Heroes and Zeroes

I'm never for doing match reports on recently concluded footy games. Maybe this is because I seldom bother to invest an hour and a half, plus minus interval time on a football game no more. When there's no money riding on the game, there's no kick in watching it. I've become a woman looking at football now wondering what the hell all those blokes are paid multi million dollar salaries for chasing a little ball [now in multicolours, no more just B n W].

So, anyhow, since I'm a born again, watch the game for the essence of the sport and its related sportsmanship person, I realize now that things are a tad different when the Benjamins don't come into play [pun intended]. See, when normally with my usual of a minimum of 500 buckeroos riding on a game, even when a player gets fouled or engages in gross unsportsmanlike behaviour, I kinda just brush it off. My theory then was this is what they're paid so highly for. Do whatever it takes, to get the desired result. After all, you're so well compensated for it.

These days however, since win or lose I don't lose, every single vile and uncouth action on that vast green field is greeted with incensed rage. Is this the passion of the beautiful game I have failed to indulge in all these years?

Manchester United and Chelsea drew 1-1 last night. It wasn't a blockbuster, wasn't a thriller. But it was quite obvious that Man U was to Chelsea how Blackburn Rovers are to Man U. In fact, comparing Man U's conduct to Rovers would be underestimating their lack of sportsmanship. I think Wimbledon in the Vinnie Jones era is a much apt comparison.

Here to me were the main wankers of last night's game:

Motherfucker Vidic. What the fuck were you trying to prove? You're the reason why footballers prefer studs on others' faces rather than sit down to an ice cold beer toasting their opponents' bravado.

Ronaldo the Prick. Play acting is so passe. Ashley Cole should have bitch slapped you silly and threw you into the Chelsea stands where your own "Theatre of Dreams" would have transpired. Fuckin loser. After doing it on the international stage, and getting much flak for it, what makes you think you can pull off the same shiet in the "all eyes on me" EPL?

Smart call for a substitution though. The stage was set for a mass brawl making injury time REALLY injury time.

Mazy runs and dribbles aside. Fucking his best friend's wife aside. There's no way you can hate Giggs. Especially when Scholes and Rooney decide to have a "subdued" afternoon.

Now, I gotta be fair and diss across the board. Since now I'm a fan of footy and not a "I jus plonked half my life savings on Chelski". Shevchenko, you got to go. That rhymed by the way. Would translate to a nice jingle in the stands at Stamford Bridge. Nowhere as deadly as he was in Milan, I think his Chelsea jersey will be a collector's item since he's bound to leave cos he just cannot hack it here.

All talk and no substance. Made his name in the Bundesliga. Decided to have a bust up with Klinsmann while playing for his nation. But, cannot make it on English soil. And when you know you're a useless fella and just aint contributing to the Chelsea salvo a la Drogba, just tell the coach you want out. Don't waste people's time. And of all things, just cos your contributions are not in the form of ball bulging the back of the net, don't be a super dickhead and start every quarrel afresh in the field when the main participants have already walked off after a few harsh words to each other.


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