When I was a little kid, I never had cartoon idols. All, the other blokes wanted to be He Man, Captain Planet, Megabot of Transformers. I really couldn't give a shit. I guess I never really believed that Superman really flew, and Spidey really got bitten by a mutant spider. The notion just seemed so 'unreal', so I always knew they were big fat liars.

So, the only people I could gravitate too were the REAL idols on free TV. My childhood superheroes from the WWF (now WWE). Many fans of the sport here. Many more of the evolved soap-opera cum blood bath with bonus lingerie catfights new wrestling shows too. The franchise really taught me a lot about determination, show boating, sheer arrogance and why if you're the bigger man you get the bigger breasted chicks. Just look at Stone Cold and Debra.

But, I'm old school WWF. Where there was no EDGE, Big Show, Rock, HHH and all. Instead I looked up and would even risk a beating (of which there was no lack of in my youth) to catch these heroes on the telly.

Legion of Doom
If there ever was a greatest ever tag team around, it was L.O.D. When LOD hit the ring, you run. Or you can get pierced by that plastic armoured shoulder pads they wear. Get a name like Hawk and Animal and a pair of biceps like that, and everyone is fair game. Not happy, just beat. I like.

Shawn Michaels - The Sex God

If you were fucking Pamela Anderson, you're already high up there in my books. Not to mention fucking her while she was just a celebrity bell-ringer at Royal Rumble. Then, the moves, the music, the poses. In other words, Shawn taught me how to attempt to be suave, not that I'm entirely successful in that area even till now.

Jake "The Snake" Roberts

Jake showed me to play off an opponent's fears. Hit them silly and then let them contend with combatting their lifelong fear of thick slimy reptiles. Writhing and wriggling away without realizing a python doesn't bite.

Koko B-Ware

Koko made me love birds. He with his parrot Frankie. And Koko taught me that there is no limit to eccentricity that you can be as gaudy as you want, as long as you dare and you CAN pull it off.


Doink the Clown was the most bad ass, lame joker around. He'd hit you with party tricks just on the day when you aint in the mood for it. He taught me that to irritate, you don't need to pick a time and place. Just do it all the way, all the time.

Papa Shango

Papa scared the hell outa me and my brother used to say it was me cos of the "Shan" in "Shango". Still as a voodoo man, he was solid. Coupled with scary face paint and you know which part of the Ivory Coast this bloke hailed from. I liked Papa Shango. He knew how to do MAD.

Ricky Steamboat

Being an aspiring little Einstein, I learnt all I ever needed to about the laws of gravity not from Superman but from Ricky Steamboat. When Ricky flew he flew. His dropkicks and frog splashes are still the basis for current day wrestlers. Yes, Ricky taught me about flight. And it had nothing to do with fake ass leap over tall buildings and stopping speeding bullets with his finger.


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