Why your Saturday should have been good:

1. You walk the entire stretch from P.S. to Wheelock, turning back and walking on the opposite side of the road back to where you started and beyond.
Straight line distance: +/- 3 km

2. You eat a fantastico dinner of a BK Chicken Sandwich, Chicken Tenders and Onion Rings topped off with a huge Ice Lemon Tea. Yum!

3. You discover there is actually a half buried carrot, guitar and lips directly opposite the road from Le Meridien and contemplate photo moments.

4. You realize that bikinis CAN cost in excess of $200. Tsk tsk.

5. You're glad you don't buy CDs anymore and choose to download illegally looking at how HMV is just overstaffed and understocked.

6. You realize you can be serious if you want to, yet you joke barely seconds after that.

7. You fly through town at the back of an open 14 footer lorry in between wood pellets and cartons, hoping your hair doesn't get messed. Ah, the memories of lorries.

8. You bitch the night through till 7 in the morning, with your friends' fiances about random women and men and get force fed piping hot nasi lemak by them.

9. You realize that Hips Don't Lie is just too cliche and the new song running in your head is actually the "old" Def Leppard's Two Steps Behind.

10. You sleep in the comfort of air conditioning at a friend's business establishment, so that's 1 day out of 365 for you, and counting.

11. You have a cup of piping hot teh tarik in the morning, barely minutes after you wake up, and then bitch while the sun slaps you in the face and you try and forget that the same joint you got your tea from is the same joint that you see millions of cockroaches running out of in the night.

12. You have some money come in an hour after you wake, giving you the opportunity to roll in COMFORT and buy your ciggies.

13. You realize that no matter who pulls off a "Bugis Village" on you, there's always a "Toma" waiting at the sidelines to be ridiculed.

14. You buy a Halls for 80 cents and get a lighter free. Why? God knows la. My Ah Pui still has much love for me.

15. You thank the Lord that your mum still cares if you're alive or dead, despite the countless times you've told her, that if there is NO phonecall, that means I'm safe. If I aint, either the cops or the hospital or the morgue would have called by now.

Why your Saturday shouldn't have been good:

1. You get conned out of buying some lame ass, fitting only a Calif. Fitness trainer's wrist, World Cup bracelet by a two bit fatty bom bom whose line was "Hey, can I borrow 6 dollars?"

2. You find that Bourbon coke tastes just like coke.

3. You realize that apart from your own multi racial tendencies, the rest of Indian society aint that ready yet to place trust on other races.

4. You come across patronizing friends who insist things are done for your own good, acting the bigger brother when they are barely a year older.

5. You come across a man with one eye who greets you by tapping your stomach, twice, and then proceeds to raise his upturned palm in a "what the hell" fashion when you don't respond and you couldn't have slept some sense into him cos one hand was holding your phone and the other was discreetly adjusting your boxers.

6. You realize that pool queues are meant to be cut, but you don't like it that everyone else realizes it too.

7. Your favourite tequila girl is PMSing.

8. You are shocked when the same blokes who claimed they had no cash to fork out for the bottles and jugs, display their fifties when the topic changes to a "Pair Call" game.

9. You're plagued by indecisiveness wherever you go.

10. You know patience is a virtue. Yet, you're so bloody impatient about accepting that patience is a virtue anyhow.

11. You know that crises strikes simultaneously for you, cos your luck is just like that. However, you still contemplate why me? why now? why ever?

12. You are pretty damn sure you shouldn't exchange handphones with your youngest brother, owing to the fact that you are the one who bought it for him. Though, yours looks like shit and his is brand new, it still is a tough decision to make.

13. Your mum thinks buying breakfast for you on weekends is a waste of time since you step into the house only at lunch time, without realizing that God created microwave ovens for just this purpose.

14. You think that there is something good afoot, yet you realize that between you and anyone else, you seldom hold the power.

15. You now know there was some innate programming in your genes to make you partial to bananas your whole life long.


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