piqued my interest. Exit techniques to be precise. Now, I've heard and seen huge sums of money being coughed up [If you are in the 369 gang, you might have to pay $369 or with a coupla zeroes after that to gain freedom] and a standard one to one mano a mano mortal kombat with the strongest dude in the group. But, something new was revealed in this article.

These days due to the inherent penetration of video games and creative storylines in almost everything we take up, street hoodlums too have jumped on the bandwagon to come up with brilliant exit strategies.

Solution revealed in this article involved the "member" starting at the 12th floor staircase landing of a HDB block and descending all the way to the 1st whilst fending off attacks from one guy stationed at every subsequent lift landing. This is the ultimate battle royale. A senseless test of fitness and strength [both mental and physical] and stamina. So, one man goes against 12 in quick succession depending on whether he is gridlocked anywhere along the way. You'd think that after the first few guys he'd devise Jackie Chan-like attributes and attempt to jump over the man instead of brawling with him. Or prepare himself adequately with cross trainer Nikes, a tracksuit and a rusty cycle chain.

Staircase Sudoku I'd name it, if they ever called a huge ass meeting to "brand" and "market" this creative practice. It's all about the marketing as the iPod has proven to the world. By the way, the Nintendo Wii is the new age game machine and you'd be a doofus to even think the PS3 is worth more than its weight in aluminium.

Following up on this "how do I exit a gang [one that doesn't even financially enrich me]" conundrum comes the new avalanche of violence based videos on YouTube. Here, amateur criminals take videos of their bashings and post them coupled with their gang numbers or names as the title header. Meet Singapore's Dumbest Criminals. Why hasn't someone even come up with that programme yet since our nation is probably more wired up with CCTV [some unplugged and fake] than it ever has been before. Right, so people used to beat the fuck outa people and then run, and sometimes never get caught. Now, they show their handsome face to the camera in gloat and glee [Attn: Investigation Officer - CID] and also state their affiliations [Attn: Secret Society Branch - CID]. Brilliant.

I bow down to supreme intelligence. Makes me wish I was smarter.

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