Ming the Merciless

Thank god for like minded individuals. I could have only tackled and ended the day with sanity if it was for them.

Then in the afternoon, I had the comfort of Rajes's company. After work, over 3 beers was Clement. The after work bit was quite weird though. There we were, 3 men. One retiring in 1-2 years, one forced to leave after his contract didnt get renewed, and one somewhat in the infancy of a career but dying to cut loose and run. It was weird till Clement had to comment aloud, "Is it that all 3 of us are on the same frequency here?". That was it. Break out the beers I say. Duty unpaid better still. Still Grade C beer is always Grade C beer. Nothing like the Grade As we're used to. And for habitual stout drinkers, Tiger has become as effective as a piss inducing cold water drink.

How I wish now I am working in the private sector. Where if your fellow colleagues push you to the limit of no return then you can just land them the ole one-two, spit in their face and go "KNNB! Who want to work here? You pay me double also I won't come back here ah" and stomp off to the horizon to link up with the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Ruckus. A word I used today. On the P-Man. And he got affected. And he came to me with the whole you cannot speak to me that way. What is it that you meant? What is it you are tryin to put across. I find it fuckin weird that I am forced to handle questions from an illogical bufoon who is so far back in time, even the dinosaurs would have spat their phlegm at him and sent him back further. Back to the days of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden where he probably had nothing to do but count the number of fruits and shrubs and plants and note them into an inventory list. Eventually he did go mad, cos it's such a flexible and fluctuating list. Coupled with his big soda-bottle glasses that oughta have Eve's titties in full zoom mode everytime she was prancing about. As such, that he was teleported over here, I now believe in the Twillight Zone and in alternate dimensions and also that the Devil does exist.

To manage. It is hard to manage someone like me. This i know to be very true and I shan't shun the fact. However much I have a problem with authority, what happens when the "authority" aint supposed to be sitting in the "authority" chair at all. I.e. He assumes he is the authority by default. Just cos, the boss is out of office.

This is for anyone and everyone who is already in my organization, whether slaving away at the whims and fancies of the gahmen or thinking of procuring what they call a "iron rice bowl". By the way, the iron has started to rust. Like any big corporation, many have got laid off and asked to fuck off already coupled with a golden handshake.

1. Have many friends.

Sounds cliche. But something important to note always in any work environment. If you think more than 50% of your colleagues hate you or your guts, transfer out. Or start being the one who buys lunch, buys the cookies, replenishes the perishables in the pantry and what not. You will only realize the true value of having people watch your back when crisis hits. And that is why, this crisis passed on like how Katrina missed one or two teeny weeny islands on the way to New Orleans. I'm still thinking whose face I glimpsed on in the morning, for me to have the aggressor's own subordinate work out a masterplan for me. It's days like these that there is no 4D draw for me to test my pensive luck also.

2. Kill your enemies. Quick.

No man is an island. Fair enough. Be the sea that engulfs the motherfuckers then. Don't play nice boy/girl. This is not work, this is war. Be aware that every step you take, there are motherfuckers who hate the way you are, the position you are at and the people you are chummy with. Your own superior could be your no.1 enemy. Learn how to spot enemies fast. You never wanna be in a situation where a "friend" is actually an "enemy". This is where backstabbing comes into play. Why does it happen? You exposed your back first. So, be wary. And when you have decided who is who, prioritize. And go in for the kill. Keep any email that can even be vaguely incriminating. Any instance of a slight deviation from the prim and proper rules and regulations, note down in a little 555 notebook. Trust me. Leverage is everything.

3. Know the law.

Practice and procedure are 2 different things. In the highly theoretical world, everything flows by the book. Alas, not so. The book was printed to mainly "cover your backside" in case of any large cock ups. Trust me, there will be. So, don't deviate too much from the book. Best way to piss off an errant employee. Follow the book when he doesn't. Quote by-laws and directives like scripture. Take shortcuts when he doesn't. Take it slow when he does. One day he will blow. IT happens. We're human. And then throw the book at him. Show him why BY LAW, he can't touch you cos you have DONE NOTHING WRONG. For example, using my example, why would I need to produce certification that I was sick and dying of some fever or the other in bed, when the records show that I was NOT. That I was present. Throw the big black book when you have to. Heed this well, and you'll never see the inside of a cell, ever.

4. Go above and over your duty for your superiors.

Call it bootlicking. Call it ball grabbing. Call it what you wanna call it. If someone likes that book you're reading. Lend it to them. If someone likes those cookies you're eating, buy them a pack tomorrow. If someone plays golf, Tiger Woods is your new best friend. If someone loves to gamble on soccer, offer to go buy the ticket during office hours. Gives you something to do, lets him not concentrate on this trivial matter. Your boss is your superhero. For those 9 hours at least. Make him feel like one. What would Batman do if Robin always second guessed him? What would Cyclops feel if Jean Grey didn't wanna give him some?

5. Choose an identity and work it.

See, people have different ways and ideologies and ethics by which they work. So, some predominantly sway to being a hero, a villain, a nerd, a sucker, an idiot, an incompetent fool. The list goes on. But choose your identity early. If you know your dominant trait is effortless bootlicking. So be it. But whichever role you choose, do it classily. You still need friends, back to Point 1. I have chosen the villainous way. Mojo Jojo always made more sense than the PowerPuff Girls. So did The Penguin, Joker, Mr. Freeze, Magneto and Ming the Merciless to name a few. I seem to be bloodthirsty to langgar with people. I don't know why. I attribute it to that people shouldnt even have that thought in their head. A bit delusional yes. But how will I ever guage who was the stronger one if I don't langgar first. Not like I look for it. It just comes. Joker doesn't call Batman and say he's gonna rob the bank. He just goes and does it. And then the Batmobile revs into action. See, if someone pops into my path, what can I do? For now, I have great plans for a little blue Kelisa sitting in a carpark in AMK. Overturned? On the side? Sunny side up? Poached? Scrambled? I don't know. I'll know when I get to it.

Chupa la Pinga!

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