I am very inspired by my Saturday. I have to share this. A tale of whatever can go wrong, does. And a few good parts.

It was in the afternoon that I woke. And I proceed to answer missed calls and unanswered smses that have piled up. Upon answering one of them I get a sad Bhai boy on the line. Sad boy claims it's his birthday when the clock strikes 12 and all of his 15 friends have cancelled on him throughout the day. So, he asked me if I'm out tonight. I replied in the negative, stating I had exams coming up and I'm broke. But upon hearing his sad tale all I could do was "It's your birthday machi. Fuck it. Let's do it!"

Best part? My mum was watching on as I first went from negative to positive. Her expression was priceless. Another one bites the dust. Son KLKonfirm not home till the sun rises again. Of course I made sure to ask what kinda drinking he wanted to do. The 12, 4, 6 or 12 next day programme. He replied 6. I said on.

This was followed by a coupla hours of bumming. Just bumming. Bumming on a Saturday is so fruitful. Then I upped and changed and left for Tekka to go see our rapturous rhymer Praba. And then onto Utsav Parade. The Indian Chingay. Packed like hell. We got into the restricted staging sections, thanks PJ, and had loads of photos done. Material for our next piece. The parade was quite fun, not that we watched much. Nothing like meeting your ex-girlfriend's mum decked out in her customary diamonds in Tekka too.

Now the night starts proper. After leaving to Boat Quay and meeting sad Bhai boy, we knocked back a coupla whiskey on the rocks and had a filling Mac Dees dinner. So, I told him. Why waste money hitting the big joints like MOS. Just follow me, I'll take you to a place where it's everyone's birthday everyday. At least that's the way we drink like. So, strolling along towards the 2nd joint. Our friend gets a call, from a chick, saying she's waiting outside MOS. Haiz. Plan failed. Here I thought I can accomplish 2 things at once, celebrate this bloke's birthday AND see my usual kakis all at the same place. So, he hopped in the cab and left and I promised to see him later.

Phone running on low batt. I left to see my fellas. Now the stout freeflow starts. And when it does, it seldom ends. But the stories thrown on the table were quite happening this night. Story of the day was about one of the guys allegedly raping some other girl. Or at least that's what she claims. After ascertaining the identity of the girl and confirming that mass orgies even are nothing new to her, we kinda let the matter lie. Then the cops came. Yes, I understand that 20 ethnic Singaporeans drinking stout is such a rarity that we must get screened. Unable to answer us why screen us? And not the other ethnic groups surrounding us? Later an educated bloke in the group, who is actually the son of a politician questioned the very very pretty policewoman if they were targetting us cos we're the minority. Heated argument aside. IT was a fine day for publicity as all of Circular Road craned to see who the MIB had netted for the day. And off we went to the next joint.

The 2nd joint. My interest is JUST to drink. Drink and play my pool. And drink. To drink, I drink. I drink to drink. You get the picture. However, I saw a select group that I recognized. Some seniors from my school who had already graduated. Customary hellos and all and that was done. Halfway through, suddenly there was a mass exodus of my mates. So some rival group happened to show their face and now it was either a showdown or a drink-down. Wanting to be a good boy as I've enough trouble with the law already, I decided to stay behind and act blur. Huh? All of them dissapeared? Why? Where? Alamak. KNN never tell me. Oh well. This jug pretty kuat ah?

And then proceedings drew to a close. The time was 3. I stepped out and was accosted by one of the senior blokes who insisted in asking me who this NTU ******* was. I asked why. He went oh, if you introduce yourself or declare yourself with a first name like that, what am I to think, that there's a new gang in town and it's called NTU? I was like, hmmm, why even think that. I'm from AJC. Some know me as AJ Shanker ma. Still, after many whiskeys and gin n limes and vodka red bulls, logic is kinda thrown out of the window.

The cause of the KLKonfusion? An over exaggerating boy. Who decided that since he was the only one who was privy to a tele-conversation he had with another bloke, that anything he says will be accepted as the holy truth. I had already done my assessment and knew that what he said was said couldn't be said cos the other bloke just wouldn't say it. You geddit? You don't need to.

So, that's commotion number 3 for the night. Stay with me. Keep count. Cops, exodus and this makes 3. Number 4 was when the same senior bloke says he tried calling some chick for his money back and her bfren verbally abused him and that one of the blokes in the club looked like that boy. Underline the word "like". Haiz. Commotion 4 ought to have been finished fairly quick if I was in charge. Something like this:

Eh are you so and so?
No I'm not.
Oh, okie. Thanks. Salah orang la. Paiseh ah.

But what did happen was this:

Eh you are that boy right!
No, I'm not.
Don't lie to me.
I really am not. What is it that you want?
I know you are la. Show me your handphone received calls and prove you're not?
Fuck you understand.
Oh. You speak this way. NNB I should smack you.

Enter whole jing jang. My guesstimate is 10 per side. And me slowly taking a step back. When in doubt, hug a tree. Now there are 3-4 parallel dialogues. All talking about the same issue, all attempting to broker the peace. But when 2 out of 3 quieten down, the 3rd goes haywire. And so it continued. I was amazed that there were no cops. Oh of course, the bouncers were ready to get in with some swinging. When you know people don't mind drawing some blood cos they're entitled to, use the cliche phrase. "No problem la bro. All adik bradik. [brothers]".

From then on, it was about following a few obviously too drunk people to a KLKlub full of too drunk people. You smell disaster? The commotion is at no. 4 as of now. So, in quick succession once the bottle was opened at the club, drinks were downed and eyes were roving for a quick fight. Sensing danger again, I hugged the pool table. And of course as a substitute tree, I hugged a pillar next to it. Commotion numbers 5, 6 and 7 started and ended fairly quickly. In quick succession, involving me even.

That was number 7. See, mofo who started no. 6 decided that he should pick trouble with me cos I was the relative unknown to him and who better to attempt to hammer but me. Dude! 13 years I've been drinking. Do you seriously think that me travelling solo is such a big problem or a weakness? Best part bout commotion number 7 was that it got solved, hands shaken and then re started by same mofo repeatedly pointing in my face and asking who's that bloke who's that bloke, why's he looking at me funny. KNNBCCB. Cheesed off. Yet this is not the time for me to go cave-man.

The club closed and we all left. I was in two minds. Stil follow these drunkards or return home like a drunkard. We stopped at the 7-11 and lo and behold. Commotion number 8. Wow whee! This time it was more entertaining cos the coppers were surrouding the group and waiting to pounce at the smell of a teeny weeny bit of violence. I was not about to count bars tonight. A quick detaching walk and I reached a cop. He asked me what the fuck I was doing. I replied just walking to get a cab when I chanced upon my friends. He asked what I was doing in life. I said I was in Uni. And the cop tells me : "Ok. Just stand here with me. Don't go to that side and get into trouble." Wah! Cops. Your best friends and your worst enemies.

Commotion number 9 didn't involve us directly. It was about where to go to eat supper. As everyone hopped into a cab and took their leave. I on the advise of someone, left too, for home. There was a commotion number 10 in the middle of it all, but it is too sensitive to write about.

There you have it, a fated commotion filled Saturday. One I wish never happened. And one I have made some vows over. There are just some people I will not be drinking with anytime soon. Sobriety is of much value.

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