Valentine Venom

You know it eluded me for a long while. All this hype on Valentine's. Why the whole need to go out on one day just to do some declaration of love in an over the top fashion coupled with flowers and chocos and cutesy teddy bears and cheesy love notes.

I digress for a bit. I spent my morning delivering orders to the respective people who bothered to fork out a percentage of their allowance for them. In the process I came across:

1. Office staff who gush and grin like monkeys although the bouquet in question is NOT for them.

2. People thinking it WAS for them and then approaching me and were sorely dissapointed.

3. Front office staff taking bets upon seeing me walk from a distance on who the bouquet was for.

4. Colliding with a house agent and the prospective buyer at a certain condo I was to send flowers to.

5. Reading the numerous cliche and yet lifting messages on the little cards. My favourite being "I wanted to get you thorns, but the roses came free with them".

6. Rude bitches who looked like they got out of the wrong side of the bed and acted like you were handing them 12 vines of poison ivy.

7. Ruder bitches who 5 seconds after receiving it, called up their boyfriends to complain on why it felt wet at the base and why the wrapping was not up to their standard.

8. Stupid motherfucker boyfriends who order 24 red roses and then start their card out with "24 pink ones.....", thus contributing to a whole lot of confusion between supplier and client on whose mistake it was.

9. Splendid customers who actually texted me a "praise" message on the level of service accorded to them.

10. Irritating buffoons who text me every 5 minutes after their delivery timing had overshot to check if it's really going to arrive.

I'm done. Back to earlier point on why people consider this such a great day when others wouldn't. I was enlightened recently that as a woman you should instead be pissed off with a guy who pulls out all the stops on Valentine's Day following the "Where was all this all year round?" perspective. Sounds pretty much logical. And then there are those who exclaim "Every day is Valentine's Day, I don't find this special". The phrase itself sounds like a compliment but don't be fooled. You are still meant to go through the motions. The theory is very simple.

Humans deep down inside just hate other people being happier than them. It's that simple. We hate seeing random mofos strolling down the street hand in hand, flowers in one, chocs in the other, gleaming like they've been shined up real well with some car polish. The only thought that occurs to us is "What the fuck they so happy about? KNN."

Let us consider the different groups of people and what they feel:

1. The ones who are attached and V Day is a significant thing - This works out pretty much in a cliched tone. Men inherently are bastards. Who don't really see the need to surprise their other half with anything more than a "Ok, today is guy's night out" when she probably had a whole other idea in her head for the proceedings of that given night. Thus, this one day in the year is where they make up for the whole year's misgivings and taking for granteds and random rubbish. Their partners however are so lulled into this mundane lifestyle of daily "Have you eaten?", "How did your day go?", "What are you up to tomorrow?" conversations that they only realize there IS this option to. Thus, this realization sets in every V Day and they are joyous to seventh heaven thinking "Oh well, he aint that bad. He did put in a lot of effort to make this happen". And so life goes on.

2. The singles - Student singles are still playing the field. Working singles [women] are constantly on the look out for the one bloke who will satisfy at least 75% of their requirements, since perfection is always too high a goal to attain [you gotta ask God to be your boyfriend then, no offence nuns]. V Day for both these parties are like the only opportunity in a year where it comes to light on who exactly has an eye out for them. So, this group is very hyped up about this day because it is one of the few escapes, from their mundane drudgery of office work and school homework, with the opposite sex.

3. The singles who spout the commercialization line - Seriously. Bullshit la. It's a case of sour grapes I feel. So? No one let you get that nice Zara top which was 50% off at the last Chrissy sale? Thus, "I don't like christmas because it has become so commercialized. The spirit of the festive day is lost.". Same concept with V Day. The whole world gets roses and not you. V Day is commercialized la, roses are over priced la, it's about love not money la. You get the drift.

4. The attached ones who spew the "it really doesn't matter" day - Crap again I feel. These are the "everyday is a valentine's day" fellas I mentioned in an earlier paragraph. Deep down inside, no matter what has been done all year round, no matter how many flowers or gifts or words of sweet nothings or just general acts of concern and niceties, it all boils down to the "we don't like others happier than us" theory. So, don't be doofuses. Take part in the festivities. In fact, as a couple you do have a more assertive right to ownership of this day than anyone else. And when the night fetters out to nothing other than dinner at your coffeeshop and then off to bed to rest for work the next day, take a second back and realize that you brought it upon yourself. This whole insistence on not going out and partying like the animals do or lost in love like the Bard-ial Romeos and Juliets.

I'm done. For the record, Fuck V Day. It brings no one any good, except if you're a florist.


No comments: