15.8.06

Morning Wistfulness

I sit down here penning this. Check the time later, and you'll realize why I'm not supposed to be here penning this. RT has just complained of not being able to sleep cos it's her first REAL day at school. Good excuse sweetie. You was having the same dreams of Playboy Mansion like me right. If anyone lays claim to the true insomniac way. It's me.

It has been a rough few days. That one final burst I wanted to have before sem starts proper, read: massive drunken binge, didn't turn out that good after all I think. My cash is cleaned out. I took 2 solid days to let the alcohol purge out of my system. On the 2nd day, I still had to endure some utterly, disgusting, excuses for beauty pageant contestants parading themselves on my humble TV screen. Take note, all 3 TVs in my flat were switched on to the same exact channel. Listening to Rafi call one of them a "Fatty". Not in so few words, but yeah, the idea is there.

Should he have done so? Could he not have gone the Najip way of going "I have this picture of Miss Vasantham in my mind, and you are not the girl I'm thinking of". To be risque and blatant and controversial is one thing. But, I think you should leave it to the queens of sardonic wit like Kumar to handle such personas. Rafi, just a man with slightly dyed hair. No self respecting KLK wears shades indoors doofus!

Carrying on, insomnia. I think I'm nervous bout school too. And it's not even my first day proper. Ok, it should have been sometime last week. But since, my 'magic' fingers got to work at re-assembling my timetable a la mahjong tile-like, my timetable has since changed from Tues-Thurs to Wed-Fri. So, actually I'm going into school to do nothing but hand in some official admin stuff, go quarrel about a lost cheque, ask why I should pay my school fees in Jan when I still got till December to rightfully lay claim to my results.

Yes, in NTU, the stand is, if you don't pay your fees in full, they don't let you check your exam results. If you are one of the cockanathans who believed this crap they pulled, don't. As, I said before. It's MY school. Take a leaf from the pro. Check your degree audit instead, the results are auto reflected there. Unless you need some tabulated colourful gridded screen to tell you you're a failure case.

See, I don't get this school. They have rules and then they have the shortcuts and loopholes to break those same rules on the same webpage! Like why? Treasure hunt? Another irritating time I'm gonna have is dealing with the freshies. Lemme clear the air once and for all. If you're a freshman, and you're not ME, then don't walk around acting like you own the place unless you truly have some weight behind you. And I don't mean the spare Pirelli tires you thought you'd tag on to your ass just cos you felt like it.

See, don't take up space meant for other deserving humans in the canteens (during lunch) and in the libraries (all the time). You are in the motherfuckin 1st year, you don't NEED the library. What you need is to stay out of school till people can actually be desensitized to seeing your sorry ass mofo faces around.

You've been through Primary School and poured scorn on the P1s haven't you? Been to secondary school and witnessed how the Sec 1 kids are put through some sorry ass obstacle course called orientation? Nothing changed in JC/Poly. Youse was shamed as usual. So what the fuck made you think, suddenly varsity is a "whole new world" to "broaden your horizons". You are still the scum of the earth and I'd greatly appreciate it if you behaved that way.

I think the problem mainly stems from the new girls who come in. See, times have changed so fast that suddenly barely 18 year old girls are hooking up with 22 year old boys brimming with testosterone (do I really give a fuck if I spelled that right?). And what these boys do, is give them some guided tour of the institution they school in, attempting to impress (i think). So, what happens in the end is these same chicas, stroll into school carrying their Sunday picnic basket excuses for school bags and make their claim to fame.

If there's only one piece of advice I can give you, young women. Dress appropriately. IF you're from a JC, go tag a Poly chick for a bit. They have 3 years worth of experience. They'd be able to show you what to wear on lab days, what to wear on nothingness days, what to wear on quiz days and what to wear when you got a hot date after school days. As a matter of fact, do that yeah. Go learn. Don't scare me during my mutton briyani with dreadful makeup and low slung hipsters. It's just uncool.

And all you blokes, who just "happened" to be "on" enough to attend Freshmen Orientation Camps with your Halls, do note that although you sleep in those berms, we really don't expect ya to wear them to the classrooms. There is something we love to do to boys who look like they sauntered into school in their pyjamas. Wanna try? Gimme a call. We can even film it and YouTube it so your 15 min of morning fame at least lasts the mandatory 15 days, internationally.

