Self Righteousness

Non-buying of ciggies: Day 4

It has happened again. That great soul. That all encompassing being. The man. The father of the one they tortured and nailed and burnt and stoned and cussed and killed. The one who sneezed and started the cosmic swirl. The fella who tears and it rains. Who belches and it droughts. The one who missed a step when he walked and a few seaside laid back resorts got fucked to oblivion by a tsunami. He has now turned his attention to me.

Like it's not enough that some people are actually taking the effort and time to be a better man [ i hope]. Ok, well bumming off cigarettes is not such an ethical thing to do. Sherwin realized that I have quit buying and not quit outright. Now he's determined to "help" me "kick" the habit once and for all. "As a friend" he claims. I'm pretty sure it's the non-buying habit he wants me to quit.

I told them all. Just early in the morning, all the smokers come and donate one stick out of twenty to me. And that's all I'll inhale for the day. But no. Now they all want to follow MY idea. It's my idea cos I started it geddamit. No followers. Just sit and exhale and be in shock and awe that I decided to do so. Fine. If the 4th floor don't cut it. I'll go from B1 to 5th with a placard round my neck. "Donate 1 stick!". Every morning. Till someone just gets sick and tired and uses the same aforementioned placard to do my head in. And this is only more bliss.

If you can, please send me back to my creator as quickly as he sent me out. Last I heard, my birth was a pretty impatient one. Could you blame her though? Her Chinese drama serial was due to start in like 10 mins. And in the old KK. If you found a TV, your path to nirvana was half complete already.

However, if you can't then at least render me unconscious and THEN choose whichever limb you like and kinda just tap the bone till it cracks a bit. Don't dislodge it all or perform permanent curvature surgery. You aren't a caveman. Just give a strategic knock to the right joint and hey presto! It'll pop right out. I could show you how to do it with my inherently loose left and right shoulders, but then it just might disgust you. Watch Gibson in Die Hard 2, he does it perfectly. AND puts it back. Could you blame him. He later on in his silver screen career managed to find out what women are thinking, loses a son to a kidnapper and is now defunct but surely fucking the next blonde bombshell.

I am tired of helping. Yes, I is. Yup, the whole compassion thing is so overrated. Humans just DONT want to help each other. Simple as that. Every ounce of energy you put into someone else, you had best be getting it back at the very least 1:1 odds. This means that Singapore Pools should go out of business the next time they dare to tote odds that range from 1.20 to 1.68. Do I look like a fool? Or did my Pri 4 Math teacher just simply fail in teaching me the basics of a transaction. I give you 1 dollar of mine. You give me back 68 cents. And this is why I queue up behind dodgy Ah Peks, sweaty foreign workers, clueless tai tais and endure pesky kids who run between my legs. It aint my fault I'm 6 foot 1. Ah, it all leads back to HIM doesn't it.

I approached a massive number of friends about an urgent problem I was facing today. And then I was talkin to RT, subsequently manjen's sister [who is now convinced that she is gonna star in Kid's Central new show as a model and all she gotta do is call 999 tomorrow to fix the audition date, and who knows her only line in the show will be a bastardization of the barkin of a dog. I have no idea how to phonetically spell that sound effect I'm so used to now.] and I realized something.

The ones who HAD a clue about how to help me, responded within the next 5 mins to an hour. Most called me back with their office phones. Some smsed their answers. Now, the ones who DONT have a clue, who just probably thought so long about it then thought to themselves "KNN..think so much for this fucker for what?" and then proceeded to reply me a good 3-4 hours later, "Sorry bro. I can't help ya on this. I don't know anyone". My dear people. Get a life. I will remember you. Those who DIDNT reply at all that is. You might think that to reply a nil reply is in fact a waste of your 5 cents. But no.... you forget. I have an elephant's memory. And I know mudderfuckers, who saves their 5 cents and who didnt.

You don't worry. Call me the next time and ask me for a loan, ask me for a favour, ask me to "help you out", ask me for information, ask me to teach you how to make your girlfriend do the thing you like, ask me to confess to you that I taught your girlfriend that thing you like, you'll see. Just for 5 cents? Not worth it my friend. Have a think about it.

Alas, the bane of working with 2 complete idiots. The P-Man and ML. I am now stuck in this big fiasco and could be charged and branded a cheat or what not just cos the mudderfucker P-man decides to conveniently indicate that I am on medical leave. In actual fact, I was just not around. My text message in the morning to him read : "I'm feelin sick, not takin your ride. Don't wait up for me". He reflected me as MC-MC-MC. That these 3 days coincided with my boss being on overseas leave is just not anyone's concern really. This is what happens. It is an issue and a privilege I share after putting in 3 years 2 months 24 days into this organization.

Familiarity breeds contempt. Contempt of being forced to walk into a joint where you have no purpose. Just like today, my priceless comment: "It's pretty hard to be sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Doing nothing is much much more painful than doing something". I ALMOST had my Bing book to read, except my other major, whom I've worked under before, swaggered in, chit chat, and then borrowed the book never to return till 4 in the evening.

So, now I'm stuck. I've been at home for those 3 days. I could have been out. I forgot. However, now I'm supposed to conjure up 3 days worth of medical leave within 1 weekend and produce it to the authorities or else I face reading Schindler's list in a darkened jail cell. Ok la, not so drastic. I still have friends who can cover my back.

Ms. A is definitely not one of them. Ashley, she fuckin comes and lectures me today la! In front of some other clueless NSman summore. That fella was like having front seats at a Siegfried n Roy circus act. Watchin me shake my head, watching her wag her finger. Best part! It doesn't even encroach onto her job scope. This is what all you mudderfuckers better stop. If it doesn't give you an extra job to do. Shut the fuck up and move on. I really cannot handle unaffected parties coming to me with their version of what transpired. If youse was me, P-man would have been slaughtered and hung upside down for the blood to collate and dry on the floor abbatoir style.

So, there. Who can helpsch me? You? You? You? You? Have I gone the full circle yet. Have all of you shook your head yet? Now bend over. That's right. Not bend down but bend over. As far as you can go. You can do it. Do it far enough and kiss your own arse. All ye clueless mofos who can't even render some help when I need it. Instead coming up with crap and crap and more crap. If this problem doesn't get solved by this weekend, or if it doesn't solve itself. I promise you this. I'm a new man when it comes to help and favours in the future. Got it? All ye self righteous pricks.

Late Addition: To the fool who when I started talking about VC didn't quite get it and now believe I am indeed the Singapore faction of the ultra uber communist outfit, the VietCong of Vietnam War fame [as opposed to Venture Capitalists]. My apologies. I am apologizing to your mum by the way. No mum should have to feel the way yours does. Now, fuck off. I don't need your MLM bullshit. Don't want to sit down and "have a chat" and "go over the earning plan". No interest in hearing about residual income. No inclination whatsoever to believing you are going to become a millionaire before me cos yeah I guess firstly we have to get that VC angle sorted out till its crystal clear. Did I remember to say fuck off already? Ah, silly me. It's my memory. Very bad these days. So, you are?


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