Mum Fights Back

See, my dear mummy reads me. Sometimes she does so, cos it's the start up page on my Firefox. At other times, my dear brother manages to do a lil "exchange" of information so he can look good for that day. Still, he's dumb. No matter what inside info you pass, it's only valid for the next 15 mins fool. You're still gonna get it when your shit hits the fan. Related post HERE.

Carrying on, me mum says, since I'm complaining bout the house and the eccentricities of my family, I should just go write bout all the fucked up things I'm up to. So, here goes, baby, just what you wanted.

Why you shouldn't let me inside your house for 1 week:

1. I make close to 15 cups of coffee a day. Which comes up to as many smoke breaks a day. Everytime a cup is done with, it's deposited anywhere but the kitchen sink. To ferment. I've been threatened before that all this cups will NOT be washed or will be re-used without washing for my next drink. Currently, I see 2 cups at my PC and 1 at the hall coffee table.

2. I never wash my plates. Never. I consider it beneath me to use a sponge and dishwashing liquid to get to the grime when the next most important thing after eating is my smokes. I've also been threatened like Pt. 1 on this aspect.

3. My sheets and duvet (comforter some call it) are not my pasal. If they're dirty, they stay dirty. If they're clean, good for me. I don't consider it my duty to even bother to rip out that cotton filled pillow from the case to change it. I figure that's someone else's duty.

4. Any magazine or newspaper that I read around my bedside, remains there. It will not be removed by me. I just found a 2 week old one that I re-read and promptly threw back over the side of the bed. Include books and pamphlets and catalogues in that pile too.

5. My table is the most disorganized piece of filth in the house. It only looks clean when my mum does her quarterly, "I can't stand to look at such filth" housekeeping comes around in my room.

6. When I enter the house, I have zero regard for the existence of a shoe rack. My shoes go under the sofa, socks included. The socks mysteriously dissapear and into the laundry, and I'm always amazed by it's illusory properties.

7. I have no sense of proprietary involvement over my own things. If I lose my ear studs, my youngest finds them. If I misplace my watch, my mum finds it.

8. My tees after a day out are never put into the laundry pail by me. These too mysteriously end up there, sometimes to my ire cos I'd wanted to wear them again cos I only wore them for 5 mins to go down and get my smokes.

9. My ciggies and lighter are always haphazardly left around the house so that visitors on entering my place know for sure there's a smoker lurking around in the house.

10. I am the greatest electricity user in the house. Heated water even on burning days like today, Standing fan on all the while when I'm home and 24 hour Internet access.

There you have it. The inconvenience of a birth that's me. Happy now?

And in new news up over at KELING KILLAHs, we have embarked on a mini social experiement termed "Cultures Q n A". Post up any question whose answer has always eluded you and we will get them answered, with as much fact as possible. Click HERE for the post defining the venture and HERE for the Q n A form (anonymity is ensured if you choose it).

1 comment:

SumiSweet said...

This is a test..Testing..Testing..