Am I done? Nope. I still haven't even got to the reason for my insomnia. There are two actually. First, my first dream totally freaked me out. Cos, it was just freaky. The setting was this. I was at some seminar or conference like thing. There was a podium and I was behind it. The audience was a group of aunty aunty people, all Indian, middle aged and in saris and decked in their full glory of gold. And then I started my speech:

Today I'd like to talk to you about drugs. If there's one thing I hate in this world, it's drug users and abusers and the next thing I hate and I'd like them all to die, are the drug pushers and traffickers.

Drugs are bad for you. Listen to me. I speak the truth.

Nothing that fucks up your brain, changes your bodily functions and bring you to a world you don't live in can ever be good for you. And you should let all your kids know that.

I'll be honest with you. I've tried every goddamn thing from E to X to Upjohn to Ice to "chasing the white dragon" to injections to plain weed. I've even been on the wrong business at the wrong time at the wrong place involving this sin-inducing products when I was very young. But it only took one incident to set me straight.

In all the years I've been drinking, sometimes more than necessary, I've never had such a mind lapse where I wake up in the morning and have no idea what happened the night before. Or, not know which places I had been to, who I'd seen and how I got back home. Of course in the course of a hangover, sometimes you forget such material facts, but when your memory gets jogged, you do remember it. Till that one night, where after some weed with a coupla underaged international school punks, I woke up the next day without even realizing what had transpired. What really did happen as told to me by a good pal who was there with me all the way, is so embarassing I'd never say it out loud.

You might think, you, standing in front of me, a lifetime smoker and drinker, dare preach to us about drugs. What gives you the right?

I say to you this: Have a think about it. I own 2 vices, yes, but the thing with drugs is it's never used by and never sold by "good" people. Take your local Econ minimart for instance, that uncle sells Marlboros and Tigers, but would you call him a "bad" man? No, even the government licenses him to sell it to other human beings.

Is the government ever wrong? I think more than asking yourself if I know what I'm talking about, you should ask yourself if the people you voted for know what they're talkin about.

So, I'd like to end here by telling you guys this again. Drugs are nasty nasty stuff. And we should all pull together to eradicate it from society once and for all.

Thank you.

Cheesy I know. A bit weird also coming from a sub conscious dreamy me. But, I swear it all happened. I am extremely shocked I even remembered this speech. Now go over it, read from the start, and like in my dream, imagine I'm talkin in Tamil.

You sure you wanna hear the second dream? Do I care?

So, I go have a smoke and come back and think to myself. Damn, what the fuck just happened. Is it something is ruffling my soul and conscience and it concerns drugs. Hmmm. A sign maybe. Sekali I have some friend who has a drug abuse problem and now I gotta go and CID and find out.

Then, since I still needed to get to sleep. Out of nowhere, I thought to myself. Ok let's meditate. It's never a bad time to show devotion. Especially when I am not in a hurry to do anything else now. So, I hold an image of a deity I like. And I concentrate on holding that image in my head. Suddenly, it's like that image goes translucent and I can see what's going on behind that image. There's nothing much going on but there was a woman there.

I know this woman. I know her name, I know her face, I know her body. And she's down on all fours, in a coffeetable position, naked. And calling out to me. So, what did I do?

I nimbly stepped aside to leave the image I was thinking of behind me and walked towards her. Took out a knife. Repeatedly stabbed her neck. It seemed like a good spot to stab cos she was down in all fours anyway. And everytime I stabbed enough for her neck to drop off, it just recoiled back! Like friggin Medusa!

So, I continued stabbing and attempting to behead her all the way screaming "Fuck you bitch, Leave me alone bitch, Can't you see I'm doing something very important here!" No reaction. I'm finally left in a pool of blood. And it rises to my knees. Now I scared already. Sekali it engulfs me and I die of drowning in that woman's blood how. So, I turn around and I flee. I run and I run and I wake up.


Now, you tell me. What do I make out of this tale?

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