P-antics of the P

Antic 1

It is 530 pm, and pouring heavily. Everyone who is smart enough has predicted the rain and left. Only me and Weiyong, remain in office, being diligent D for Discipline workers.

The P man walks in:

P: Raining heavily, aren't you guys going back?
WY: Yeah, in a while.
P: OK, I take one of these umbrellas ok?
[FYI, there are only 2 umbrellas in office. One blue (mine) one red (ML's)]
Me: No, cannot.
P: Just let me borrow cos it's raining.
Me: Is it you are blind? There are two of us here, we are gonna walk out to take public transport, we need the fuckin umbrellas! You want one of us to get wet in the rain just so you can use one of the umbrellas to walk from this building to the bloody carpark which is 10 metres away?!!!!
P: Urmz, sorry.
Me/WY: [shake head in utter disbelief]

Antic 2

As it is, there are not enough computers for personnel in my office. One is with my boss and the other is shared by ML, P man and me. So, P man loves to run off to the 5th floor, citing this shortage as a reason. But today, I beat him at his game, and lo and behold I found another ally in this small war.

Up in the 5th floor in Henry's office, I is already at the computer tapping away, when the P man walks in:

P: Morning, can I use the computer.
[stands on tiptoes to look beyond the partition, sees me, abruptly u-turns]
Henry: Why, use la, who is there?
[peeps over and sees me]
Henry: Oh Sir, you are always welcome! [pointing at P man] You ah, just get lost la, go back your own office.
P: Urmz, ok Sir. Sorry.
Me/Henry: High 5. Lets go for a smoke.

Aftermath: I just leave my card logged into the terminal while the P man runs around looking for a terminal to clear his work that he just got fucked by my Boss for. You want that story? Read on below.

Antic 3

Boss: Where's the monthly report?
P: Ah, sir, almost done with it, I send it to you next week.
Boss: Next week! Now is only Monday, you take 7 days to type one report ah? Shanker can churn one out for me in 2 hours you know?
P: Ah, sorry sir, end of this week
Boss: You siao ah? End of this week, you type like tortoise is it? Don't make me angry ah?
P: Sorry sir Sorry sir, I get it done by today or tomorrow.
Boss: You better! Anyway where's your handphone?
P: Ah sir, my wife is holding on to it.
Boss: So, you didnt see the sms I sent over the weekend?
P: Ah, yes I saw
Boss: So, you read the sms, and you didn't bother replying and you also didnt bother asking me first thing in the morning whether that matter is resolved la?
P: Aaaaaaaaah, ummmmmmmmmm, ehhhhhhhhh.
Boss: I'm gonna FUCK you understand!
P: Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir, Sorry sir!

Wah, now I really inspired. I shall tell you another anecdote where I only received the true story this morning.

Our cookhouse caught fire last weekend. Apparently one of the cooks was negligent and thus the kwali with oil went up in flames. The "heroes" who were nearby attempted to put down the fire by pouring water. Any fire trained idiot knows that water is the last thing you throw on oil. It only fans the flames further and makes it spread. Total damage was $40,000. The "heroes" apparently are gonna get medals for their bravery and decisive action. These are the times we live in.

Nevertheless, the supervisor of the place was at TTSH that fateful morning. And who else was at TTSH but the P man. Apparently his wife had some check up. Once the SMS came through, the supervisor informed P man too. Cos, we're the Safety Office, and a fire is damn bloody well safety related. Look on for incident report:

Sup: Eh, cookhouse caught fire la. Damn, I need to rush back to camp now.
P: Is it? Wah, is it bad?
Sup: Yeah, you also come along la. This is related to your office what, its good for you to be onhand in the situation. [In fact, my boss was already activated and was back in camp to survey the damages]
P: No la cannot.
Sup: Why?
P: Urmz, cos I with my wife here la. I can't go back. Just say you didnt see me.
Sup: Wah, you damn bloody "chao keng". On normal days, you pinpoint and nitpick about every damn fuck thing that is NOT wrong. And now, something really is wrong you are tryin to "siam".
P: Cannot la, my wife will scold me.
Sup: At least can you drop me off outside camp then proceed on back home cos I need to be back there, its an emergency.
P: No la, you just make your own way there, it's very out of the way for me. Take the train then a bus la. Pretty fast.
Sup: Shakes head. Ah, fuck it. Bye!

Now, do you see where all my hate stems from. I promise I didn't exaggerate any single incident or dialogue. Everything I've narrated DID happen word for word, verbatim.

Is you feel my pain?

ORD Lorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! 2 more working days!


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