Batam Bambinos

And so once upon a time, four chicanos headed off to the lost land of Batam, one of a thousand islands our southern neighbours had to offer. Rife with rumours of 12 year old sex, second wives [we actually spotted the condo the ah peks put up their sidelines at] and cheapo currency, we let Courier [name protected in case he gets lynched] make the booking.

Alas, this was a man who did not comprehend that the RATIONALE of wanting to go to a 3rd world nation, was so we could spend less and achieve the same. He however was a 5 star traveller. He eats Michelin stars for breakfast, we however make do with Nestle HoneyStars.

The main event was to learn how to ski/wakeboard. Not slow and steady tugged by a powerboat that has seen its beautiful days lost to the algae, but by a cable, to a winch to a circular circuit. Pulled off your ass at breakneck speed, expected to keep your balance and STILL manage some X-Games tricks along the way.

This was not an adventure for the wary. Sore butts, torn groins and boobs popping out of ye bikini tops was all so common. It's no wonder it's fully booked. You pay to get slammed into water. I mean that should be a sport by itself. We'd do famously.

Oh, I haven't introduced the rest of the cast. There was Courier, Jekyll. Nigel [he didn't read The Game so he didn't get awarded a callsign], and me. We tried and tried and tried. Twas like a course we all were so used to hearing about. SCSC. Some Can, Some Cannot.

Courier could. And how lucky we actually figured out how to use the damn video function on the camera in time.

Nigel on his 2nd time around still couldn't. So much for "if you fail, try and try again" and "practise makes perfect". He wasn't reading the right books.

I'd love to talk more about the massage with excruciating pain inflicted on untested soles of feet. The next time someone claims they know reflexology, make sure they don't own a blunt object to dig your pressure points with. I'm sorry, I still managed to sleep amidst all that. How immune to pain, some people can be.

Ultimately, although we spent more then we should, like typical Singapore wankers. I still had a blast. Thanks KJ. Fuck you Courier, for your room that had a jacuzzi while ours only had a bath, fuck you cos you had a safe while mine was "invisible". Haha. And the next time you want to "stay for one more beer" at PP Banana [apparently the island's only lapdance joint], I'll make sure you get the company of Cicy for the rest of your stay.

Full photo stream at:




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